sufficient for the day

My dishes are done. My floors are swept and mopped. My checkbook is balanced. The vomit covered car seat has been shampooed for the fourth time this week (concussion=lingering nausea---- that seems to show itself every time we get in the car). My children are read to and kissed and tucked safely in their beds. My house is eerily quiet.

This use to be the time of day I so looked forward to. A time for re-connecting. A time for the day's reflection. A time to laugh and be close. Now, I usually invent a hundred things to keep me busy between the boys' bedtime and when I finally fall into bed exhausted--but they all got done too quickly tonight. And I find myself still and lost in my thoughts. Mostly good ones thankfully.

There is a story in the scriptures that really fits how I've been feeling these past few weeks. I know I have shared it with at least one of you before. It is the story of Elijah and the widow of Zarephath. Because of the drought caused by the sealing of the heavens, there is a famine over all the land. Elijah, following God's counsel, goes to Zarephath and finds a widow there gathering sticks. He asks her for water, and she immediately starts off to go get it. As she leaves, he asks also for a morsel of bread. Her reply: "As the Lord thy God liveth, I have not a cake, but an handful of meal in a barrel, and a little oil in a cruse: and, behold, I am gathering two sticks, that I may go in and dress it for me and my son, that we may eat it, and die".

Oh! how many times I have felt like that lately. As though I am on my very last emergency reserves of stamina, of patience, of forgiveness, of peace, of happiness, and of ability of every kind. That I am trying my very best to serve God (fetching the water), but I simply can do no more for Him (bring bread) because it feels as though I barely have enough strength for myself and my children-- and if I have to give any more or endure any more--I'm going to die. Elijah's answer is God's answer to me too:

"Fear not; go and do as thous hast said: but make me therof a little cake first, and bring it unto me, and after make for thee and for thy son. For thus saith the Lord God of Israel, The barrel of meal shall not waste, neither shall the cruse of oil fail, until the day that the Lord sendeth rain upon the earth".

First--I have to serve God. I have to read, study, ponder, pray. I need to think of ways to serve my family and others. I must give a little more of my anger, of my fear, of my pride, of my will over to Him each new day. He doesn't ask for the whole loaf-- just a little cake. But his promises are immense.

"And she went and did according to the saying of Elijah: and she, and he, and her house did eat many days. And the barrel of meal wasted not, neither did the cruse of oil fail according to the word of the Lord, which he spake by Elijah".

It never said that one day her barrel of meal was full and her oil cruse overflowing and she never had to worry about being hungry again--she merely had sufficient for the day. She had to have faith every morning that when she put her hand in that meal barrel-- there would be enough-- as was promised her.

And that is the story of my life currently. While I want to have everything restored, in a sense, to the point of overflowing it was just a few short weeks ago--it is just not what is meant to be for me at this time. For now, I have to have faith that there will be enough of whatever I need to feed myself and my children for the day. Sufficient stamina, patience, forgiveness, peace, happiness, ability. Sufficient for the trials, large and small, that continue to come. Sufficient to recognize the many blessings that are still mine.

Most joyful of all is that I know that one day the Lord will send fullness into my life again, the same way he finally sent rain to the earth of Zarephath again. Things simply cannot stay this difficult forever when I and so many others are praying with such faith for them to pass eventually. And until that blessed time, I feel my faith can sustain me for "many days" as it did the widow, her son, and God's prophet. I know it can because I am doing things in the order I'm suppose to. As my father in law once told me: "the scriptures tell us 'and it came to pass', not 'and it came and stayed and stayed and stayed.....'. " Makes me smile :). I am certain it is true. (and in case you're interested, the story of Elijah and the widow is found in 1 Kings 17:1-16)

So grateful for answers I find...... and a happy place to share them.

Wishing you all sufficient for your day as well.