I've been thinking about friends frequently lately. As we've moved to a new location and my children are branching out and making new friends, I'm reminded of the friends that have paraded through my life.
I'm reminded of the things we did together, the things we had in common, the things I liked about them, the things I didn't. I recall when and how the friendships were made......how long they lasted. Why they ended. If they ended. I ponder the healthy friendships and the not so healthy ones.
I've come to the conclusion that it has taken the span of my life of trial and error to find and appreciate and cherish my true friends. And that scares me a little bit as I watch my children embark on the friendship journey.
I've seen my children pick and chose their friends....or have their "friends" pick and chose them. I've loved some of their friends, and some--not so much. I've seen the gentle kindness shown by some of their friends, and have felt my heart swell as if that kindness was shown to me. I've seen my children hurt by friends and wanted to cry with them as they tried to work through the why's and how's. I've wanted to pull my hair out in frustration when they've persisted in going back for more. I've tried to help my children chose good friends, but there is only so much I can do.
I hate that. I want to spare them the heartache that inevitably comes when a friend doesn't turn out to be who we thought they were. But I can't.
I want to make sure that they are good friends to others. I wish that I could insure that they never hurt others, and that they had the maturity and foresight to steer clear of the unfair give and take that can exists in some "friendships".
Since I've had a hard time navigating this path on my own though, I'm not silly enough to think I can do this for my children.
I just WISH. I. COULD.
I guess I just have to learn from my experiences and hope that my children are much smarter than I've proven to be and that they align themselves with good people, like I now try to do.
I have some really exceptional friends, some in-person, and some I've never even met. Some astound me with their depth and generosity and spirituality and intelligence. Those are the friends I like to align myself with.
What about you? What character traits are most important to you in a friend?
25 comments:
honesty....and durability...is our friendship tough enough to endure the hard times?
Drama-free. It's rare between women...
Thanks for the good words about friends.
Struggling right now with my daughter who has suddenly become the target of some "friends" who are being less than nice. And it hurts to see her go through that. And it hurts more to know I can't do anything about it. I've been in prayer a lot about it.
"He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm." Proverbs 13:20
So does this officially qualify me as a stalker? Hope not, because I'm not gonna stop chasing you all over the world wide web! I'm so thankful for my BFF. She's the bestes. Loyal, smart, funny, thinks I'm funny (which is possibly her best trait), fun, supportive. Couldn't ask for more in the friend department. And, I'm gonna share her with all my online pals at SITScation because she's such an awesome pal, that she's allowing me to drag her along. I doubt that the allure of Vegas has anything to do with her decision to come along:)
good friends are hard to find, that's true! and i love this post!!!! good stuff! and i love this blog...i am now a friend here! :) and fab music!
Honesty and being trustworthy are the main attributes I like in a friend. I know I will act the same way when Jonathan gets older and he starts picking friends. I will want to pick them for him!
Well, as you know (angie) we are ALL working on making new friends since we just moved as well.
I echo your sentiments on my children finding friends. Especially as my oldest starts school and I may not know all the kids he's hanging around, etc. I pray that they make GOOD friends too...
Lovely post. : )
I've learned as I've gotten older who my true friends really are , and who they aren't.(I found it out very quickly early this year when I was hospitalized for complications from pregnancy.)Friends who bring real food to you @ the hospital and then the very next day go and love on your 3 other children clean your house and make dinner for your kids and husband , because they really care. And those that after the fact said "I meant to call , I just didn't know what to say" or "we were just so busy!"( Really ? Busy like for two months you couldn't pick up the phone to just say "Hi"?) But I digress! ( Sorry :o) ) The most important trait is one who is TRUE and loves you and yours just because. One who is there to listen and comfort and really , really does care!
Thanks for this! A great friend is one that doesn't talk about other people to death... One who remembers things like your birthday or your bad day last week... Uplifting, and warm like a campfire.
what a nice post. Im so blessed
what a nice post. Im so blessed
Great guest post, Angie! I consider YOU to be a friend, and I am grateful for that. The friends that have lasted for me through the years have been the ones who have not judged, but been good listeners. The true friends are the ones who you might not see for months but who feel comfortable and natural as soon as you see them again. True friends are loyal no matter what's going on in their lives or yours.
I know just how you feel...sometimes I dread the ups and downs that I know each of my kids will go through as they navigate friendships!
loyalty and compassion!
Someone who is non-judging and has an open mind. And of course loyalty and honest!
A friend loveth at all times... to me, a friend is someone who chooses to like you when you're doing great and also when you're doing crappy. They don't kick you when you're down. That's a friend to me. Real friends don't find pleasure in discovering that you're imperfect.
Ya know what Angie? I think I had better judgment in friends when I was younger than I do now! Well, maybe that's not so. Maybe it's that back then I had loads of people to choose from. Now, as a stay at home mom, my options are limited to who's immediately around me. And some of them are great people. Some? Not so much. I cannot stand the gossipy bullshit that goes on in a neighborhood like this.
Anyway, I would say THE most important thing I look for in a friend is complete and utter honesty.
Justine :o )
Wonderful post. Dear faithful friends are hard to find and worth investing in when you are blessed with them. I am grateful for the ones God has graced my life with. Blessings.
Wow.
And I mean, this was a WONDERFUL post, Angie.
What's important to ME in a friend?
Forthright-ness.
Candor.
Empathy.
Sacrafice.
Because I will give all of the above to a friend, and I have very few. Because I cherish that title.
I loved this post.
Jay
I understand!
Friends for our kids, friends for us, are so important.
Loyalty. Kinship (A spiritual kind of unity is what I'm trying to describe). Honesty/Being Real.
I could probably go on and on, but those are the ones which come to mind when I think of the friends I have, and the friends I hope to have in the future.
Ah, this post is very timely in my life right now. My oldest is heartbroken over the fact that she's having such a hard time making friends. She cries alot and I'm scared for her. Girls take it all so personally and, even at 8, girls can be downright mean to each other. It's an amazing life lesson in resiliency...one she needed to learn, but it's soooooo hard to watch.
A friend with a warm laugh and a joyful heart. They are things I treasure!
1st, thanks for the heads up because this is one area I haven't even thought about with my son being only 5 right now. I am almost relieved I have a son because they are a bit easier in the whole friendship/dating arena BUT your words all ring true. We can only hope the friends they chose enrich their lives and not bring them down.
I feel so blessed in the friendship department. The biggest character traits for me, I think, are honesty, fun and genuine.
I too have had friends come and go, and am sad about it. Usually distance dissolves the friendship, but there are some that have been keepers. I think it's just being so comfortable with them that it would seem odd not to have them in my life.
This really hit home with me. I can't even list the traits I look for in a friend. Obviously you want them to be loyal and trustworthy...but the real friendships just happen. And you just KNOW when they are right.
I've had the same core group of friends for at least 10 years--but love that every few years, I add a new one. And I agree with everyone else that some of the best traits are laughter and that ability to pick up where we left off and I have to add that I love to support my friends in their goals and be supported in mine.
Thank you sooo much Angie! Love ya!
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