the wrench in the machine

I got 3 of my 5 MFA applications submitted this week. The other two are due March 1 and being diligently worked on. When I placed that fat manila envelope in the mailbox of the program director at Boise State (program #3 I applied to), I felt like a marathon runner crossing the finish line. My legs suddenly got all wobbly, my heart rate dropped, and it took everything in me not to lay down on the futon in his foyer and take a nap.

I then enjoyed 36 blissful hours to myself where I slept a full 6 hours, did some trail running, had a meeting for the magazine, and actually looked my children in the eyes. It was honestly delightful.

Then...back to work.

Not that I mind. Glad to be busy. Hard to feel sad/worried/sorry for yourself in any way when you've got no time for it. Glad that I can still manage to seize every opportunity possible to spend with my boys. "Adventure" is our middle name.

A good thing, too.

I have applied to 5 different MFA programs:

1. Boise State University (my first choice not only because the faculty is amazing, but I could--you know--stay here in my house and keep all my jobs. Also, it's funded).

2.  UC Irvine in California (my second choice because of the illustrious alumni and the type/caliber of work they're producing, similar to what I would like to write. Plus a chance to work with Ai and Ron Carlson. Also funded.)

3. CSU Long Beach in California (fabulous visiting professors and, hey, beach!)

4. Warren Wilson in North Carolina (increasingly excited about this program and its history the more I learn about them)

5. Pacific in Oregon (a Fiction writer's dream faculty including Pam Houston and Benjamin Percy).

Programs 1 and 2 are ranked in the top 25 in the nation. Programs 4 and 5 are also nationally ranked but are low-residence, which only require me to be on campus for 20 days of the year, finishing the rest of my work via correspondence. Programs 2 and 3 are full time and will require a move to Southern California, where I've never hid I've always wanted to move--at least to give it a try.

So, even though I've done quite a bit of looking in to what the move would require, I sat down and started searching for specific places to rent  within a 30 minute radius in the Irvine/Costa Mesa/Fountain Valley/Long Beach/as far as Placentia areas. Yeah...

Good thing California has a beach and we can go outside all year, because it appears that 2 bedrooms and 1,000 sq ft are the most I can afford. Not that we live like royalty right now in our 1800 sq ft home, but it's well laid out on one floor, I've got everything organized, plus have the garage and a garden shed. I know how frugally most MFA students live--I've been guests in their humble abodes. Most of them aren't trying to make room for four children though.

I asked the boys how they would feel about all sharing one room for 8 months out of the year for the next 2 years. Their answer? "Cool!"

**They're excited about the possibility of a move, excited about the change of scenery, connecting with old friends and making new ones, the chance to learn to surf, comforted by the fact that we get to come back here, eventually.**

I love that they're like that. We've all learned a valuable lesson over the last few years:  Adaptation.

You can plan and plan, but it's when the wrench gets thrown into the machine that the exciting stuff starts to happen. It's not always good (fire, smoke, grinding metal on metal sounds...) but it's not always bad either. It's what keep life interesting-- keeps you on your toes--having to figure out a different way to do things. I like to think about Lucy and Ethel in the chocolate factory with those chocolates going by faster and faster. Sometimes what seems to be a disastrous event, gets to end with your cheeks shoved full of chocolate :)

Most of the schools I've applied to get at least 10 times more applicants than they are able to accept, so my chances of getting accepted at any of them are slim, even with a few amazing, well-recognized writers/faculty members fighting for me. Still, that whole adaptation lesson can apply to my being accepted...or not.

Good things can--and will--happen, regardless. In fact, it's kind of nice letting a board of professors decide my fate. Takes a little pressure off me to only have to worry about the type of reaction/attitude I'll have. I did my best. I worked my  hardest. I feel the portfolios I've submitted are a good representation of what I have done and can do. The rest is out of my hands...

As long as it's not always throwing me on the ground and not letting me get up, I don't mind if life wants to twirl me around a bit...and feed me too much chocolate.