pride

I don't really have anything especially interesting to say, but I see that you are all still checking back in diligently, so I thought I'd give you something else to read!



I have found that during this most trying time, I have had so much of my dignity stripped away. It's hard to not feel ashamed of my life. It's hard to hold my head up. It's hard to look people in the eyes. I feel that some are judging me constantly, and even punishing me for sins I didn't commit. That makes it hard to tell people what I'm going through-- though I usually do because I'd rather they hear it from me instead of through that pesky, truth-bending grapevine.

Even though I know deep down I'm not a failure, it sure is difficult not to feel that way. I guess what I've learned about myself over the past few days is that the speck of dignity I do have left could so easily be fueled by that feeling of having failed despite my best attempts--and could totally ignite into all out, don't- counsel- me- anymore, I -can -do- this -by -myself- so- leave- me- alone pride. While dignity and self-respect are good traits to have, I don't even want to go down the prideful road. I've sadly seen in others what lies at the end of it. There are far too many things going on right now that I could so quickly take offense at--- which I'm sure would lead to anger and resentment and closing off my heart and ultimately being left to struggle alone with my own feeble strength. So, feeling that way, but not sure what to do about it-- I was pleasantly surprised to come across something of great worth on Shannon's blog earlier today. Remember Chris Sligh from last season of American Idol? (He was the one that looked like Jack Osbourne? Or Sideshow Bob from The Simpsons?). Anyhow, he has apparently entered the Christian music arena and has a new song out that talks about-- guess what?......pride. And how to get over it. I listened to some Christian rock in high school and enjoyed it, but haven't listened to anyone but Skillet in that genre' for a long time. I may have to start listening again. It's kind of nice to "rock out"....... and be inspired at the same time.



I put the song up on my music player (turn it up ladies :)!), and here are the words if you want to sing along:



I've had just enough of the spotlight when it burns bright

To see how it gets in the blood.

And I've tasted my share of the sweet life and the wild ride

And found a little is not quite enough.

I know how I can stray

And how fast my heart could change.



Empty me of the selfishness inside

Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride

And any foolish thing my heart holds to

Lord empty me of me so I can be filled with you.



I've seen just enough of the quick buys of the best lies

To know how prodigals can be drawn away.

I know how I can stray

And how fast my heart could change.



Empty me of the selfishness inside

Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride

And any foolish thing my heart holds to

Lord empty me of me so I can be filled with you.



Cause everything is a lesser thing

Compared to you, compared to you.

Cause everything is a lesser thing

Compared to you so why surrender all?



Empty me of the selfishness inside

Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride

Empty me of the selfishness inside

Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride

And any foolish thing my heart holds to

Lord empty me of me so I can be

Lord empty me of me so I can be filled with you.

Oh, filled with you.

Empty me.



Thanks again you wonderful, wonderful women. I am so humbled and so grateful for your continuing prayers and good wishes. You have made me feel soooooo special--and I really needed that. Now......... everyone go enjoy your weekend!