I have a friend who's gone to jail recently. He's not a bad man--in fact, if you met him, you'd never think he'd be where he is. He's funny, gentle, soft spoken, and pretty easy on the eyes to boot. He was just given a rather rough deal in life from birth and--though I believe we're all still responsible for ourselves and can't blame our actions on any one or any thing--this friend just made some poor choices. Choices we could all potentially make. No drugs or alcohol or violence--just bad choices with money. In fact, I firmly believe that all of us are only a few bad choices or honest misunderstandings from being in jail. Think about it.
Anyway, I've never been to jail before. Especially not in the incarcerated myself way--but also never in the "just visiting" way. I thought I could just go in and see my friend. Bring him a measure of comfort and humor. See how he's doing. But apparently you can't just walk into the jail and visit. There's a process you have to go through of registering and then conforming to certain hours on certain days. Inmates can also only have one visit a week and you never know if they've been visited or not, so you have to just take your chances and go in.
I've thought of my friend a lot over this last week that he's been there. He went in for sentencing, thinking that he had a good chance of being let off with only probation. But instead--he was whisked off without warning to serve a month before his formal sentencing. He didn't have time to really say good bye to anyone or make any real preparations. He was just suddenly very, very alone in a very, very scary and unfamiliar place.
I think about the weight of carrying such a thing completely alone. No hand to hold. No comforting voice. No friends.
Alone.
Now, those of us who have a firm belief in Jesus Christ know we're never really alone. In fact, we know that He who descended below all things can show us the way back up. But still--how many of even you faithful ones have ever gone through a situation where you needed more than just an eternal assurance that things would be "ok" in a way you might not understand and in a time that could be very far away? How many of you have ever just wanted a pair of real, stable arms to wrap around you? Wanted someone who had some real answers, and a means to help you, to give you those things? Tangible things? I'm guessing there's a lot of yes-ing. I hope there are. I don't want to be the only one nodding here....
There's not a lot I can do to help my friend in jail right now. I will keep trying to go visit him. I will pray for him. But--in a real, physical sense--I can't ease that loneliness. I can't get to him.
But I can get to others.
And I plan to.
I feel like there are a lot of things I am carrying alone right now. And I have prayed for answers and help and deliverance and a myriad of other things that seem good and worthy. Right now, I'm told just to wait and be patient. And it's a hard feeling. Sickeningly frantic at times. But I know I can lessen that feeling and help ease the stress of waiting by reaching out to others. Even to those whom I perceive to be in a better situation than I am might need help that only I can give.
So I'm off to see who I can serve today and every day, and hopefully to find myself...by losing myself.
Hope you consider doing the same. :)
7 comments:
I know sometimes it is so much easier to just keep the problems to ourselves instead of sharing it. Especially when others aren't experiencing what you are going through. AND the last thing you want is someone to feel sorry for you. You want them to understand and come along side and give you a big hug, and just....just be there. And you want them to know that you are strong even when you cry...I guess I am guilty of that right now in my season of life.
And your friend...it isn't fun feeling hopeless and wanting to give a supporting hand when you know they just can't receive it where they are. I know he feels blessed to have your friendship. Keep putting him into the hands of the one that can be there and pray for peace..which I am sure you are doing :)
Have a blessed day!
Great reminder... and I just prayed comfort, patience (how dare I?!) and wisdom for your friend.
i am so totally with you when you say that waiting and being patient when we put our lives in the Lord's hands is "sickeningly frantic at times"
i feel that so keenly, often.
it is so scary --- but so necessary when we think on it. it truly is the only way that we can be taught that we are not in control of our lives (well, to a certain extent) and that we MUST rely on that Higher Being to guide us.
thanks, as always for your insight and wisdom.
A suggestion . . . although they may only allow one visit a week, I believe they can mail more often. How about sending several pieces of mail scattered throughout a set time period (1 week, 2 weeks, etc). Something as daily as a comic strip, clipped articles he might enjoy, letters, etc.
a handwritten letter is a good thing to receive no matter who you are or where you are at in any given moment.
Good luck.
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Forgive, me, I'm not a blogger. I thought I sent a comment to your blog, but methinks it was deleted instead. Now, trying to recall what I wrote, I hope the original doesn't resurface and I duplicate myself.
The story of your friend is sad. I teach my children that the choices we make have the potential to affect our entire lives. They have witnessed that through their own choices, and sometimes unfortunately, through the choices of their parents.
Which is why I write to you. The perspective you have of your friend is the one he has painted for you. It is his perspective. As one that has a broader understanding of the judicial system (not because of personal choices, but those of a loved one), I assure you that your friend wasn't whisked away without warning. There is a process that is followed in court. If he didn't comply with judge orders, if he ignored summons or his bailbondsman, all of these "non" choices become bad choices. Indecision becomes decision with time. Unfortunately for your friend, his time ran out. Judges don't like to be stood up. It has been my experience that if there is a bill to pay, a letter to write, court orders to obey, you better do it. Or there are bill collectors, warrants and other unpleasantries.
While I hurt for your friend and pray for his well-being, I also feel compelled to express a couple of things.
First, do not pretend to know what happens behind closed doors. There are people in this world that wear many masks according to the crowd they are in. The ones that are best at changing their masks are the gentle, soft-spoken, witty, easy on the eyes people. The bad choice your friend made that is now on public display is more than likely one of many hidden bad choices that have been buried deep under stories, maybe justification and even lies.
We have this gift God has given us of intuition, inspiration, our 6th sense. Whatever it is called, we should use it more. Listen to your heart. That, followed by principle, will help keep us right.
Thank you for sharing so much of yourself in your writings. I don't know you, but I recognize the Christlike attributes and am grateful that you shine.
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