When I went to visit Mr. Perfect in California back in June, we decided to go for a night walk on the beach.
We started at his old apartment complex so he could show me around where he used to live. There, in the parking lot, I happened to catch sight of a ring--a plain silver band. I picked it up, worried someone had lost their wedding ring. Once I touched it, I realized it was just a bubblegum machine ring and slipped it on my finger as a fun souvenir.
We left the apartment complex, and started walking toward the beach. By the glint of streetlight, Mr. Perfect noticed something on the sidewalk and bent down to pick it up. It was a small flashlight. He clicked it off and on, and since we were in a rather industrial part of the city with no one or thing around he could return it to, he put it in his pocket.
We made it to the now deserted beach, held hands, and took in the beauty of the moonlit ocean. We weren't planning on getting wet, but that's hard when you're at the beach. And you tend to frolic :). The cuffs of my pants ended up soaked and I started to shiver. Mr. Perfect loaned me his jacket but that only warmed my top half. Then, ahead of us, we saw the most beautiful, roaring fire. There were some women talking a distance away by the restrooms, but the fire didn't seem to be theirs. By law, you're not supposed to leave fires burning on the beach--but it was if this one were freshly made and left just for us to warm up and dry off by. Which we did. Gratefully.
I tried not to read into that whole night too much--what I saw, and thought I saw--but that's difficult for a woman like me who sees meaning, metaphor, and the divine in so many things.
Mr. Perfect saw it too. Though neither of us said anything about it for a while, mulling it about in our hearts and minds.
Starting a new relationship is difficult, and REALLY scary, when you've ended a bad marriage and then had a few nasty bumps along the way in dating. Although I was completely head-over-heels in love with Mr. Perfect almost from the start, it's not that I wasn't still harboring my fears. And his were similar--our distance, how and if we could blend our families, what we would do to support everyone, whether or not the other was really all they seemed to be based on bad past experiences.
Finally, Mr. Perfect said, "It was weird, wasn't it? Those things we found walking to the beach? We both seemed to get what we most wanted..."
I had to add in the significance of the order we found them in as well-- first, a ring (commitment); then, a flashlight (light, knowledge, and guidance); and finally, a warm fire (comfort, providence, home).
We both needed more time to figure things out but, over the next few months, I kept that bubblegum machine ring by my bedside, and he kept the flashlight by his. And you know what?... The objects were right.
Once he finally decided to make that scary (albeit wonderful!) commitment (ring), the light started to come. Things started to fall into place in rather miraculous ways and against difficult odds. We started to understand why and how and when. And I don't doubt that the peace and warmth of the hearth fire are coming, too. **A beautiful life together. ** We will continue to be given what we most need, when we most need it.
Maybe it was just random junk we happened to find on the ground and stumble upon that night. Maybe it was just us assigning meaning to it all. But I think it was more than that. I think we do sometimes get tangible answers to prayers offered, to questions we don't think we can answer on our own. God has been known to leave answers in people's paths before. Indeed.
4 comments:
Oh, love it, every word.
Wow, this is great! I love reading experiences like this. I know the Lord presents miracles, answers to prayers, and guidance in our lives in a multitude of ways, including physical things that represent so much more.
For Curtis and I, our experience was different. He received his answer during one of our visits together to the Temple, but for me, I didn't get an answer, not the typical answer. Which, if you know more story makes sense.
I had received my answer for the first time I got married while at the Temple, but then I ended up being in an abusive marriage that resulted (five years later) in a horrible divorce and the tragic loss of custody of my daughter.
I was traumatized and afraid to be in a bad marriage again. Although I loved Curtis and knew he loved me, I was scared.
The first part of my answer came while listening to a couple (friends of my family) who'd just returned from their mission to Zambia, Africa. The brother shared how converts in Africa would often say the phrase, "I joined the church and I've never looked back." He talked about the story of Lot's wife who "looked" back.
I realized that that was what I was doing. I was continually turning around to look at my past. I was too focused on my fears to move forward with faith.
So that night I finally took the leap of faith (which it was for me) and told Curtis he could propose to me, which he did a few weeks later.
I still didn't have my full answer though. Although I said "yes" to Curtis' proposal, I panicked afterwards. I didn't break it off or anything, but I struggled with anxiety and fear for the next few days.
About two weeks later the rest of my answer finally came. I was studying my scriptures and somehow started pondering and asking myself the following three questions: 1. Did marrying Curtis make sense to my mind? Yes. 2. Did marrying Curtis feel right in my heart? Yes. 3. Was marrying Curtis in line with keeping God's commandments. Yes.
And that was it. There were no fireworks, but suddenly I felt peace with everything and was finally able to fully let go of my fears.
We've been married 3 1/2 years now and have a beautiful daughter. The three of us were sealed together in the Twin Falls temple back in Feb and it was a beautiful, sacred experience.
I'm so grateful for God's love, mercy, grace, and comfort. For His loving answers to our prayers and supporting us through all the difficulties of life.
-Rachel
way to write it right, jennifer :)
Love this and the previous 2 as well. I know single mom's who don't have the faith you have. Who have taken off their garments, have stopped praying. Thank you for being such an awesome example. Rachel- thank you for your story too!
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