anticipation

In addition to their brilliant striped shirts and their brilliant head wear and their brilliant long loaves of bread that are fun to pretend to hit people with, the French have a brilliant term:

 "Anticipate the Cheese."

I'm not sure what the exact French translation is (Google Translate says, "Anticiper le fromage" which is probably wrong) but I promise the term exists. I read it once years ago in a cookbook and it stuck with me. That idea of giving up something that's there right now in anticipation of something better.

Like, I could eat that .69 Hershey bar I grabbed at the check out line OR I could wait for that homemade bittersweet creme brulee' baking for an hour in the bain marie at home. I could eat the $1 hamburger from McDonalds OR I could wait for the pork loin with parsnips, carrots, and fennel roasting in the crock pot. I could eat this semi-stale green gummy bear I found on the seat of my van OR I could anticipate the cheese.

I suppose in all those instances I could have both...but partaking of the first kind of takes up space the second could have occupied better. Cheapens it. We all know the ills of over indulgence. Or maybe we don't. I'm pretty sure the French would say we don't. But if you think about it, nothing is good when you've had too much of it, right?

I promise the point of this post isn't just to ramble on about food (mmmm...food). But about the idea of anticipation which, I think, is the pleasant side of being patient.

It can be dangerous if you build things up too much in your mind and then get let down by reality, but as long as you're prepared for anything in the ballpark of cheese-like pleasant, you should do a little anticipating of the possibilities. Dreaming. Hopeful-ing.

As I've expressed a few times of late: Although I am genuinely happy, I am also soberly aware of the uncomfortable place I am in life right now. The place I have been off and on for the last 4 years and 4 months. A place of limbo, of survival, of constant change and change and change. And while I'm always up for a good risk or adventure, I likes my stability, too. Which has been a bit spotty. It's been a blessing to learn to live and even thrive amongst *rolling with the punches* (I can do super hard stuff!) but I really would like life to settle sooner or later. Even for just a year or two. Or ten. Or always. I wouldn't mind always, really.

But I continue to "anticipate the cheese," --pass over things that are here and easy but not quite right, for things I want more. And not just "want" but KNOW are better. I wait. Because I have learned that for as frustrating and heartbreaking as it's been to be sooooo close to that cheese so many times--in my work, in my writing, in opportunities, in relationships--and then lose it, there IS a great deal of comfort in knowing all those things have been so close to my grasp. It means for as quickly as things can go bad, things can go good. Take a turn for the better. Poof. Just like that.

And really, you know--why not keep thinking like that? Why not expect good things for me? Why not sooner rather than later? Why not expect that my next meal will be...cheese?