Jenners turned me onto a Tweet page called "Crap Super Powers" . P.S. : I don't Twitter, so don't go askin' to follow me or anything...but I found the concept hilarious.
I already have one useless super power which would be turning my food into poop (though I'm sure my colon loves that one!), but mine isn't nearly as funny....or as useless....as some of these that others came up with:
*The ability to squirt ketchup out of the tips of your fingers, but only when underwater
*Ability to fly, but only downward
*The ability to produce beautiful poetry, but only when attending a cockfight
*The ability to smell unscented candles
*The uncanny ability to turn one pound of chocolates into 5 pounds of butt fat
*Having the power to disguise yourself as an ant but only when in the company of George Clooney
*The ability to sort your recyclables with 100% accuracy
*The ability to convert other types of pencils into #2 pencils
*Being able to time travel but only to 1942 Germany
*The ability to turn nouns into verbs
*The ability to stare out the window at a bird without moving for an hour
*The ability to hear someone thoughts but only when they're thinking about Richard Simmons.
*Able to transform into a Cheetah --with broken ankles
Oh please tell me you laughed at some of those!
Then please tell me you'll comment about what crappy super power you wished (or didn't wish!) you had! It would totally make my Wednesday! :)
I already have one useless super power which would be turning my food into poop (though I'm sure my colon loves that one!), but mine isn't nearly as funny....or as useless....as some of these that others came up with:
*The ability to squirt ketchup out of the tips of your fingers, but only when underwater
*Ability to fly, but only downward
*The ability to produce beautiful poetry, but only when attending a cockfight
*The ability to smell unscented candles
*The uncanny ability to turn one pound of chocolates into 5 pounds of butt fat
*Having the power to disguise yourself as an ant but only when in the company of George Clooney
*The ability to sort your recyclables with 100% accuracy
*The ability to convert other types of pencils into #2 pencils
*Being able to time travel but only to 1942 Germany
*The ability to turn nouns into verbs
*The ability to stare out the window at a bird without moving for an hour
*The ability to hear someone thoughts but only when they're thinking about Richard Simmons.
*Able to transform into a Cheetah --with broken ankles
Oh please tell me you laughed at some of those!
Then please tell me you'll comment about what crappy super power you wished (or didn't wish!) you had! It would totally make my Wednesday! :)
19 comments:
I am really thinking on this one, and I am drawing a blank. I'll try again later.
Maybe thats my crap power...to be relativly witty, but only that wrong time. Like when I went it hysterics and couldn't stop laughing during my dads second wedding. Yikes!
I have the ability to think up the perfect insult, seven seconds after the person I was going to rip has left the room!
My ability to create a useful spreadsheet in 2.5 seconds:-) Hee, hee, hee.
I have the uncanny ability to levitate dirty socks, however I lose it when in the presence of a clothes hamper.
I cannot come up with anything remotely clever...because the visual I have of Richard Simmons is overtaking my brain.
I need a super power to counteract that.
Maybe...
Billy Mays. He could take Richard.
Eye-yi-yi...
those two in my head. Kill me now, please.
No worries on topics or meaning. I write about what I know. And like you somethings are prevalent in my mind lately. I stand guilty of the crimes of which I am accused as someone else may be. But we can learn from our mistakes.
I write for me and sometimes to others with the hope that my work may help others also.
Sorry you have such material spurring your inner muse, but this to shall pass.
I think I'll try not to think so much now.
Best wishes for peaceful moments,
stu
I have the power of quickly rearranging first consonants to make others chuckle, example:
Dot Hog (hot dog)
Nicken Chuggets (chicken nuggets)
Cherry Mistmas (Merry Christmas)
Bair Hush (hair brush)
Yes, I do believe this is a super power, or maybe I'm just really talented, either or.
xo T xo
I have the ability to clean my house in 10 minutes....only if the professionals left when the timer hits 5 minutes.
CRACKING UP!!!!!! How funny! Okay, hmmm...I'm gonna have think on this and get back with youI love T's super power!!!!
The ability to out rap anybody but only to the theme song from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.
This was the best laugh I have had in a long time! Thanks for sharing!
I have the ability to fly, but only while spelunking.
Those are some pretty crappy super powers. You crack me up Jennifer P!
XOXO
Jen
love all of your super powers...they intrigue me like I could add things to work for me!!! xoxo Jennifer
I have a couple...
1) The ability to only buy cars that break down.
2) The ability to have your mind go completely blank. But only when you need to remember something.
3) The ability to know who's calling your phone before you pick it up
PS. Caller ID has totally ruined my 2nd Super Power, therefore making it "crappy". Everyone appears to have this one these days. :(
ok. so it wasn't a "couple" it was a "few"
i swear my hubby has the ability to smell unscented candles!!! i have a few in my home and he SWEARS they smell funny. they're unscented?!?!
thanks for making me laugh :)
hilarious! i've missed your cheekiness lady... i'll be back more often i promise...
Those are so funny!
I have the ability to hide the eyes on the back of my head, specially when my boys look for them. (and they do try to find them moving my hair around and digging in there)
The ability to laugh loudly at other people's crappy super powers without them knowing it.
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