jumble

Sunday, Dr. Yummy, the boysquad, and I had dessert with some dear friends I hadn't seen in probably a year. They're those type of friends that no matter how long you've been apart, you still pick right back up where you left off when you do get together again.  Aren't those types of friends just the BEST?! :)

Anyway, one of those friends was asking me what I was doing now, after graduation and in life, in general. I think her mouth kind of dropped open a bit as I kept adding and adding things to the list of what I do. I run my interior design business with two projects booking me out till September. I work full time for the PR/Marketing Firm. I freelance write for Fusion Magazine. I will be starting my graduate level Poetry class and assistant teaching position at the university this week. I'm preparing to take the GRE (grad school exam) and putting together another writing portfolio to submit in the next few months. I write spotlights on various women at my church. I volunteer at the Veteran's Retirement Home weekly. I still run 25 miles a week. I still run my house and my yard and my bills.

Did you see what was missing from that list?....

I did.

When people used to ask me what I did, though my interests have always been varied and I've always worked to build on my talents, I only had one answer: I'm a mom.

I am still a mom. Really, I am. Even if it wasn't the first thing that came out my mouth on Sunday. I don't know how good of one anymore being so busy, and yet--I don't really have much of a choice. Nearly everything I'm doing, I'm doing for the boys: to stay physically and emotionally healthy, balanced, and socially engaged. To garner the education, skills, and experience I need to build a career that will provide adequately for them and afford me a flexible work schedule so I can continue to be there for them as much as possible--to drive them to school in the morning, see their performances, take them to church every Sunday. It's still not ideal. It's still not what I would choose for my boys. But it's the best I can do for now, and pray God will make up the difference.

Today marked a huge milestone for us:

 I now have no kids at home.

J started all day kindergarten. He was my last one at home. Somehow, someway, in the blinking of an eye...my baby grew up. I've always homeschooled kids through kindergarten but don't get the opportunity with  him :(.  I think he'll do fine...he sure was excited about today, but it marks the start of the period of his life when a teacher will see him more than I do. When opinions his friends and peers have will begin to shape his thoughts about himself. When he will have to give up so much of his independence to fit into a schedule. So bittersweet.


I just hope in the jumble of all my life is and may still become before it settles down a bit more, I don't miss this precious time. I like to think of myself as one who treasures the moments and appreciates the present, I also realize I need to work harder to create more opportunities for quiet time together with my two  youngest the way I had with my two oldest boys. And remember my two oldest STILL need that kind of time with me and to find those opportunities as well.

I really don't know how it's all going to work. I'm just one person, and no matter how capable I am, I still have my limits. More than I'd like to admit. I just stay committed to the fact that no degree of success I may achieve outside the home could ever compensate were I to fail within it.

My boys are my life, my heart, my joy, my trial, my wisdom, my all.....may this always be a sentiment I back up with my actions.