the sun always rises

I wish I could say that in the 6 days since my last post a few miracles happened. But they didn't. In fact, I got the final email telling me I was for sure ineligible for any pell grant money, and since I already declined the student loan offer thinking I was going to get grant money, it's time to dig up tuition and book money for the next year from....somewhere. Maybe I could go look under Bill Gates couch cushions? :) The call from the realtor also came in informing that, indeed, my house is worth $65,000 less than it was when I bought it for under value not even 4 years ago. I would still owe money on it even if I went with a traditional and not a short sale.

The good thing about real sorrow in my life, and I hope everyone's, is that it never stays. At least not in the intensity it first hits with.

Today we picked up a few school supplies and I cracked open the box of crayons and sniffed deeply. Isn't that an amazing smell? I watched my super self-motivated 12 year old jog around the block like he's been doing morning and night for the last week--excited to start his first year of football and wanting to get a jump on training. I mowed my still dew-kissed lawn this morning with Stan Getz's slow, breathy version of Blue Skies playing in my ears. Listened to my two little ones laughing as they pretended to be dogs and taught each other silly tricks. Took the boys to Dairy Queen after piano lessons and was thrilled to learn they now have MINI-sized blizzards (that's like ice cream without guilt :) ). Such a hearty sprinkling of gold dust blessings even when the big nuggets are scarce.

Never one to just sit and be acted upon without reacting, I'm going forward with some plans to get my situation a little more unstuck. A dear friend of mine started giving me free computer lessons this week so that I can say I'm literate in more than Facebook and Blogspot :). I'm tweaking my resume' and getting registered on Elance and Writers Bistro--places I can hopefully score a ghost writer job or two--enough to supplement our income by a bit each month. I've contacted a public defender to represent me to garnish alimony--if it comes to that. Still hoping that one can be resolved without a fight but I'm not afraid to fight if I have to. Not sure how to cut my budget back by much more, but I'm looking into it. Finally, I will not be giving up on my writing. I know I'm no Hemingway or Faulkner--my mind is simply not of the "genius of my age" class but I'm ok with that. I think I could at least live up to the level of Stephenie Myer or Janet Evanovich. All it takes is that one good idea... and the desire and tenacity to see it through. THAT, I am capable of. Teaching will always remain an option, too. I still can't see the path ahead of me very clearly, but at least I trust God not to lead me off a cliff.

Thank you again for all your kind support, and words of love and advice. Some of my most favorite friends and bloggers commented on that last post and I can't even express how much it meant to me to know I'm not alone. Sometimes it feels as if the whole world is too busy, too consumed with their own plights, or too judgemental to stop and help when a cry goes up. I'm blessed to know that that isn't always so. You are all so good. Life is so good. I'm glad the sun is up today.