happy

I am really happy right now. I mean, I always have been--that's a blessing promised to all those who anchor their trust in a Higher Power (which I have diligently done)--therefore, I've always been given a steady, peaceful, "somehow- everything-is-going-to-be-ok-even-if-it-seems-impossible-right-now-and-besides-there's-always-the-next- life" type of happy. But, every now and then--it's nice to get a big bucket of good old- fashioned worldly kind of happy dumped on your head. The peace is still there, but now it's also got little smiling guys made of glitter and rainbows dancing a jig and eating ice cream on top of it. It's Ben and Jerry happy. It's clean sheet night happy. It's just found $20 in the pocket of those pants you haven't worn in 6 months happy. It's snuggled up with my boys reading Frog and Toad stories and laughing happy.

I'm finally starting to see some good things come together just when God told me they would. Yup. He did....

For the first year and a half after my divorce, my scriptures (and any other sets I would read from) seemed to fall open to this random verse. I think I ignored it or chalked it up to coincidence the first two times it happened, but by the third time, I thought, hmmmm....God seems to be trying to talk to me here. The verse simply said: "And now, verily I say unto you, that it is not expedient that you should go until your children are provided for...And after a few years, if thou desirest of me, thou mayest go up also unto the goodly land, to possess thine inheritance."

In and of itself, it doesn't say much. And if you put it in context of the situation it occurred, it really, REALLY didn't make sense as relating to me. There are certainly more inspiring, prettier verses than that one, right? But it was the way it spoke to my heart that made me know how significant it was to me personally. I didn't know exactly what "providing for my children" meant, though I assumed it was probably temporal and equated with my finishing school. I still did my best to meet that requirement though, by providing for them spiritually and emotionally to the very best of my ability these last 3 years. And as for the "goodly land" part, well, I first found the scripture while I was still dating Haute Cakes and wondering how we were ever going to make it work-- how to buy the house in California, sell mine here, and get the boys and I moved down there. Again, it seemed like my finishing school was the key to making things work.

For so many reasons I knew I Must. Finish. School.


Now....I'm finished with school....and guess what?

I graduated on Saturday. And by Monday...I had four jobs.

1, 2, 3, 4 (!!!!)


I landed the coveted PR/Marketing position, beating out far more qualified individuals than myself. I was signed on to freelance for a very cool new lifestyle and entertainment magazine starting in my city. I still have my job writing for the web design company. And, on the day I took my interior decorating firm 'off hiatus', I had three people call and want me to start work on significant projects for them. I will probably have to work all four of these jobs for a while, but I don't even care because a. they're all fabulous and b. I've garnered some pretty mad multi-tasking skillz after this last semester which would be a shame to let go to waste.

I can see now how so many things worked together to get me here: meeting certain people who introduced me to other people who pulled a few strings for me because they knew I was capable and hardworking; stumbling into the whole world of freelance and promotional writing like I did; discovering and developing talents I didn't know I had.  Now don't get me wrong--this is all exciting and such, but more than anything I love being a mom. It is my heart. I would give up every worldly achievement just to know that I did right by my kids. I wish I could continue stay at home with them, even homeschool again, but--if I need to provide for their needs as the scripture directed, then how can I not be grateful that God has been so generous with ways to do that? The boy squad and I will figure out how to make it all work so that I can still be here when they need me, and, hopefully, even when they don't. To be there at those crossroads. We'll hold on to our good routines. We'll keep praying together. We'll do hard things together. "That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do, not that the nature of the thing itself has changed, but that our ability to do it has increased."

And as for the "goodly land" being California? Well, I still wouldn't mind a move there. Especially when it is  SNOWING on us here in Idaho in mid-May(!) Plus, the perks of being able to ride my longboard year round, write poems about the jacaranda trees in bloom, eat TK turkey burgers, shop for cheap junk at IKEA, and put my feet in the warm sand while staring out across the ocean at what appears to be forever. *Contented sigh* The jobs I will be working would all transfer really well. And there are some pretty great MFA programs over in that direction...  Maybe in a year or so. We'll see. Haute Cakes may not be an option anymore but he sure did get me hooked on the "goodliness" of his land :)

It's always nice to have something to plan for whether or not it comes to pass.

And now the lesson I learned which I hope you will believe is true for yourself, too: God let me walk until my feet gave out. Then He let me crawl until I didn't think I could last one more minute. Then He let me see that even that broken, with His help, I could go a little futher still. Then He picked me up...and He carried me. Just like He promised to do. I'm sorry if I ever doubted.