nuggets of joy

doodle from here: http://www.parkerjacobs.blogspot.com/

I love that term: Nugget of Joy.  I've used it before. I like that it makes me think of something you find after you separate it from a bunch of  dirt and junk and polish it off. Something rare and of value. I like to think of carrying it around in my pocket. Yeah, sometimes I even think of it more like chicken that I dip in Thai Chili sauce. But that's usually just when I'm really hungry.

Anywhoo, one of my bestest friends, Elena, left me the kindest comment ever on my post before last. Hopefully she doesn't mind me sharing:

I think you just tell them the truth. That finding the right fit for your family, and your family for the right guy takes time and testing. And in the process you'll get the opportunity to love and know lots of good people. You'll get to take the good you learn from each and everyone. But you'll also experience some hurt if they aren't the right person for the family. I think you just be honest; that's always the best policy. I'm so sad that Dr. Yummy didn't work out; I know how much you truly loved this one. I keep praying for you. Have done so ever since that awful phone call a few years back. Just know that there are so many people praying for you and asking for the powers of God to hold you up. I don't know why some people are asked to shoulder harder burdens than others. It isn't fair. And I know it feels like God has abandoned you and like the powers of Heaven may even be working against you. But that is Satan feeding you his great lies. Look at all the good you have amidst the bad. (And I know you do this already.) Great, darling boys; a home that you are still in for the time being; you are in the best shape since I've known you; your heart is going strong allowing you to shoulder all you have to do; the amount of work you are able to accomplish on the small amounts of sleep you are getting; the miracles are there. They may feel small in comparison to the heart ache, but they are they regardless. God loves you, and we love you. And that is the sermon according to Elena. :)




 Elena was the one who first got me into blogging a million years ago. We've been friends since the early 90's college days when Brad and her now husband were roommates. She knew me when I had nine piercings. I knew her when she drove a blue Geo Metro with blue hubcaps. And we love each other anyway :) She knows me...really knows me, and so I take her words of advice and comfort very seriously.

Her comment made me stop, take a breath, and reflect (again) on all the good things about myself and my life. The little miracles I get almost daily. And yeah, I've done posts similar to this before, but how refreshing it is to have a list of good things in the middle of a roller coaster of trials. So, here are my NUGGETS OF JOY:

*Somehow, for the last 3 1/2 years, I have subsisted on no more than 5 hours of sleep a night. And that's on a good night. Last semester, when I was so insanely busy, I could function fairly coherently on 3. Even though I get tired, I can manage to push through it. Maybe that's not a big deal, but it sure seems like a miracle to me to have the luxury of  squeezing a few more hours out of each day.


*I finished school, as a single mother of four, at age 35. I graduated with honors. I am now looking towards grad school in the form of an MFA program. I am smart. And I was even accepted not only by my professors, many of whom were in my age range, but by all those 20-somethings I went to classes with.

*Despite having a heart condition, I am in the best shape of my life. I dance, I do step aerobics, I bike, I hike, I run, I kickbox, I lift weights. Twice last week, I ran UP A MOUNTAIN, then ran back down it again (then, one of those times, realized in my exuberant downhill running, my phone had fallen out of my pocket and I had to hike half way back up the mountain until I found it and then come down again...but that time I walked :) ). It was 7 miles of intense cardio. AND not too long ago, during a powered jab-cross-hook-hook combo in kickboxing class, I split the seams on the bag. That, in my mind, is the equivalent to killing a man with my bare hands. A very, very bad man.  And so what if I was just diagnosed with a stress fracture?  I'm going to ignore that for the time being admire my abs a little more ;)

*My boys are well-adjusted, charming, talented, and intelligent.  Not that they aren't loud like kids can be, or sullen from time to time, or able to make it through an entire day without having an argument of some kind, plus they can't hit the toilet to save their lives....but they're good, they're resilient. They love God and life and  the people around them. We have sooper-dooper adventures together. They'll dance silly with me and let me dress them up. They are my heart.


*I have fabulous hair! Frequently people stop to ask me what color of red I use because it's too red to be believable but not Rhianna crayon red either. It's *superhero red*.  Which is better than the gray it would be if I let it grow out. (the answer, by the way, is Natural Instincts Medium Auburn washed only with sulphate-free shampoo and glazed with John Friedman product daily to keep it shiny... :) ).

*There are lots of leaves to crunch right now. And I will go out of my way to step on every one.

*I am on the cusp of some really amazing opportunities as a writer and poet. I feel like I've honed my craft just about enough to start on that piece that's going to make the break through to publishing for me. I have a great support system of talented local writers/poets to draw on (Alan Heathcock, Anthony Doerr, Mitch Wieland, Brady Udall, Janet Holmes, J. Reuben Appelman) as well as some great friends who are at the same stage as I am in their writing. Pretty sure in the next 10 years, we'll be taking over as the local mentors for younger writers. That's cool.

*Pumpkin pie exists

*I own 7 pairs of fabulous boots, all bought over the last three years at least 1/2 price.

*When I lay my head down on my pillow at night, no matter how many worries or troubles might be crowding around in it, there is an overall feeling of contentment. A re-assurement I've lived that day void of offense toward God or man. Lived it to the fullest.

Yup.

All Good.
Now go find your own nuggets of joy :)