10 stories my mother could tell you

You know those stories that come up again and again whenever the family gets together for holidays or around the campfire? Well, my mom was keeper of our family stories and would tell them often and willingly. I miss hearing them and yet am glad that I don't have to constantly re-live the embarrassment and yet YET also don't want to forget them for lack of re-telling.

So here they are...the 10 Stories my Mother loved to tell about Me:

1. The one where I, potty training at 2, used the display toilet at Sears to do my bizness. And how my mom learned from that day on never, never to turn her back on me.

2. Age 4: The one where I was told there was no money for McDonalds (although there was and it was really a case of my mom not wanting to go there...again), so I made my big brown eyes sad, wrangled up a handful of Dandelions and some rocks and went door-to-door, peddling them to our neighbors, telling them I was so hungry and wanted to go eat, but "my mom doesn't have any money." I came home with two pockets full of change.

3. The one where, when I was 6, my 16 year old sister took me out for a completely inappropriate night of fun that consisted of the Rocky Horror Picture show (in costume), dancing to punk music at Club Xenon, cruising the strip for boys, then out to eat spaghetti and sundaes at Denny's at 2am...which I threw up on the table. It's still one of the best nights in my memory :)

4. Age 14: Mom has to call Poison Control because I've been 'snacking on' Flintstone Vitamins...not knowing that if they'd  had iron in them, I would have been dead. I remember Poison Control asking, "How old is the child?" And my mom sheepishly answering, "Fourteen..." I blame those vitamin people for making those little things so tasty. Especially the purple ones.

5. The one about how my brother and I (and often assorted neighborhood kids who always knew to come to our house when they wanted to do off-limits stuff) would entertain ourselves while Mom was working her second night job by jumping off our roof...onto a bean bag. How no bones were broken is still a miracle to ponder.

6. My mom passed away when she was 64, never having had her ears pierced. She was very staunch in her belief that I needed to wait till I was 12 to have mine pierced so I would understand the ramifications of making a permanent change to my body. So...when mom says no--get your older sister to do it! I came home with one pair of earrings at 7, second  holes at 9, third holes at 13, and by the time I came home from my first year of college, I was rocking 6 holes. And blue-streaked hair. And refused to wear anything but Doc Marten boots and a leather motorcycle jacket, including with my church dresses. I'm so glad she told me I was beautiful anyway :)

7. The one where I completely totaled my one month old  sporty, red, brand new car. That one was always told sadly when she got to the part where my passengers and I really shouldn't have survived the rollover on the freeway we did, and then with a bit of triumph during the part where I had to take to college the very old person-looking 1983 Chrysler E-Class we bought for our exchange student. The one that talked. (The car talked...well, and the exchange student.)

8. The one time I decided to unofficially change my name to Merrick Diego, and applied for Army recruiting information using it. She was pretty sure they were going to throw me in jail for providing false information. I was told never, never to give anything but my real name again. Nor to use the horrendous spelling of Geniphur I'd devised.

9. The one where I decided to cook breakfast for everyone on the morning of my wedding. French toast. Therefore making myself late. To my own wedding. Yeah.

10.  The one where I thought a garbage disposal was for actual garbage--you know, paper towels, go-gurt wrappers, envelopes... I've always been intelligent, but never claimed to be smart :)

*Disclaimer: You may never hold this information against me and are released to the right only to tell them should we ever be across a Thanksgiving table or campfire from one another.