Can you believe I used to lecture on blogging?! I think in these past few months I have broken every single rule of running a good blog that I used to speak about: sporadic entries, not doing much reading myself, making my posts longer than a 3 minute read. My hit counter looks like a seriously angled slippery slide!
And yet, I know there are some of you who still keep reading...so I keep writing....knowing that one day I will have a span of down time where I can come back and engage in your lives again. At least I hope I will....
I've been feeling awfully afraid of my future lately. I met with my school advisor last week who suggested I add a Business minor to my English/Writing major, as there isn't currently a lot of paying work outside of teaching for English majors. A business minor with some careful internships could get me into Advertising/PR work (in competition with the Communications graduates, of course). Adding a minor would mean at least another year, more than likely two, to my school commitment....and I just don't know that I have that much time. I have about three and a half more years of "funding" in me before I will have to go to work. And--as many of you are experiencing first hand--"work" is the new four letter word. People with multiple degrees and Masters degrees and years of experience are still ****ing in stock rooms at Target right now.
If I spend too much time thinking about it, it almost makes my heart seize. I want nothing more in this world than to stay at home and raise my boys. I KNOW I am smart and creative and talented and capable and hard working---but I would still rather apply those talents to my mothering, not in some bedraggled form of gainful employment.
Do I sound gloomy? I suppose I am-- a bit, but my faith is still strong and bright. I am certain that God will take care of me and these precious children he has entrusted me with. That doesn't mean He isn't going to ask me to do hard things though. I CAN do hard things....I just don't want to. Might it mean losing my house at some point? Possible daycare for my little ones? I don't know. I don't want to know.
For now, I'm just going to keep doing the best I can. Be a careful steward of that which I have, and keep the prayer in my heart that I have offered up every day for 19 months now. The prayer for Peace, Patience, Inspiration, and Ability.
Wishing you all the same.
17 comments:
What!? I'm actually first?
I wish you all the best Jennifer as you make those tough decisions in the next few years.
As I'm currently expanding my own business from home(with a 2 year old toddler and another on the way this February) I continually have to re-group and prioritize between my duties as mom verses my dreams of designing flowers for weddings.
Life is crazy at times, but I'm sure you'll find a way to manage it all.... you have so far, and very well might I add. GOOD LUCK!
I think it is ok to feel like, "I don't want to." But it is the strong and brave that do it anyway.
Praying for you Jennifer and the boys. I have been reading your blog in my google reader so maybe others are as well. You are strong, smart and can do anything!!!
YOu look GOOD as a red head. :)
Hoping for the best for you.......because you so deserve it.
Did you mean boarders? I seriously pictured you working border patrol for a minute...and my feeble little mind had to ponder the possibilities of the border guard needed in ohio or wherever you are...
Ahem.
I think anyone in your position would feel EXACTLY the same!
Thank you for reminding me to value each and every second I have here at home....teaching these blessings....And even though this was not your 'choice' He still knows the desires of your heart.
Peace and be still- you are loved!
Jen,
This post sounds like I could have written it, but I'm just not brave enough to have it out there yet. I found out last month that my job will be ending in May, and I was really upset about it to begin with. No I am getting used to the idea and thinking about what I want to do to get the bills paid.
I have to have some kind of job that pays a salary and has some kind of benefits and I am sending out my resume to every job I think I could handle. I did write a book over the summer (a YA novel) and am revising it and getting ready to send out query letters, but that isn't something I can count on (btw, if you have any advice or connections, let me know.)
But at the same time there is the window opening up, with all these dreams of things I could possibly do. I could completely change my career if I wanted to. I have been thinking that I might find a job, but then go back to school online to do something else. This possibility excites me.
I was so scared a month ago, and now I am excited. Our God is wonderful, isn't he?
Now, if He would only find me a baby...LOL.
You ARE a smart, creative, talented girl. I will be praying that good things will be coming your way soon!
((hugs))
Jen
stay in the boat...stay in the boat...and you'll be fine. JON
the way will be provided... no doubt...
I must not have been paying real close attention when my mom and dad were trying to explain how hard it is to make ends meet sometimes. So, good rule of thumb is to use what you have. Publish your writings (they keep giving as long as they keep selling). I grow a garden also, it helps. The hunting also puts a bit of meat in the freezer. This is part of the reason I try to get my son away from the video games and out in nature.
Chin up! You are doing a great job.
peace, peace, peace....it seems that that word is a constant plea in my prayers as well.....prayin' right along with ya!
I understand completely. We are now on a strict budget, not something I am use to. urrr! We are not eating out, buying clothes, etc.
I have applied for a p/t evening job with a college. It is all new to me, but all good. We may not know how or why God is positioning us, but it is for a reason!
Keep your chin up, keep trusting God and keep moving forward!!
Lisa Q
Jennifer - I know you will find a way to support yourself and boys, and I hope you are able to do that by doing what you love. Stay focused, stay strong, and keep your eye on the prize.
For whats it worth, I truly believe that you are giving your boys have an amazing shining example of the kind of person they should aim to be. When they are older they will look back and see what an amazing mom they had growing up. And if times get tough for them, you will be an inspiration to them to work hard and persevere. I know that doesn't pay the bills, but I thought you should hear it.
It's not some deep spiritual advice, but my mom always told me that in life you are dealt a hand. Some days its a winning hand, some days it stinks, but you can't walk away from table. You never fold. You take your hand and you play it.
You are definitely doing that. I would have thought about folding, but you never have. I hope you get the best hand there is soon. The analogy my mom used is a good one, but I don't know poker, so whatever the best poker hand is - I hope you get it. :)
Ah man :(
I have a great plan. You can come live with me and we can be room mates like we were as teenagers. Of course I think 8 kids in one house might be a bit much :) Not a day goes by that I don't look around at what I have and think how quickly it could all be gone. I try to hold on to that when there are kids fighting or too many demands. I can't imagine having the energy to do it all while working. If anyone can pull it off its you. You're an amazing, talented, awe inspiring woman whom I'm proud to know.
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