jumping out of my comfort zone...voluntarily

Isn't that a nice title for a post? I especially like the *voluntarily* part. I like that I have not been forced out of my comfort zone, nor pushed, nor drug from it. I guess I'm even impressed that, for as crazy and undecided as my life is, I even HAVE a comfort zone to begin with. But I do. And although it has been a very different place at different times of my life, it has always been there.
I decided it might be time to move out of it though. It was time to chase a dream.
It was time again to see what I could make happen. This is the how and why of it...


I have lived in Idaho nearly all my life, just a short drive away from picturesque pine-dense mountains lining twisting, churning, frothy rivers. ~A sportsman's paradise.~ And yet I have never been whitewater rafting. I remember my mom and brother going several times, so I don't know if the invitation was never extended to me knowing I was too busy, or if it was and I just turned it down. Anyway, rafting was not in my plethora of experiences. And I was honestly ok with that. I've never been on a roller coaster that goes upside down either and don't feel like a lesser being. But, Dr. Yummy has been rafting and loved it and thought it a shame the boys and I had never experienced it.

He didn't force. He didn't tease. He didn't beg. He just suggested. And a week or so later...

That's me in the bandanna with the look of joy on my face, Z in front of me, E across from me, and Dr. Yummy in the conductor's cap taking up the rear next to our guide (and also some dude from Chicago riding on the front with his 25-years younger girlfriend in her purple string bikini hiding behind him because she didn't want to get wet or paddle...yeah...they were delightful or something).

And guess what?

I had a blast! I would do it again in a heartbeat, string bikini girl and all. Although I make sure I'm always having new adventures and adding to my cache of life experiences, many of them, I have realized, are still adventures of my choosing-- great, but all relatively within my comfort zone.

So I stepped back and considered my life under the lens of this new realization. Was there something I really wanted but was afraid to try?

There was.

Remember back in January when I worked myself to the brink of complete mental, physical, emotional, and creative breakdown getting my application in for the MFA program in addition to mothering, working, and taking 25 credits? And then remember how I got rejected come April? That was rough. Really, really rough. Yet, I have begun to see the why and how of why it needed to be--the happy jumble of blessings that have come as a result, including becoming an even better writer as I had another semester under my belt to learn and read.

But you know what? I still want to get into that MFA program. I am terrified to try again, and I am honestly happy where I'm at right now, but what if....what IF I jumped out of this comfort zone and just saw what happened if I tried again?

So, I got to work.

With only a week left until school starts, one of my good and incredibly talented professor friends invited me to TA for his Fiction class--guaranteeing my continued and needed exposure to teaching, reading, and writing. Then, on a whim, I asked permission to take a graduate level Poetry course. NOT easy to get in to--those MFA students are a tight, exclusive bunch. But, I sent some samples of my work as requested by the professor and...guess who will be taking a Masters-level Poetry class starting next week? If you guessed me, you're right :)

So, with the much appreciated support of Dr. Yummy, I'm making one more aggressive run at getting into an MFA program...just to see. The worst that can happen is that I'll be pitched off the metaphorical raft and into the roiling, summer-warmed water and I'll float around, laughing and enjoying the sunshine, until someone yanks me up by my life jacket and pulls me back into the raft.. And I can think of worse places to be :)