It's been nearly a month since I joined the dating website my mother-in-law
Guess what the web site yielded me?
1. A few awkward letters from men aged 21-25 (I know that May-December thing can work out, but I'm clearly no Demi Moore)
2. A few letters from men aged 55-58 (that would be 20+ years my senior, and I'm clearly no Catherine Zeta Jones)
3. A few letters from men a little closer to my age bracket who, in their pictures, always seemed to be flexing in tank tops in front of their bathroom mirrors, their hair gleaming from the amount of gel in it; or straddling a bullet bike with a suave 'don't you want me baby?' grin on their face; or proudly displaying the bloody head of some dead animal. Attractive.
No movies. No dinners. No flowers.
I would say the one redeeming moment came when I ran across this man's profile (these are his words):
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths. I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly. And I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
I'm a recently divorced father of the three greatest kids in the history of eternity.
I love the Gospel. I love the plan of happiness. I love the temple. I love my kids. I love my Wheaten Terrier. I love Cap'n Crunch with Crunchberries. I love dancing in my kitchen with my kids.
I love the Office, Modern Family, and Parks and Recreation. I love the Twilight Zone. I love mountains. I love hiking. I love canoeing. I love baseball. I love the St. Louis Cardinals. I love virgin pina coladas and getting caught in the rain.
I love scratching someone's back. I love playing with someone's hair. I love deep conversation. I love ideas. I love politics. I love news. I love blogs. I love history. I love books. I love technology, always and forever.
I love punk music. I love the Bouncing Souls. I love Thrice. I love ol' skool AFI. I love A Day to Remember. I love Face to Face. I love the Ramones. I love Joy Division. I love the Beatles. I love concerts. I love the pit. I love catching a drum stick (or at least I bet I would). I love to bring on the dancing horses.
I love being the life of the party. I love giving public presentations. I love telling a great story. I love hearing a great story. I love Primary. I love Captain Kirk more than any other Captain (excluding Cap'n Crunch and maybe Captain Stubing). I love watching cartoons with my kids. I love my grandma.
I love Batman. I love Dr. Strangelove. I love tubing down a lazy river. I love Converse All Stars. I love dill pickle potato chips. I love chocolate Oreo shakes. I love hot sauce. I love popping bubble wrap. I love taking long car trips so I can listen to books on tape. I love westerns. I love Jim Gaffigan.
I love sarcasm. I love satire. I love wit. And every so often, I love to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.
----
HELLO?!?! Can you say PERFECT FOR ME?! The man has the type of dog I would pick. He loves to mosh to the Ramones. He likes to be told stories. He knows who Captain Stubing is. He READS. BLOGS. for crying out loud! And in all of his pictures he has on some great campy t-shirt and his hair combed into a faux hawk.
Alas, he lives far, far away in St. Louis. And, when I boldly sent him a message (the only one I ever sent to anyone)....he never replied back.
Sigh.
At the close of the month, I suppose I could keep my account active on the website a little longer, wait for that handsome, church-going millionaire (not that that's what I'm looking for, though I wouldn't turn it down)-- but it just doesn't sit right with my head or my heart. It feels impersonal and 'meat markety'. And if anything, I'd say it dented my self-esteem rather than bolstered it. I'd rather someone I trusted set me up with someone whose character they could vouch for. Or let an existing friendship develop into something more. Whatever it is with whoever it is, right now....it just feels a long, long way off. And I am powerless to hurry it along any faster if I want to do it right. For as cute and funny and interesting as I think I am; for as much as I think I have to offer another person-- no one is exactly standing in line to get first dibs on the three years divorced mother of four. Or at least no one whose been able to do anything about it. And I'm ok with that. As long as I keep my focus in the present, I'm good with it just being me and my kids. And playing with my own hair.
Really.
Mostly.
And that's all there is to say about that.
8 comments:
Amen!
Online dating is strange, isn't it? I tried it for a about a month this year too. Lots of "interesting" men out there. I'm sure that lots of them find me "interesting" too. I think you're on the right track in trying to meet someone, who knows someone, who knows someone, who knows you. There's a lot to be said for both of you coming with character references.
I feel your pain. But it's good to know, in my lunacy of trying on-line dating, that I am not the only one who gets the interest from 20 yr old boys and 50 year old men. However, I did once chat with a lawyer my own age who wanted to meet me until he asked "how long have you been divorced?" and I said "I'm not divorced, I'm widowed." I never heard from him again. Instead of being upset all I could think was Hey! At least someone my own age talked to me! :)
1) . . . no Demi Moore . . .
True, you're much better looking than she is, and I have no doubt, a far better person too.
2) . . . no Catherine Zeta-Jones . . .
You do realize that in the course of human history it's actually *very* common to have a 15-20 year age difference, yes? Granted, this was also when if you weren't having babies by age 16 you were an old maid, while the men needed to be that much older in order to have established themselves enough to afford a wife and kids, but hey. . .
3) And these are the ones that made it so hard for someone like me to be able to use such a site successfully myself. Enough of those were on there that jumped all over the new women who joined up (and especially if they were of above-average attractiveness) that they'd tune everyone out after about a week or so.
So yeah... it's no picnic for the church-going, admittedly non-millionaire on the other side of the computer screen either. But persistence pays off. I stuck with my site for about 2.5 years, had enough dates that if I didn't hit triple digits I know I came close, and hey, I'm happily married for over 2 7years now with the cutest baby girl you ever did see.
1 Month just ain't long enough. Stick with it!
Ok Jen, I totally believe in online dating. I went on a mormon dating website and met a lot of great guys...even met my husband! I was like you after my divorce and thought why on earth would anyone want me? Im divorced with 2 kids....one who is autistic. Severely autistic!!! But guess what? Someone did! I hope you have a good experience with it too! It took almost a year of fishing through a lot of weirdos and not my types but it was worth the wait! Good luck Jen. You are a great person and and even better mom. You will find your Mr. Perfect! Just be patient!!!!
Love, Kate
I agree with the posters who've encouraged you to keep trying- one month isn't long enough.
For me, I met my ex-husband online and after our abusive marriage and bitter divorce I swore I would never try online dating again. (Can you guess where this is going to lead?)
After a few years back in the dating scene I had a boyfriend (he was 10 years older than me) for three months until I broke up with him when I realized he wasn't right for me. I was involved with the LDS MidSingles here in the Treasure Valley but there weren't many guys and none that I was interested or vice versa.
After some debate I decided to review the LDS Singles Sites for my website. I created an account on each one (there were ten) and tried out the sites. I requested a month trial membership from three of the sites that seemed to have the most potential. I reviewed all the sites and wrote full page reviews on the top three.
After a month I deleted my account off of all but two of the sites. I debated deleting my account off one of the sites that I didn't currently have any action on but for some reason didn't.
Well, sometime later Curtis sent me a flirt on that other site (the one I'd left my account on for some reason) and after a few flirts back and forth he sent me an email. To view it I had to pay for a membership, which I did for just one month. Well, it was worth it because we've been together ever since.
Now, I had the same experience as you with guys younger (Curtis is actually 4 years younger so don't set your sights too high) and older than me (yes several 20+ ones) contacting me, as well as some creepy looking guys, a few perverts, and so crazies that kind of freaked me out. So, you have to be careful.
I gave myself a few rules when I signed up:
1. No long distance guys. If they wanted to pursue me, fine, but I wasn't going to end up in an exclusive relationship with anyone who wasn't local (or became local).
2. If I felt uneasy in any way, listen to that feeling.
3. No unhealthy, overweight guys. I'd worked hard to lose 50lbs and didn't need trouble in that department.
The funny thing about this story is, is that when Curtis decided to try online dating he did a search, read my list of Top 10 Sites, checked out the top ones, and joined one. Later, after he met me and learned about my work he put two and two together, but didn't tell me for several weeks. :)
Also, a friend and I are writing a book on dating and are half way done with the rough draft. Until it's ready I'd highly recommend reading "Mars and Venus on a Date" by John Gray who wrote "Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus". It's an excellent book on dating, the dating process, and how men/women work.
So don't give up; give it some time. Good luck!
-Rachel
He must be too busy doing all that stuff to check his account very often. Or he's so overwhelmed by your wonderfulness and coolness, he's still trying to compose the perfect response. :) Did yo utell him you have a lot of mountains nearby to tempt him?
When I read he LOVED STL Cardinals I was going to say that is the best baseball team EVER, he is the one :) Then read he is from STL (so am I)! Anyway, if it doesn't sit well, it doesn't...no need to push something you are not comfortable with...but then again, God doesn't always want us to be comfortable. Maybe this is not the right time for this....adding you to my google reader :0)
Jen Feagans
STL
Hey Jennifer, please write something else soon so that ugly toad won't show up when we click on your blog. LOL
Where in the world did you find that ugly picture?
I don't know much about online dating but I do know a couple that met online and have been married a long time.
I hope that Mr. Right comes along soon for you. He's out there somewhere I am sure.
Erma.-TX
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