date-o-rama

In honor of Valentine's Day looming on the horizon like a head cold I can feel coming on, I decided to follow my friend Amanda's example and share highlights of my best dates. Well...that's what I was GOING to do anyway. Then I got to thinking...I dont' like my "best" ones--the ones most would consider "best"--those involving a limo and a fancy dinner, or cliche'd romantic gesture like "I'll cook you dinner at my house." Those seem too forced to me. I've had those kind and can't say I didn't enjoy them to a degree...but I'd never consider them my best.

So, I'm going to share instead, highlights of my most MEMORABLE dates. And all but two have actually taken place post-divorce--when things just seem to happen more organically than they did when I was a young adult. Like going to see Christmas lights and ending up trying to hike a mountain in the dark--laughing all the way. Or both of us geographically-challenged, forgetting where we've parked and walking at least an extra mile trying to find the car. Or nearly catching something on fire while learning to carmelize sugar on homemade creme brulee.

Here are some (more) of those kinds of dates...

*My first love when I was 16 showed up at my house with his guitar and asked me to go for a walk. We strolled down the canal bank while he played and sang Depeche Mode songs. All the neighbors looked at us weird and I didn't care.

*On my second date with my ex-husband, we got in a car wreck. A teenage boy, distracted by eating pizza and with his little sister in the car, blew through a 4-way stop and slammed into my side of Brad's almost brand new Chevy Silverado truck. The way Brad--although clearly angry--responded with such tenderness to the boy and his sister, made me fall in love. After the truck had been towed away, we walked to a Chinese restaurant and had noodles. Our hands kept shaking while we ate, but we were so glad we were both ok. Bonded, for sure.

*My very first official date post-divorce was with a psychologist. He showed up in a t-shirt that appeared to be something he got from a vendor at work. He took me to eat at Macaroni Grill. I remember I was starving. I ordered a giant salad, he ordered chicken parm. Getting him to talk was like pulling a train with my teeth. Clearly not only had he been trained just to listen and nod...he was also plain boring. To top it all off, he only took one bite of the side dish that came with his food, then asked for a to-go box without ever offering an explanation. The whole night was just so, so weird.

*Disneyland with Haute Cakes: The first time I flew down to meet him, and my first visit to the magical kingdom since age 5. It was December and insanely crowded. My adrenaline was all rush-y from the Indiana Jones ride we'd just gone on, we got hot chocolate and moved along at cattle-herded speed and density towards Main Street where it was snowing magical Disney snow. He kissed me. It was totally perfect until someone slammed into me--hard--with their stroller. Left a nice bruise. But my faith in dates post-weird-no-eat-guy was restored :)

*Skipping Feminist Literature class to go catch one of Green Eye's performances. He winked at me between Johnny Cash covers. Texted me, "It's good to see my girl in the front row." (Also...speaking of Green Eyes--his first CD is complete. Feel free to check it out and buy it here :) )

*Not long after we met, and a good year before we started dating-- Ninja took me to shoot paintball guns for the first time. And he shot me in the head...on purpose. And I shot him in the neck at short distance range...on accident ;). Most fun in camoflauge I ever had.

*Nine kids under the age of 12, plus one dog and two goats, all in the back of a truck, going "to town" to eat a six-foot ice cream sundae out of a rain gutter. The guy I did that with never got a blog name, but he was--and still is--one of my best friends. Such a Beverly Hillbillies moment :) Here's proof of that one:

*Can't forget my birthday date with Mr. Perfect--even if it was under semi-strained cirucmstances. It was the whole beautiful being back in California thing: the Tim Burton exhibit, the brief stop off at the attorney's office that smelled like chocolate chip cookies, the dim sum, the werid conjoined-mirror bathroom, the strolling through the toy store that featured a bunch of tv show-themed stuff that he had designed (we didn't tell the toy store girl who was thrilled to tell us all about it ), the two hour traffic jam on the way home. I remember really liking his smile and his shoes and the back of his neck.

*And the creme de la creme of memorable dates: The day Dr.  Yummy and I drove his Scout through the car wash without doors or a top, went longboarding, had liquid nitrogen-frozen ice cream, then drove through a storm to the airport where we pretended to welcome each other home (sign included) and pushed each other recklessly around in a wheelchair. It was the bestest, make-my-face-hurt-from-smiling-date ever. Most with him were. I remember repeating in my head, "Thank you, God. Thank you for someone who finally 'gets me.'"...A huge part of that "why?" question I still bat around as to things not working between us when we seemed such a great fit...but at least I'm beyond the tragically pathetic, constant stage of the questioning and into that semi-pathetic occassional stage.

***Oh...there was also the Saturday this last November I ended up on FOUR accidental dates...in one day. But I'll save that story for another time :)

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As for these guys that the dates occurred with (if you're like me and hate a good story without an ending):

• Love of my life from 16 still sings in a band downtown, and does something fancy with computers during the day.
• Y'all know what happened to my ex-husband. That bonding will probably never be totally undone--at least in memory.
• I have never heard from silent, no eating psychologist again. I'm even wondering if I just dreamed that whole strange night...
• Haute Cakes "mystery man" is happily engaged to a girl who is a really, really good fit for him. Though I often kick myself for giving up on that relationship too easily--not fighting my ex over moving and such--I couldn't be happier for him. Everything happens for a reason.
• I just finished an article about Green Eyes for Fusion magazine. He's a talented, smoking hot man with a bright future, dating a girl from the Harley Davidson place he works. We're comfortable together.
• Ninja...still breaks my heart to have lost him as a friend and more. He's a private person as to the goings-on of his life and we don't talk much anymore--but I know if I called on him, he'd be there in a heartbeat. His heart is gold.
• Goat man: Also recently engaged to a perfect-for-him woman who loves getting really dirty as much as he does.
• Mr. Perfect and I still talk and text from time to time. He's still undeniably perfect.
• And Dr. Yummy-- Can't bring myself to find out what's going on with him. I hope he's well. I hope he passed his board exams. I hope he hasn't moved on easily. But neither myself nor my boys are healed enough to re-open up a friendship with him. Maybe just for now. Maybe forever. It's a two-way door and thus far neither of us have pushed at it. Also...clearly his loss.

AND THERE YOU GO...If you happen to be sitting at the Applebee's with your spouse on Valentine's Day wonderfing if you could have it better...hit yourself up along the head and be glad you're right where you are, with who you're with. And go make some memorable date experiences of your own...together! :)