the story of dr. yummy, part 3



the face of a happy woman...as taken by Dr. Yummy


Well, you may not think this post as exciting as the last two, but I promised it would come...

After declaring our love for one another,where are Dr. Yummy and I now? In a good, good place. Publicly claiming one another in a relationship. Having so much fun together. And waiting to see.

I'm sure it would have made for a lovely fairytale had it ended with a proposal...but I'm glad real life doesn't always follow plot lines. Because, in real life, it has still only been a little over a month, and Dr. Yummy and I--though quite smitten--have a lot yet to learn about each other. A lot more memories to make. A lot more belly laughs to share. Probably a few disagreements to resolve at some point. Families to meet. Memories to swap. Etc, etc.

And while there are no red flags for me, I realize I am probably DRAPED IN THEM for him seeing as how he could go out and snag himself a much younger, much prettier, never-been-married girl as opposed to the 36 year old divorcee mother of 4. But, I'm really happy he decided to choose the boys and me anyhow. To give us a whirl and see what happens... He sees the best parts of me.

I know what I have to let go of to allow myself and my life to get slowly tangled up with someone else's again--mostly the fear and anxiety that come with trusting after having been deceived to the degree I was in my marriage, and the hurt I've experienced and learned to dread and avoid several times in relationships since.

Also, I have come to realize just how much of my identity is enmeshed in being a strong, single, super-woman and mother. For as difficult as it is and as much as I would still love to find "the one", there is a great deal of strength I have drawn from being able to do so very, very much on my own. From having all my spare non-kid/work/church/housework time to devote strictly to myself and developing my talents (and shoe shopping :) ). From the way such a situation has produced some of the most powerful fiction and poetry I've ever written. And especially the strength  in letting God take over the major male role  in my life.  Now, I work to find that balance of holding on to all the best parts I have cultivated over the last three years--my increased spunk, determination, fearlessness, skill sets, and spirituality-- and temper them with the blessings of letting someone else in. Of letting him help out when I need it. Letting him carry a bit of the emotional burden. Of letting him into my world, my thoughts, my tiny circle of people whom I trust implicitly.

**And trying not to be too scared in doing so.**

I fully believe the risk is worth it. If it works, it works, and will be like a dream come true. If it doesn't, I still feel like I'd be able to be grateful for the experience, cry it out, pick myself up, and eventually go on with no regrets.

I guess that attitude comes from feeling so strongly that this thing with Dr. Yummy is....different. Terrifying and yet perfectly safe at the same time. I can't really describe it beyond that.

So, again, we wait. We see. I will return you to my regular blog postings on humorous flashbacks, attempts at writing, and  the struggles and hilarity of single life (because although I have a boyfriend, I am still "single" enough to not kid myself that he's going to sweep in and suddenly make everything easier. We still live in two separate places and maintain the healthy degree of autonomy and independence we need to). I promise to update you on us from time to time, and who knows--maybe I can even get him to write a post sometime. He's got good stuck in Katmandu/ cadaver/ women who come into the ER at 3 am to hit on doctors stories :)

I've found myself a nerdy-cute, longboarding psychiatrist who donates time to orphans with AIDS, who works to meet my children on their level, who takes amazing photographs, and who will drive through an automatic car wash in his convertible with me...because I tell him I think it will be fun. As far as I'm concerned, right where he and I are at this moment deserves a big, fat, "and they lived happily ever after..."

The End. :)

p.s.  No...I'm not making any of this up :)