why single life ROCKS

I hesitate to do posts like this because I don't want ANYONE thinking that life as a divorced person is something they need or should aspire to. I continue to see the negative effects on my emotional capabilities, my physical health, and--most unfortunately--my children. Unless you are caught up in an unbreakable cycle of abuse, addiction, or adultery--I still advocate doing everything and anything you can to preserve and strengthen your marriage.




That being said, I am a big believer in making the best of whatever situation you're kicked into. And that's what I've been trying to do for the last 22 months. Here are some of the things about being single I've chosen to embrace:


1. Divorce was an ending, but it was also a beginning.... As much as some people feel they've "lost themselves" in the role of marriage and parenting, you reeeeeally lose yourself in a divorce. It's like someone reaches into your brain and hits the "reset" button. It's easy to mope around it that stage feeling perpetually sorry for yourself (and I've done my fair share of that too). But, in the spirit of optimism, I decided to look at myself as being given a new start. I went back to school. I rediscovered my love and ability to write. I sang in front of people. I learned how to maintain my home and yard and vehicle. How to ride a longboard. How to shoot a gun. And this weekend I learned to do this:

How to snowboard! I've lived within an hour of ski resort practically my whole life and just never went because (here's some vulnerable honesty for you!) I've never liked to try stuff I know I wouldn't be good at. I don't like making a fool of myself or feeling like I'm holding back others of more advanced ability. But since my divorce, I've totally dropped that attitude and am willing to make as many mistakes or fall on my behind as much as I need to till I get it down. I might not be super successful at everything I try, but I'm not afraid to try anymore because the experience is worth it! The added benefit of *rediscovering myself* is that for as much as I'd love to find someone to share my life with again, whoever it is will never be my only reason for happiness. They would definitely add joy, but if it ended--I know I would always still have me. And I like me!

2.My kids are really fun!..... I don't know if I have ever fully appreciated that as much as I do. I always loved spending time with them, but as long as I had my husband around--he was my main source of entertainment. Now I have a lot of free time to spend just hanging out with my kids--watching what they do, talking with them and being listened to by them, being included in their activities with friends and they with mine. They are smart and funny and insightful and caring and generous and flat out the majority of what is good in my life. I would say my favorite place in the world is sitting on my couch with one of my big boys on either side of me and my two little boys on my lap--watching a cartoon or reading a book. Pretty sure I've heard angel music fill my house during those times :).

3. I continue to learn what to do--and what not to do--next time: I know I was a good wife. Probably in the top 10% of wives. But it took me my maturing years to get there. I've learned now just how fragile and worth protecting relationships can be. I know I would never let things build up that would lead to resentment. I'll never go to bed or leave the house angry. I'll try my very hardest not to speak words that can't be taken back. Now that I've experienced the loss of a marriage....I know what I have to lose. I have needs too and will expect the same level of commitment and devotion from a 'significant other', but I know that if you put the work in--relationships can be incredibly rewarding.

And so life as a single woman with a half-full glass continues. I hope the things I've discovered during this time can be applied to you right now, regardless of your marital circumstances. I say take life by the hair, smack it up side the head, and show it who's boss because YOU ARE AWESOME :)!