Even at 27, a mother myself to two young, active boys with the third on the way; I could go to my mom's house where she would notice the fatigue on my face and in the slump of my shoulders, and tell me to go lay down on the couch. So I would. And I would lay there and watch the sway of the maple tree branches outside her window, listen to the sounds of her teaching the boys how to play Chinese checkers or bake cookies, and I would drift off. And she would still come and spread a blanket over me. In fact, I think I left myself purposely uncovered so she would. That feeling of being taken care of, so like a warm mug between my palms or the taste of sugar on my tongue. Comforting.
Mom is gone now. If I want a blanket while I nap, if I nap, I have to put one on myself. That feeling of another person watching over me has not been a luxury I've enjoyed for some time now, but that doesn't mean I am not still comforted. I have just managed to lump the kind efforts of various friends and family members, along with God's constant care, and let it be a stand in for that which I used to receive from my mother and my husband.
My boys, are of course my greatest comfort...if also my greatest tribulation at times :)
Z is 13. I'm so proud of the young man he's growing into--thoughtful, funny, responsible. He's experiencing some of the normal pitfalls of teenagerhood in his desire to find out who he is, where he fits in, and gain a degree of independence, but I trust the excellent man he'll come out the other side as because he's just...good.
E at 11 reminds me so much of myself in his personality. He dances to the beat of his own drummer and not everyone 'gets him', but those that do find what a delight he is. He prefers the company of adults, just like I did, but also loves to play with his friends and entertain crowds with his magic tricks and piano.
L at almost 7 is the most serious of my boys. He questions everything in a respectful way and loves to learn and to read and to explore. He is shy but his smiles are absolutely golden and when he gives one, it lights up his whole face. So grateful that he'll still come snuggle on my lap too.
J at 4 is still my "boyest" of boys. He is all snips and snails and puppy dog tails. I used to be afraid of his fearless nature but see it being tempered with age and experience. I worry that I haven't been able to mother him the way I have the other three, but he drinks in the extra love and attention his older brothers give him and I feel safe in knowing they make up for whatever may have been lost in my sudden busy-ness trying to play mom and dad. Because he's the only one who got my brown eyes, so many times I look at him and see my own childhood face as I remember it in the mirror...
Another source of comfort is my friendships. I do have some really, really great friends. Even my acquaintances are great.
While it was sad to step back my relationship with Ninja into a friendship, I am ever so thankful that he is still there for the boy squad and me when we need him. After I got my MFA rejection letter he took me down to the shooting range to let me blast it full of holes.
And for his birthday I made him lunch, bought him a dorky hat, made him wear the birthday 'sign of shame' and hired J as his ninja-style entertainment.
Then, there is the comfort I take from you readers and your kind comments. Seriously, on a day when I so need a pop of something happy, a great comment always ends up in my inbox and makes me smile. Couldn't ask for better readers. Well, except you, robot spammer who keeps leaving me comments about Viagra. You're just annoying.
~Happy Weekending!~ and let me know...
What do you take comfort from?
4 comments:
Precious, precious! Thanks for telling us about them. My youngest g/son is now 11, almost 12 and has got old enough to stay by himself if his mother is working and he is out of school. I knew that day was coming and so I enjoyed the times that I did keep him.
He's a fuuny kid-one day when we were riding around, he asked"Do you have your Target card?" and when I said I do not, he then asked "You want to run by your house and get it?" I told him again "No I do not." Ha! He loves that Target.
I have set through some kid movies with him that almost drove me crazy and if I asked him Do you understand this? he would try to hush me and make me be quiet.
Enjoy them while they are young. They will be grown before you know it--- I bet the oldest one feels like "the man of the house".
Love to your family!!
erma -TX
Darn- I can't keep leaving you posts about Viagra anymore?
Your boys are so cute. I take comfort in the fact that change is constant. it's bittersweet watching my babies grow right before my eyes, but then again, I look forward to the day I am not wiping butts and noses all day. When things get really bad, I know that it isn't permanent.
I also love being an adult, and not being at the mercy of someone else's decisions- even if that means I have to be all grown up and responsible, it's much better. Love my parents, but I am glad that I don't have to live with them ever again :)
I love your blog! You are a very talented writer-even creative in the way you change the fonts of letters in each post. As you can tell in my comment, I'm not very good at writing. I do admire those that do.
Anyway, I can tell you are also a wonderful mother to the boy squad! And thank the good Lord for Ninja being around. What a great friend!
I take comfort from reading the Bible. A verse I have memorized this year has really helped me during some very trying times in my own life lately.
"I would have despaired had I not believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord. Be strong and be of good courage. Yes wait on the Lord." Psalm 27:13-14
Dana in Texas
Jennifer,
Reading your post brought me back to thoughts of what comforts me. Just like your mom, my mom can do the most simple thing in the world but It means everything to me. I'm a mom of 3 boys and my world never seems to stop either so for someone to take the time and do a "simple thing" like making a sandwich would bring the biggest smile on my face. She wouldn't make anything fancy. Forget the gourmet bread or cheese just white bread and a kraft cheese slice. Too me that sandwich meant comfort.
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