Here's a shocking little secret about me......in 1994, when I first got married and we started talking about having kids in the future, I was stubbornly set in my ways, meaning: I didn't want to be a mother.
***GASP!!!***
I KNOW! Since being a mom is now pretty much what defines me, what completes me, what plops me onto a plateau of joy I never thought possible....it's hard to recall that there was once a time that I thought dedicating my life to child-rearing seemed so 'beneath me'. I think I was mostly afraid, not having spent a lot of time around babies; and also self-centered as young 20-somethings tend to be; and couldn't comprehend how any of my ambitions could be accomplished with an infant on my hip. But 3 years later, when they placed that baby Zane in my arms, I absolutely MELTED! I couldn't imagine how my life had ever meant anything without him. And then came Ethan, then Liam, then James. Each a tiny miracle straight from heaven! In my more blissful mothering moments, I often wished I had 6 or 8 or even 10 kids because they are all so stinking fabulous!!!
I'm sure you mothers are remembering that time when your 'mother heart' took over. When you stopped speeding because you had a baby in the backseat. When you discovered how beautiful the world looked at 3 am (frequently). When M-O-M scrawled in crayon across a page looked like a priceless work of art. Babies change us. They make us more.
Of course, we also probably also know of at least one wonderful friend who wants so badly to be a mom too....and can't for some reason or another. It seems almost unfair. There are so many mistreated and unwanted children out there, and people who would love and want them are unable to have them. I know a lot of you follow Sissy's blog-- I love her and her honesty about the struggle.
Now I just wanted to take a minute and steer you towards the blog of some sweet California friends of mine who are looking to expand their family through adoption. I like to tease him about looking like Jon Cryer (go look at the blog just to see the similarity :)!). They are such a wonderful couple that any baby would be blessed to call them Mom and Dad. They found out about their second son at Disneyland--so you never know what might come of a coincidence. For that reason, I am posting this and asking you to take a look and keep them in mind if you know of anyone contemplating adoption.
As for comments--if you want to, tell me a name you really liked for one of your children but never used.
And thank you.
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28 comments:
For a boy I always loved Shawn or Ryan, and my girl was going to be Elise or Lindsay.
I have a fantastic (read comical)last name so there are PLENTY of names I COULDN'T use....so let me think of one.....Onya for a girl.
oh yeah it's a doozy.
Best of luck to your friends wanting to adopt. We waiting 5 something years for our little adoption miracle. Where there is a will, there is a child I believe. It almost hurts to write the names of children I still want, and probably won't ever use, ... because as all of you who have wanted kids and aren't able to have them, you understand that you create phantom children for these names. You create their faces, and decorate their rooms, you pray for them and miraculously think you might conceive someday or maybe they'll appear on your doorstep in a basket. I hope hope hope for all of you wanting babies that you get them soon. :) and prayers for birth mommies that need courage and strength.
boy names:
Jacob
Parker
Dallin
Josiah
girl names:
Lydia
Gracie
Lilly
What a beautiful post. I, too, am so happy with being a mum...my kids are older, but I almost find this stage more reaffirming of my role in some ways. I think it helps that they will still give me hugs and affirm their love for me...which honestly sounds even more sweet to me when I know it is not typical of their ages to be so open.
I so wish your friends good luck on this journey, and I hope they are able to add to their family soon.
Cheers,
Linda
I am holding out on the names because I just know in my heart one day we will use them. After two pregnancies ending in miscarriage, we took a longer than intended "hiatus" from the baby world. It was just too heartbreaking for us both, but especially me. Now, here I am at 32 and hoping we get our dream. Why do I feel like 32 means it's over for me. Anyhow 4 or 5 may be out of the question now, but even with one I can still be the best darn mom out there. And I have you to call at 3AM when I can fiqure out what to do! : )
I have a friend who swears up and down she never wants to be a mother. It makes me sad, but I bite my tongue. And pray she'll change her mind one day.
I love that you wrote about your "mother heart." That's beautiful. And yes, it does take over. Big time.
Boy names:
John Scott Litton, III
(how original.)
Franklin Walker
(after Scott's grandfather, Frank, and my hero, Herschel Walker-1982 Heisman Trophy winner. GO DAWGS!)
Yes, I take my Georgia football seriously.
And I used my girl names--on my girls. Yay!
I have always loved Lola for a girl, I don't know why, I just think it's fun and pretty, and she would totally have a THEME SONG! "Her name was Lola, she was a show girl...."
What a great post! And my prayers go to your friends!
I too always thought I never wanted to have children. But when I had my son almost 10 years ago, I was a CHANGED woman! I love that boy in a way I never knew I could love!
Now, having finally met "THE ONE", we are talking about marriage and babies and I am soooooooo excited!
Girl: Olivia Marie or Addyson Marie
Boy: Carson Lee or Bryce Lee
I like
Lotta
Mia
Luise
for girls and
Emil
Paul
Jonas
for boys.
They look like such a happy couple.
I really wanted a Sam and a Katherine.
I had some boys names picked out that I never used (i.e. Michael, etc.) but that's because I never had boys.
I've always liked Chloe for a girl and Samuel or Max for a boy. But Jeff pulled the Veto. =)
BTW, I LOVE the name Zane...is there a story behind it?
jori--
Zane is named after one of Brad's best friends. They said they'd name their first children after eachother--we had our Zane and they had their....Olivia :)! I love the name too--I knew it the minute I heard it!
My son's middle name, Miles, was supposed to Milagro.......Spanish for miracle. While my daughter's names, Savannah Lea, are both beautiful landscapes. Both kids' names are fitting in my mind, and that is what matters to me. Of course, they modify them to suit their desires and that is just fine with me, becasue they will always be beautiful and miracles to me.
And if I could provide for them, I would have a dozen more. Like you, I love them, they are amazing each in their own way.
Boy name: Josiah
Girl name: I had a tough enough time coming up with just one!
I always wanted lots of kids, then my first turned 3....I had two and changed my mind. My third was a bit unplanned. But he's my angel.
I wish everyone who wanted a child could have one. Really isn't fair is it?
My names:
Harrison (Oh...Harrison.)
Truman (got a nephew with that one, so it counts)
Justus
I think I've used up my allotment of girl names and can't think of anymore I'd absolutely have to have. Good thing we're done b/c if we had another girl, and odds are we would, poor thing wouldn't have a name.
Without a doubt, regardless of boy or girl, the name shall be:
Destructor Beef Williams
He or she will wear it in glory!
Hmmmm.... My family always has a great time trying to figure out the worst possible first name to go with the last name. I've got a cousin who married a Pyle and one who married a Beaver. That was fun ;)
My family came up with 2 boys names for us to use.
Phillip and Mark. Which I both love, but I'm not naming my son after a tobacco industry or a rival school. So my boys names are all used up.
My girl name is Grace Ruth.
Oh, and I really like Matthias for a boy but my husband has said no three times. So, I guess it's a no ;)
Hi Jennifer,
I felt the same way. I was never interested in babies or kids. Then once I had my first, I was hooked. Now I wish I could have more!
Good luck to your friends! I wanted to name my last Stella, but my hubs said no - we compromised with Ella.
XOXO
jen
We have one precious little girl but if we had another little pink bundle her name would be Aislinn Rose; whereas a boy would be Kian Patrick. :)
Becka-from-down-under
Love this post! And..I am ALL OVER ADOPTION!!!! I want to adopt SO BAD!!! However, it takes two to have that desire :-)
I love that you just spread this out there and that they found out at Disneyland. I'm always telling people I want to adopt...hoping that if it just fell in our lap, Steve would say yes :-) I'll keep my ears open for your friends.
As for names. Anna was Anna....nothing else. Didn't even want to hear other names. Steve once mentioned Alexis, and I gave him the evil eye. And now, Alexis is Anna's best friend who practically lives with us. Funny how those things work out.
We didn't know if Sarah was a boy or girl. We also considered Rachel, and if she was a boy - Jacob.
What a touching post. I hope your friends get the child they are praying for! My favorite boy name was always Saber Ammon but hubby vetoed it. If I had another girl (which I will not do unless an angel from heaven comes down and tells me I must have another baby. Five is already a "handful" you know!) I would name her Saylor. I heard it while shopping at Target one day and loved it ever since.
You are right, that Mother Heart is a force to be reckoned with! I would have loved to name Emma "Leah," but we used part of each grandmother's name for each child. We had decided to use Joe's paternal grandmother's maiden name as our fourth child's middle name, boy or girl. So Leah Lawrence Lester would have had too much aLLiteration for me. And when we decided on Emma, we knew that there had been an Emma in his family tree. Turns out, it was Joe's great-grandmother, Emma Lawrence (his paternal grandmother's mother). And coincidentally, Joe wanted to name a boy William, and the great-grandfather, Emma's husband, was William. So it worked out for the best, and someday I may get to name a kitten Leah.
Always loved the name Sutton- strong and classic!
Beautiful post girl!
okaaaay, so JUST as I get on to make a few comments...it's the prime opportunity for an argument to start with the boys!!!! Gotta go see what all the fussing is about....or maybe I will just let them work it out!!!
I always loved Kathryn for a girl :) Maybe I'll get to name a dog that some day :)
I got exactly what I wanted each time I was pregnant, so I used all of my favorite names. However, had little man been a girl his name would have been Tessa Catherine.
Spring Storm. Both family names. Just thought they belonged together. ;)
Ya probably didn't know that we were in line for adoption for a few years. We aren't now. We may be again in the future. I think it's marvelous that you are helping them spread the word. I hope they can grow their family soon, I understand how it feels to want to, but not be able to.
I could use some boy names right about now. The other parent keeps coming up with really nerdy ones and constantly says, "How about Brigham?" to which I whole-heartedly oppose. Nothing against Brigham Young, just a kid I went to high school with and it's not a favorite name of mine. I like Breckon, and he doesn't. We're working on it. And hitting lots of dead ends.
I like Grace and Lily for girls, among others. And Olivia or Oliver.
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