I cried. Not just becuase it was a sweet thing for him to do, but becuase he knew what they meant to me.
Not quite 4 years ago, Liam (my 3rd son) was a newborn, just days home from the hospital. I was in that hormonally-deranged, sleep-deprived, frantic state of a new mother trying to find some sense of routine in her life again. I have found I hit that stage with each of my babies, and I know that I'll either get through it and embrace the change of having one more tiny one to love; or I'll get overwhelmed by it all and end up slipping into a post-partum depression. I managed to do just fine with my first two, but I remember really struggling with the this one. Trying to get baby Liam ready for his doctor appointment and he's screaming because I didn't get him thoroughly burped, he then projectile vomits all over himself and the clothes I've already changed twice. One of my older boys is crying that we'll miss going to the library that afternoon, and the other is crying that his ear hurts. Caillou is turned up to some insanely high volume in the other room. I'm working on 3 hours of sleep. I haven't showered in 2 days. My head feels like it's going to split open. And I lose it. I start screaming "EVERYONE JUST BE QUIET AND LEAVE MOMMY ALONE!". I'm sure I said some other not so sane things too. And I know there were a lot of tears.
About then, my doorbell rings, followed by a cheerful knock--- and I know it's my Mom. She'd been coming over every morning for the past several days and staying as long as I needed her. She always had a craft or toy for Zane and Ethan, and ingredients to make dinner. All happy and clean and full of new energy, she'd send me to bed right away, change the baby, and put away all my dishes in the exact places they went---the way only a mom can. On this day she happened to have a big pot of Easter Lillies for me.
Somehow, I got through that day.
The next morning I woke up and tried to decide how I felt. Was I up to the challenge? Would I spend another day or week or month feeling overwhelmed? I carried baby Liam out to our living room and the smell of the Easter Lillies engulfed me. It was the most beautiful scent I've ever smelled. Something about that smell, and the tiny new baby cradled in my arms-- I knew I was going to be just fine. And I was. And the smell of Easter Lillies now always represents hope to me, and the love of a mom who was always there to save the day.
Mom passed away of cancer just barely two years ago. It was just weeks before my 4th son was born. Somehow I got through those first few crazy weeks with my new baby James, but I would be a liar if I said it was, or has ever been, as easy without Mom. Now, when I get to those points when I wonder if I can handle all that is being placed in my lap--I want so badly for my mom's fresh strength and happy face and cheerful knock to come and help me. And she does, in a way--just a different way.
I share this story with you so that maybe you'll call or hug your good mama today and tell her how much she means to you. And if you're mom is an angel like mine, then I hope you'll think on her and have a little cry and know that you're not alone.
And to bring this story full circle--thanks for remembering Brad. The house smells wonderful. I love you.
17 comments:
Isn't it great the way scents can remind us of something, or take us to a different place.
I am blessed to have a wonderful mum and mother-in-law, who have been a great support to me through the whole process of rearing children.
What a great husband to remember.
I think of you often Jennifer and wonder what it like to live life without your mom. My mom isn't close enough to just pop over, but she ALWAYS has many words of encouragement on the other end of the line. And when I don't want encouragement she says what her mom said "this too shall pass."
You wrote that post so well. I know all of us mothers could put ourselves in your shoes at one time or another. And the Lilly....I think I'd better go buy one today. I don't usually, but after that I need to smell it. It won't have the same memory for me, but I will think of you and smell hope. Thanks for writing that.
You will me a wonderful MIL someday!
I'm wiping away tears right now for you. I so wish you had your sweet mum with you, too. She sounds like she was a wonderful lady who knew just what needed to be done to help you and raise your spirits. How hard it must have been for you to go through such a loss and then deliver your son...
Happy Easter to you and your family of boys. Your husband sounds like a treasure, and I hope the scent of the lilies continues to connect you with your mum. I am taking your advice and heading off to call my mum. She lives to far away to visit very often, but I know I am blessed to have her with me when I can.
Love,
Linda
Sheesh, thanks for making me cry! (In a good way.) I'll never forget seeing you and your mom in front of some store. You were in her mini-van and she was toting you around helping you with errands right after you had Ethan (I think). We all thought her mini-van was the poshest car around. I know she was of great help to you always and I am glad you have beautiful ways to remember her.
Maybe your mom and my mom are smelling the Easter lillies together in heaven this Easter. :)
What a touching story. My mom is also there when I need her and often take her for granted. She had a bit of a health scare recently that turned out to be okay, but I couldn't help asking, "What if?" It definitely opened my eyes and made me realize how lucky I am to have her. Thanks for sharing your story.
I just posted about my mom too! She just came to visit me today, and I am so excited that she's here. I know the agony of losing a parent, although it was my dad. I know how tough that is. I am thinking of you today.
Sissy,
My dad was killed in an auto accident when I was 4, so if you ever need someone to talk and or understand about then, I'm here.
So glad you're enjoying time with your Mom. I bet you've been a great comfort to her.
Wow JP, that was a precious post to read. Especially since I am about to birth another baby this Friday. My mom is not near as helpful as yours was, but I am still blessed to have her.
Jennifer, that was by far my most favorite post of yours. I know you'd mentioned previously that you were without both parents, and I remember thinking at the time that you were awfully young to have lost them both. For that I am so sorry. You have been blessed with a beautiful family that lives on as your parents' legacy, and you have what seems to be a rock star husband. That is the Lord blessing you through that loss. So bittersweet. I hope you continue to enjoy those lilies for the weeks to come and have a wonderful Easter. I'm glad to "know" you!
You're mom sounds like a wonderful woman. My late MIL rescued me when I had my first child and had to go back to work. I've thought of her often this last week.
My own mom doesn’t have that caretaker instinct like yours but I've grown to appreciate her other qualities after many years of wanting a mother who resembles the description of yours.
Thanks for sharing your stories of the lilies.
Thank you all for your sweet comments and support. I still love my life--"orphaned" and all. I just hope one day I can be of as much service to my sons and their wives one day.
I so appreciate the story you have shared about your mom! Growing up Easter was never a really big celebration at our house...we did have a nice dinner and egg hunt, but it was just our little family and today is Easter and for some reason I am missing my mom. She lives in Seattle - I'm in Tucson: not that far, but far enough! She gave me a charm bracelet when I was a teen and I haven't worn it in years but today I polished it and wore it proudly so she could be close to me.
Your story hit home today!
-cori
That is soooooo sweet and what a special post and memory :)
Of course I am crying from that post!!! I am so sorry you lost your precious mom, as I was reading it I was thinking of my own mom that I just lost 4 months ago:( Your mom sounded alot like mine, just coming in and making it all better is what they do best isnt' it. This is the first year I had no mom at Easter, no mom at Christmas, no mom everyday and it hurts so. Your Easter Lilly really made me smile, Hopefully I will get to that point, enjoy your sweet memories
deezie
what a seriously beautiful post! i'm sorry that your mom is no longer with you, that just made me tear up b/c mom's are just so helpful at those times, ready with the steady hands (and nerves) and know just what you (thier daughter needs)....my hugs are reaching out to you.
and what a swell husband to have brought you some this spring....sigh.
I talk to my Mom almost everyday. I feel like I would fall to pieces if I lost her...are we ever ready to lost our parents??
The smell of Jergens lotion (cherry scented) always reminds me of her.
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