how did i get to be one of 'those' people always messing with their phone?

I was probably one of the first people in our area to have a cell phone--circa 1995. This is when I was driving three hours round trip from my home in the country to the university in the city, every day, including slip-slidy-road winter days. My brothers-in-law (our employers at the time) gave the phone to me "just in case". It was clunky and had horrible range, and I think I only ever used it four or five times because it was exorbitantly expensive, but boy oh boy(!) the looks of awe and jealousy I would get when I would carry it in somewhere!

Three months later, someone broke into my car and stole it.

And that was the end of my use of a cell phone until 2001 when Brad bought me one of those Motorola dealies that you could use like a walkie-talkie. It was helpful, but more of a novelty than anything terribly useful.

By 2008, I could still walk out the door and forget my phone and not panic. *My battery charge usually lasted several days. *It was mostly used as a tool to separate my business calls from my personal calls. *I was one of the last people still paying per text, in fact, on the day I finally signed up for unlimited texting, I received eighty texts from friends--one word at a time. It was their way of 'christening' me into the world of text messaging.

Fast forward to: the dinner table at my house last night. I had made sausage polenta lasagna. I love polenta. My children do  not. There was much whining and complaining about polenta going on. I simply smiled, ignored the noise, and....checked my phone. Ah...sweet, sweet distraction.

It seems somehow I am always. checking. my. stupid. wonderful. phone.

I thought everyone did it. See all these people doing it....

See how they're "together" but also "not together". Like when you see two friends walking down the road and both are looking at or talking on their phones? I was apparently wrong because I've been called out on my intense love affair with my phone.

I know a lot of my initial neediness in phone checking came when my boys started spending weekends with their dad after our separation. I'd never been away from them for so long, and I was worried one of them might want to talk to me right away. Or that I would get a call telling me one of them had been hurt. My cell phone was my life line to them.

Then, of course, it all got jumbled up when I bought a smart phone. All the things I loved about my computer: email access, Facebook updates, puzzle games, and You Tube videos--able to be taken on the go and accessed just about wherever.

And here is where I admit what a rush I find it is to be constantly connected into a network of thousands of friends. There's always something new to learn or see or to be told. A funny topic for discussion. I never have to feel completely lonely. There never need be another dull moment again. Please tell me I'm not alone in that little thrill one gets when they say something online or post a cute picture of their kids and immediately start getting (hopefully positive) feedback? It's the same type of thrill I got as a kid when I opened up the mailbox and found that there was a letter for me....except that it's like finding letters all day long.

I tried to go a day without texting or using my phone this winter (noted: I was being 'forced' to as part of an experiment for a Media workshop I was taking). And guess what? I made it 9 hours. Then my J swallowed a nickle and I had to take him to emergency care before his brothers got home from school--and there was much texting and calling that had to be done. You can't say I didn't try, right?

I suppose my point is:   I have learned that making myself unavailable has become a rare luxury. Nowadays, it seems like if you don't answer a text within an hour or two, the sender is going to believe you have suffered a  terrible, horrible accident. **But, I have faith in us as humans!** Faith that we'll (me included) figure it out. That we'll find the balance between what we need and what is useful and what is too, too much. Just like somewhere between cavemen and Knights of the Round Table, we figured out that, although sugar and fat are super yummy, we can't eat them in unlimited quantities. I've already started resisting the mindless urge to slide open my phone just to look at it. When I'm with people, I make a sincere effort to be in the moment with them and not wondering what my 1,064 computer friends are doing. I'm remembering how nice unoccupied silence is. Baby steps and all...be patient with me...especially if you're with me on a weekend my boys aren't. They're still worth checking on like an obsessed person.

Now, leave me a comment so it will go straight to my email inbox...which I will then wait an hour to read :)