Believe it or not...this actually isn't a post about the men in my life. Sorry for those of you who thought it might be :). Nope--this one is about my first love: writing. And about what I'm going to do with it at this point.
I wrote my first book entitled My Cats in the first grade. I won the Young Authors competition for it. I won for the book I wrote the next year too, and the year after that, and every year till I graduated elementary school in the 5th grade. Through middle school, high school, and junior college--I was always the one singled out in English classes for my talent. I felt validated by this ability that seemed to come so effortlessly to me. I actively wrote and published poetry in periodicals until 2001 when I gave it up to homeschool my kids and pursue my interior design business. Not that I wasn't still writing in my head--constantly even--but my life seemed to be too busy and, frankly, too mundane to inspire me the way it used to. There was very little conflict--just a lot of schedules and blessed, happy peace. Of course I was thrilled to discover the blog world. Mundane, humorous parenting and house projects were the **stuff of blogging** and I loved having a little built-in audience to share in my journey.
Then my life got not so mundane anymore when my blessed, happy peace rode out the front door on my ex-husbands heels. Suddenly writing became not just fun for me anymore...but survival. An outlet to sort out all the crushing emotions and fears I was facing.
After a lot of prayer, I decided to go back and finish my final year of school to get my degree in English with a Writing emphasis. I knew I wanted to continue to stay at home and parent my boys as much as I could, and I thought finding a way to use my writing to make money would be a great way to go about accomplishing that goal.
The first thing I re-discovered as a returning student was my love for writing Poetry. Not that I wanted to make a living off of poetry (no one but Billy Collins does that), but I have always believed that if you could master the condensed art of writing a poem, you could write a hundred novels. I finally found a valued professor turned friend who was willing to not just read and grade my work but really point me in a useful direction. He told me to take 6 months and write a cohesive poetry manuscript. Which I did. It's still only 2/3 of the way done, but I have continued to work on and steadily revise the manuscript, finally having enough done to turn over to said professor for a first editing. I was pretty pleased with what I'd produced.I got it back last week.
What was left of it, that is.
There was a LOT of scribbling.
He said he loved my work. He said I wrote beautifully. He said I was amazing at coming up with endings. BUT...he said my ability to write was ruining my Poetry. It was too narrative. Not gritty enough. It was good...but probably not good enough yet. I held my half years worth of scribbled-on poems in my hands and just tried to catch my breath.
It was only one man's opinion, right? It probably didn't matter that he'd had a few poetry books and movie scripts of his own published, right? If it was something I was serious about, I should either learn to do better--somehow, or just push the critique behind me and see what the next person says, right? RIGHT?! Yeah...I don't know either. I have invested so much time and money into this endeavour to do something ~more~ with my writing than blog. My heart is in the written word-- like a calling I can't escape from. But maybe I really am more cut out to write technical manuals or work behind a desk? It's not too late to change majors. I DO have a family to think of that will need me to support them within the next three years...
Do I go with my heart on this one? Or do I trust a valued opinion? Maybe this is one of those pivotal life decisions I should leave to all of you to make for me, that way I can blame y'all when it goes up in smoke :).
I'll take whatever I can get in the form of comments...and be harsh if you need to be. I'm a little more calloused now than I was a week ago--and I think I can take it.
13 comments:
I am a vocal teacher... Very artsy and passionate about it, and about singing. I get kids ready for state solo and other festivals all the time. A lot of times a student will take the same song to different competitions for different judges. Each judge gives a different opinion, it never fails. It -of course- is different than my opinion too. Too fast... too slow, smoother, louder, more feeling... Is their really a right way? I always tell my students to never let one opinion tell you the scoop, if this was the case I would have stopped singing at 19 with a certain teacher that told me that I might need to look at another options. I don't support a family on my at home teaching... That throws in another monkey wrench to your decision, eh? BUT, I'm a believer in doing what you love though, it makes life easier. Best of luck. ♥
This is what a really amazing author once said about getting poetic while writing... I like it :)
"I notice that you use plain, simple language, short words and brief sentences. That is the way to write English--it is the modern way and the best way. Stick to it; don't let fluff and flowers and verbosity creep in. When you catch an adjective, kill it. No, I don't mean utterly, but kill most of them--then the rest will be valuable. They weaken when they are close together. They give strength when they are wide apart. An adjective habit, or a wordy, diffuse, flowery habit, once fastened upon a person, is as hard to get rid of as any other vice."
-Mark twain (Letter to D. W. Bowser, March 1880)
Is there a way to do both - prepare for a way to support your family and do the thing you are passoinate about write the poetry? I know that mundane life can take up a lot of your time (I have a fulltime job and 4 children) but you must schedule time for that which is important to you.
I have a child who thought she wanted to act. My advise to her was always to make sure she had a "day job" that would support her while her big break came along.
That would be my advise to you. Prepare for a career that can pay the bills but keep working on your poetry.
A devoted reader
Follow your passion- you only live once. I can relate to the NEED to write.
I wanted to major in creative writing in college, but minored in it instead and went for the PR degree because, hey, I still get to write, but it's boring writing. I do PR writing for a small company from home, but every now and then I break out my old poetry and creative writing and read it and remember how much I loved it. I won an award in college for a poem I wrote- it usually is given to an English major, but somehow I got it. When I submitted it, I felt embarrassed and insecure and when I never heard back I figured it wasn't good enough until I got an email months later from the English department. Then I felt cocky and awesome about myself. Now, when I look back, I wonder why someone's opinion (either way) could make me feel so good or bad. You have the talent, I say go for it. I wish I had pursued what I was passionate about instead of what made sense- if I could go back to school, I would do it differently.
I say press on....anything worth having is worth striving for....or something like that. What would you tell your kids?
Go for it...work to improve. Take the lashing and move on with your dream. It was probably your inexperience that balked when he didn't love your first draft....but there may be someone out there who loves the final product. Even it if's not what your friend expects. No harsh words meant for him, but should his word alone derail you?
You are strong, capable, and talented. Don't give up yet!
I really think for you writing is your mission. There are so many ways to make a buck from it and you probably need to just be really open and creative and figure out how you can live your dream - while supporting yourself.
Follow your passion...let knowone stop you !!!I was derailed many times but here I am today doing what I love.
Jen,
You said early in your post that when you made the decision to return to school and finish your degree you involved an important mentor. Don't let one person's raincloud dampen your parade...if it was right then, it is still right. I can't wait to buy your first novel/poetry collection!!
Love,
Jana
As the wife of a musician in a limping economy I am turning quite practical when it comes to career choices. I feel like the arts are a great hobby, but truthfully not a real secure way to go to provide for a family. If I were to be having to provide right now (which I may very well be soon if the orchestra my husband plays for continues to lose money) I would do a medical-related profession. I have a degree in piano performance. But I could become an EMT in 6 weeks and probably make more money / have benefits right away. You can always write for the sheer joy of it, and maybe even continue to work towards it providing income. But if it's anything like music, that can be a long, uncertain road even in the best of times economically.
You know you're a writer. So write. You won't be the best person you can be if you don't.
In life something always happens next. If you're on the right path chances are it'll be something good related to the field you're in.
You'll find a way but you'll have to take some chances.
Don't be disheartened by constructive criticism, we all have to learn to accept it (hard as that is sometimes), and if you can really use it in the spirit it was given and become an even Better writer - what have you lost? Remember that your friend is trying to help you. Accept, improve, succeed!
Right behind you on this one.
I suggest putting the manuscript down for a while, then looking at it with fresh eyes. When you are pouring your heart into it, it is easy to be too paternal about the work. But if you step back from it for a bit, you can better evaluate your work in light of the critique.
He is just one person. Writing is a process and I still edit my own poems and writings even years after the first rough draft. You still have four wonderful boys and family and friends who care sooo much about you. And you even have a whole gallery of bloggy friends cheering for you from the side lines. Chin up and keep marching to the beat of your own drum.
From my position on the inside edge of destitution, I lean toward the practical, paycheck side.
It's a whole lot easier, as an income-needing single mom, to be a payroll-employed person with a side dish of writer, than it is to be a poet with a side dish of payroll-employee. Just make sure your physical needs come before your passion, that's all.
As for the professor/teacher/mentor/friend fellow, I would say this: What makes your poetry YOURS, is all of the YOU in it. I wouldn't omit yourself to become the iconic poet in any camp's opinion; There are too many camps to please.
Who's to say that a time won't come when your work will be as recognizable as Tennyson, Longfellow, Dickenson, Whitman, or Thoreau? Perhaps some friend will someday encourage some fellow bloggermom and cite, "Who's to say that a time won't come when your work will be as recognizable as Tennyson, Longfellow, or Sanders-Peterson?" Hmmm?
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