5 years blogging: at peace...with being at peace

Happy 5th Blog-o-versary to me! 

This is post #718 for The Peterson's Go Public! blog.

That's a lot-o-posts!!!

I know a lot of it feels like the same ol', same ol--- but I'm certain it was still totally worth the time it took to for me to ponder and write as every single post has helped me sort things out spiritually, emotionally, and mentallly. And hopefully to help some of you, too, who may be reading for whatever reason.

It's crazy, over the last 5 years, how much has changed.
And how much has stayed the same.
Especially me.

For as long as I can remember, I have always been a faithful, God-centered individual. But having to live these last years completely reliant on my Heavenly Father the way I used to be on my husband--to comfort, provide, support, give advice, share in my victories, and--yeah--even complain to, has cemented that faith deeper than I could ever have imagined. It has increased my empathy for those who struggle in so many ways. It has made me more sensitive to the promptings of the Spirit. It has further heightened my gratitude for life's daily blessings, small and great. It has taught me, as I have received so many blessed acts of service, to look for and act upon every opportunity to serve, as even little acts of kindness can have such an impact.

One of the biggest changes it has made on me is in my ability to be at peace. 

I learned early on in my single life that I would get eaten up by fear and overwhelmed by all that was in front of me if I didn't let the worry go. I had to learn to look to the past for wisdom and perspective, to the future so I could properly walk towards goals I wanted to accomplish, but to live solidly in the present. If I came up against a situation or trial I couldn't resolve, I learned to apply the amount of effort I could (which is often an uncomfortable, exhausting amount) -- but then to just let it go and let One who was a better problem solver than I take care of it.

It has been a long and hard-learned lesson, the letting go, the finding the balance between "doing all within my power" and the "being still," but I've made leaps and bounds in my progress. And I am committed to continue to learn.

I don't like waiting. I don't like feeling helpless or ineffective. But I have learned to find peace, despite.

And I'm at peace...with being at peace.

I know, without a doubt, I am loved by my Savior. That he cares about and is aware of all my struggles and needs. That He is working overtime to bring blessings to pass for me, but in His time and in His way...which (another thing I've learned) are better than ways I can think up.

Many of you have asked about how things went in California with my job interviews and with Mr. Perfect. And I can answer wonderful and wonderful. Maybe I'll say more later--there's a lot to say--but that will just have to do for now.
I haven't heard back yet if I'm hired or not (the companies all told me it would be about two weeks before I did) but I really would like nothing more than to find sufficient employment and make the move to California to (amongst other things) be near this incredible man who constantly summons within me a feeling like coming home, and to spend more time with his precious,wonderful girls.  He would like that, too.

But I can't force it or speed it up. I can't make people hire me. I can't wave a wand and have a magical pile of money appear. I can't have my whole house packed up and cleaned and sold or rented in a day. So I wait.

And while I have moments of panic in the wait, I stop and  remind myself that things are working out. Things are starting to fall into place. I'm going the right direction. My head and heart both say yes. I am having positive opportunities continue to be placed in front of me, and I trust that. All of it. It will all work out, however it is supposed to work out. And that is, peacefully, enough.