when all the adults give up...

Being married again has brought many joys, amongst the most treasured: 4 1/2 hours.

Those are the hours I have gained by only needing to work part time instead of the full time I was working back in Boise. That means I'm done just after lunch and with the time to walk to the elementary school to pick up my two youngest, and be home when my two oldest get home.

I feel, in those precious few hours, I have regained a large chunk of my motherhood. I'm not a complete SAHM, but I'm close enough and that means everything to me. 

However, in gaining more time with my children, it means also having more time to listen to the things that have been hard for them in the move. And while they've all had positive experiences--more/new friends, more time outside in the warm weather, a great relationship with Mr. Perfect and his girls--there have also been struggles.

I think E is having the hardest time lately. Being in middle school, I knew the social transition would be a little more difficult for him. He's kind of a creative/artsy kid like his mama and my hope was that he would find more acceptance in a creative/artsy community like Huntington Beach. And, for the most part, he's been happy enough in his new school and found a group of kids to hang out with. But his heart is heavy, too:

"Mom, you should hear the way these kids talk! The people at my old school cussed but not this bad. And it's not just the words they say, it's all the stuff they talk about. And everyone does it--even the teachers! I get made fun of because I don't cuss. It's like all the adults just gave up."

And oh, how that breaks a mama's heart to hear. Proud that I have a son who won't back down from his standards. Proud that he recognizes that if all the moral pillars that a society used to agree on dissolve, what will hold us together? Proud that he understands that certain words are violent words--not funny words, not casual conversation words. Proud that he understands that adults SHOULD protect kids, set limits, be good examples--not indulge and join them in childish behavior.

It's kind of like the speed limit here. Enough people got together and, by their sheer numbers participating in breaking the speed limit, decided that it didn't matter, that they were going to drive as fast as they wanted. And what happened? It's pretty difficult to find a speed limit sign on any freeway in California and pretty rare to ever see a police officer out enforcing speeding. Kind of like...they all gave up.

But what does a parent do? How can I, in good faith, continue to order E in to such a world as  his school every day? With kids who bully and tease relentlessly? And especially on the bus, which sounds like one giant R-rated movie he can't look away from, or even drown out since headphones aren't allowed?

These things, these environments DO shape our children, their thoughts, their characters. Who is protecting kids anymore? Not just their physical safety, but their emotional safety? And, dare I say--religious or not, is there not still some type of MORAL SAFETY kids are entitled to have?! I fear for the world ran by kids who have never known boundaries or limits or enforced rules.

For now, I continue to provide the best respite from it all, for E and the rest of my children, in the form of a loving, warm home where we use our words to build each other up, not put each other down with filth. I'm even researching my options in possibly homeschooling again knowing my younger ones will have to face the same challenges soon enough. I help them to put on their spiritual armor every day to help in deflecting a majority of the blows.

Mr. Perfect lived through a childhood similar to this, growing up a minority in North Hollywood, often roughed up by gangs. It didn't change his standards, and in fact made him the good and righteous man he is. I hope it works the same for my precious boys. I hope.

In the mean time, I'm looking for a good sale on soap. There are a lot of nasty mouths out there that need a good scrubbing.