the story that needed to be told, part 4

We're now in January of 2009. It had been nearly 9 months since Scott's last and only visit to me. I had settled into the reality of being a divorced mother--busy and tired all the time--and I had nearly forgotten about him again when I received this email (names have been removed or changed) :



Jennifer , My Name is Christa. We received a letter a while back addressed to my husband Scott from you , I opened it and was debating to give it to him to read or not. I wanted to share something with you----I was Married 14 years when my husband left me with two children. I met Scott and we have been Married for 7 years now and together we have 4 children 2 grandchildren. I feel for your 13 year marriage ending and all of the horrible things you had to endure.




I can say I know what it is like.....I have been thru similar things myself. I lost my mother , father , grandmother and 4 other family members in 1 year to cancer...... Scott left Deanna because she was pregnant with another mans baby because of the cheating going on between the both of them......Scott fell into a big black hole was living in a trailer with nothing, smoking and drinking himself into oblivion, sleeping with everyone he thought would fill his void while his children suffered.





I met him when he was just starting to pick himself back up and try to better his life as much as he could. I gave him a home and some structure in his life and his children some stability as much as I could. The first 3 years together we became very successful bought a huge home for all the kids and what I thought was the perfect dream marriage. We have everything in life anyone could ever want or imagine, financially and spiritually.






I received a call one day out of the blue from a woman who he had cheated with on a business trip that month and had made plans on leaving me and getting a home for her to move here ------ to make a long story short he cheated with many woman the whole time we were married and it all came out that day. I was so blind to it all. The life he lead with Deana never left.



I forgave him and we tried to move on, but he did it again and again and again, I forgave him and tried again to move on until one day he stood up off the couch and told me he had fallen in love with someone else and was leaving me......He left out of state on a business trip the same day and again cheated with a complete stranger....returned and decided the woman he had met wasn't going to work out.... We went to counseling to try and better things but it didn't work. Scott only wanted to blame everyone but himself for his life choices.






On a daily basis I wonder why I am still here and how our marriage will ever make it thru this but because of my faith in God I stay and pray things will change. I believe anything worth having takes patience, time and a lot of love, working thru a lot of pain and tweaking things until they fit. I can tell you living this life is more pain then I can bear so I know God is with me until he moves my life into another direction I remain committed to my vows. I don't know what happened between the two of you 15 years ago, or where his mind was when the two of you met. Scott claims nothing ever happened between you even though I know he was never faithful to Deanna either, which is part of what brought on their divorce. I can only assume something was there between you two and somehow you felt like a little part of you could have prevented there divorce or somehow you could of helped him out maybe there was some cheating between the two of you I don't know........I want you to know nothing you could have done no amount of support would have changed things. Scott's life was headed in the path he wanted it no matter who he met.





It touched me to know there is someone still out there who cared enough to ask for forgiveness after so many years.... I have become Callas in a way as I am told most woman do when they fight the battle of a cheating husband, wondering if all woman are just out to destroy as many marriages and family's as they can. Suspicious of everyone he meets. Your letter sparked hope in me that I am not the only one out here who still values marriage, family and has a heart to preserve Gods plan . I did give the letter to Scott and left it up to him if he wanted to respond or not. He chose not to whether it be because he was afraid what I might find out of his past or because he heard what he needed to hear and felt no need--Rather it had an effect in his life or not.. Thank you for giving me hope in mine. Lets just say the hope and support you feel you didn't give back then has been delivered. I chose today to write you because Scott had no idea I was considering packing up what life I have left for the new year and file for Divorce when I ran across your letter in some paperwork I was putting away.....I have changed my mind and I am going to give this new year a chance----So the support or help you wanted to give him 15 years ago has been given. I hope your life and the New year is a happy one. May God bless your children help them through and may you find the man of your dreams. Never look back and never give up.
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And what was I supposed to say to that? Should I write back and tell her that he HAD come to see me? Set up that creepy email account? Let her know he was still lying to her?



I couldn't do it.





I only wrote her back a brief thank you for the kind words and wished her all the best. Whether that was the right thing to do or not, I don't know. I just know she had brought me a measure of peace concerning that dark period in my life, and I prayed for some peace in hers.

And that's the end of the story.... Why did I feel compelled to share it? *Perhaps to show the lasting effects that bad decisions can have on so many other people besides the person making the choice. *Perhaps to show how easy it is for even a good person to get swept up in what is obviously wrong.*But more than both of those things, this is what it meant to me......

We women, we want so badly just to be treasured and loved and needed. Not taken for granted. Not used as objects. Not be cheated on or lied to or broken. And sadly it seems that for every one good man out there, there are seven or eight good women....leaving far too many who struggle in their circumstances every day--unrespected, unappreciated.




I truly hope I have seen the last of Scott for now and forever, but his stalwart third wife served as a powerful reminder to me that there is sorrow in each quiet heart. Reach out if you can. When you can. Each time you can. Be good to one another. Do no harm.