2011: the year that almost kicked my bum...and that's saying a lot

I can't believe I went a week without posting! In my head I've been writing it, but I suppose that does you no good, right? I've been busy with my boys, busy with work (fresh start/new year stuff), busy at Fusion magazine hashing out our new issue (17 writers to manage, 30 stories--hi-yah!), busy at interior design stuff, and realllly busy trying to get my MFA portfolios ready to mail out this weekend. Oh...and I was busy winning this contest, too.

Busy.

That was pretty much my theme for 2011.

The year seemed to pass in a flash until I slow it down month by month and then think, Whoa! How the heck did I do all that?! Here's a small portion of what I experienced, accomplished, endured, and learned in 2011:

JANUARY
The year didn't start off well. (<-- still my most read blog post ever). In fact, the first few months of the year were spent taking my boy squad through one of the most emotionally grueling periods of their life, exposing them to way more than I wanted to as to what had been going on behind closed doors the previous two years. Followed by an episode of PTSD and a kidney stone for me. I like to think the boys and I made it...or are at least still on our way.

FEBRUARY
Valentines Day made me realize Ninja and I weren't just "waiting things out for a while" as friends, hoping to become more again as I had thought. It was really over. He wasn't willing to make the changes I needed him to make in his life--and I really can't fault him. I think how insanely hard making permanent changes in my own life is, and how I can't expect it to be any easier for someone else. Even for love. He is still responsible for some of my happiest, funniest memories, and one of the best friends I've ever had. And he still gave me bragging rights that I long-term dated someone eight years younger than me :)  I wish things could have ended differently, but life goes on. It must.

Also--I read the majority of these books. In one month. Did I mention I picked this semester to take 25 credits? 9 of them Literature courses. Pretty sure I was clinically insane.

MARCH
I watched my bestest single girlfriend get married. I'll never forget the huge grin on her face as she walked out of the park where their ceremony was held, while I blasted "My Chick Bad" on my ghetto blaster (yes, I still use the term 'ghetto blaster' :) ). I thought about how single life was going to be so different without her, so much less "wheeeeew fun!" In fact, this year saw many of my single girlfriends get married and have babies. *Graduating* we call it.

March is also the month I learned I hadn't been accepted to the one MFA program I'd applied to. I was stupid and/or overly hopeful and/or confident to just apply to only one place. I did it too rushed. I knew I wouldn't get in...but the news still hurt. I had no idea what I was going to do after graduation, but I knew I wasn't going to give up. Ninja took me to shoot my rejection letter. Best. day. ever.

APRIL
I did it! I did it! I did it! Somehow, I finished the 25 credit semester. I graduated from a prestigious English/Writing program with honors and a 3.6 GPA (3.8 for the semester). I walked the line on a Saturday. I had two job offers on Monday. I met Mr. Perfect who seemed to think I was pretty swell. I took a deep breath for the first time in months. I thought life couldn't get any better.

MAY
I think I spent most of May sleeping. Seriously. I needed it. J turned 5. There was Mother's Day. That's about all I remember.

JUNE
The month of whiplash change for me. As a graduation present to myself, I flew down to spend my birthday in Southern California and take in the Tim Burton exhibit with Mr. Perfect. Sadly, heartbreakingly, a few days before I got there, he realized he still had a chance with an old girlfriend of his and decided to take it. We still had a great day together. I just kind of thought the world had ended is all. Thank goodness for a blogging friend turned real life friend who swooped in and saved that day with Mexican food and gelato.

Two weeks later, I met Dr. Yummy. I knew almost right away that he was *the one.* The one you meet who makes you realize why it didn't work out with anyone else. I don't think I've ever smiled so much. Ever. He had such a passion for life and seemed so eager to join in everything I loved, too. Every day was an adventure with him. And my kids adored the man. I thought it was going to finally be my turn to "graduate." Dr. Yummy talked that way, too.

JULY
It was just bliss. Spent mornings hiking and longboarding, long nights looking at stars while I walked hand in hand with the one I was growing more attached to every day. Hours of talking. Loved my perfect job (even though it was only a paid internship). Loved writing for the magazine. Threw myself the coolest backyard concert belated birthday party where I got to feature some of my uber talented friends and enjoy the company of all I loved.

AUGUST
 Started out wonderfully. I took a trip to the Peterson family's mountain cabin with the boys and Dr. Yummy. We paddle boated and played in the sand on the lake. Much laughter. Dr. Yummy took  Z, E, and I white water rafting for the first time. I never knew I could be so in love. My heart was at peace.  I was unafraid.

The last week in August, I learned that my internship had to end--not enough money to keep paying for it when the project I was hired to work on wasn't taking off as smoothly as they'd hoped. Terrified, and with no idea of where to even start looking for employment, I clung to my boys, my faith, and Dr. Yummy.

SEPTEMBER
Actually enjoyed being out of work for this month. I had enough income to pull me through and buy me some time. It was wonderful being a stay at home mom again--cleaning my house, working in the yard, baking cookies, volunteering, being there when the boys got home. It was all so familiar, so good again. I still think it's what I was meant to do. I wish it could have lasted. But, looking for work became my full time work despite meeting with a lot of dead/no promise ends.

In happier news, I "auditioned" (via work submission) my way into an MFA Poetry workshop and was able to assistant teach a 300-level Fiction class. School, writing...they always worked magic on my soul. They were (and are) always there for me.

OCTOBER
Usually my favorite month. Not so much this year. This happened mid-October. Apparently Dr. Yummy hadn't been as in love as he claimed to be. Apparently this was a pattern with him. Apparently I was stupid to think I should be any different. Break-ups happen. I'm ok with it...or still learning to be. I still only hope the best for him.

God didn't let me stay in despair too long. He started to open up some doors right away. A new job working PR and Marketing and using my writing. A new group of single friends to have fun with. A darling 7 year old with half his teeth missing. Success in the classes I was taking/teaching. Fall. Halloween. My childrens' laughter. An increase in faith.

NOVEMBER/DECEMBER
Life has blossomed again in the form of opportunity. In addition to the new job (which I adore!), I was promoted to Literary Director at Fusion Magazine--a chance to shape the entire voice of a thus far visually-driven magazine. I took on a regular design client who has months of projects she wants to work on and doesn't mind paying my full fee. I got the awesome chance to start co-hosting an NPR-style radio show about writing. I decided to make another run at MFA programs. People I meet already seem to know my name--who I am, what I stand for, what I am capable of, my red hair. I am, I believe they say, "arriving." Humbled.

I also decided to start dating again in late December. Casually. Cautiously. I have some good prospects, one in particular who seems to be willing to give me the time and space I need, but wants me to know he's there...and that he like-likes me. It's scary having been hurt so many times. I'm not looking to rush into anything but hopefully, maybe, one day. We'll see. Slow and steady. I like me. Just like I am. I don't want to lose me again. I want to find someone who doesn't want to change me. Someone who can keep up :)

So, as I complete my first week of 2012, and after having finished a successful and well-attended reading tonight, I almost don't want to go to sleep. Reality, for once, is winning over my dreams. I know it won't always be like this. I wouldn't want it to be. I have learned I NEED trials. I need growth and refinement. I won't ever choose them, but I still need them. For now though...for now, this is just the breather I needed.

Here's to the New Year. May it be blessed and pleasant for all of us!