continuing adventures in single life

Do you remember when you were in junior high and high school (and maybe even into college) and you had girls that were your friends one week....and your enemies the next? When girls in general just seemed to be catty and gossipy and a bit backbiting?

And then you grew up, got married, had children, and it seemed every woman you met was suddenly..... really nice. You'd chat with other married mommies in the park. You'd spontaneously compliment another married mommy you saw in Target on her pretty green purse. You'd swap recipes and talk about Oprah with the PTA mommies. Of course there were still one or two mean ones rocking the boat, but overall--life just seemed full of sugar and spice.

Did you notice what got subtracted there between the high school part and the mommy part?

Men.

When the women have staked their claim, and the men are married off and taken out of the competition, everything (and every one) just settles down . Suddenly you don't care if Suzie-Q has cuter hair than you, or Barbie Doll looks better in her cheerleading outfit----because you have a man that thinks your hair and cheerleader legs look perfect just the way they are.

Well--I have discovered that when you throw a couple of eligible, single men into the pit of snarling, single women----the *nice* gloves come off again. Suddenly you get yelled at for stealing so and so's "boyfriend" when she saw him first. ...Gossip is flying about like confetti on New Year's..... Alliances are formed and broken..... Your shoes get stolen at a party. Even some one like me trying to stay on the outskirts of it all (and enjoying a few laughs here and there at the ridiculousness) catches a stray punch in the gut from time to time.

Think Knots Landing face slapping circa 1986--yeah, it's like that.

What's funny too, is how low the "eligible" standard has dropped this second time around. Does he have a job? Can I look him directly in the eyes without throwing up a little in my mouth? Is he able to move about without the aid of a motorized scooter? If you can answer yes to all 3 of these, you too, could qualify as a very desirable "eligible single man" and be snatched up quicker than you can whistle Jiminy Cricket!

So, I guess this is just my friendly message to any of you who think it might be glamorous to live the single life once again: stay in the **nice lady boat** and don't jump out into the shark-infested waters. The sharks might smell pretty and have Crest White Strip-ped teeth....but they still bite.