Those were kind of MINE guys.....but I guess if it's not hidden in my dresser, it's fair game, right?!****************
At the end of the day when I empty my pants pockets, they're always full of stuff like this:
Little boy "treasures" dumped here and there in the carpeting throughout the day. I'm too lazy to take it to the garbage can or put it away right then, so I just stick it all in my pocket. (and yes--that is a PINK binky. My youngest son is not above using binkies abandoned here by his girl cousin....)
*******************************
Finally, a few late nights ago I was simply TOO exhausted to pick up the family room which had been left in this condition:
So I decided to try a little experiment: I thought for sure my children would wake up and-- being accustomed to always having things neat and tidy every morning-- make an effort to pick up just a bit. So I just closed the door and went to bed. Here's what I found at 7 am:
It does appear that they at least moved things around a little....
I'm just happy I can laugh at all this because I'm certain that if I couldn't, I would turn into one of those weepy, crazy mothers living in the family tree house holding a "MOM ON STRIKE" sign and waiting for the news station to come and do a story about me and my ungrateful offspring......
and now a little serious:
It seems I have become quite the sounding board for people I know, and people I don't so much know, experiencing problems in their marriages. I'm happy to help when I can--what else is experience gained good for if not to be able to reach out to others in similar circumstances---but I do have to keep reminding everyone that I'm not even quite 3 months into this separation/ divorce stuff and I NEVER saw it coming so it's hard for me to give much advice on the "we've been struggling for years" part. However, the friend I talked with today wanted to know what I've told my children to make this whole thing a little easier for them.
I couldn't offer any magic words. I don't think there are any.
I could only tell about the attitude I was holding onto concerning them. It is so terrifying for me to think about the future right now and the way all this mess might effect my precious children. I feel simply helpless to stop any of it. But luckily "it" doesn't have to happen. I'm taking full advantage of TODAY and focusing all my attention on the here and now. It doesn't mean that I'm doing everything perfectly, but the present is the only place I feel I have any power. I give lots of hugs and lots of praise and talk with them even when it seems they're "fine"--because they're usually not. Most of all I try and keep in mind that they haven't somehow been "ruined". Is the deck stacked a little more against them now than it was before? You bet. I wish, oh! how I WISH things could be better for them. But, at the same time, I know things could be a lot worse too...
Brad grew up in a wonderful home with two amazing parents and six siblings who all doted on him. He was financially, emotionally, and spiritually more than well provided for. I, on the other hand, grew up in a widowed home in a latch-key situation where order and stability were just about unheard of. And yet here I am now---firm in my faith, strong in my convictions, determined to continue forth and with every fiber of my being fight to make a good and peaceful life for my kiddos. And my husband--coming from his "ideal" situation-- is just lost and more lost. My boys will have their own struggles--all kids, no matter where they come from, do--and I'm sure dealing with divorced parents is going to be a BIG one for them. But I know they are strong enough little spirits to come out on the other side triumphant-- with some inspired guidance, a bunch of faith, and a lot of love. And THAT I KNOW I can give them.
(and now I have to laugh a little because that was pretty serious stuff to be reading while listening to "Beat on the Brat", wasn't it :)?!)............
Hoping you go make the best of your today!
***Footnote, Thursday 12:51 pm----what often seems HILARIOUS to me at 1 or 2 am when I'm writing these posts, seems not quite as funny when the sobering light of day hits. So I just want to CLARIFY that I do NOT think my children are brats or want to beat on them with a baseball bat or anything else for that matter.... Our taste in music around here runs the gamut from The Ramones to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir--and this was just a song that both my kids and I find hilarious. That's why it's up. No underlying message. Please don't call CPS on me :).
19 comments:
With the attitude you have about the whole situation, your boys will turn out just fine :)
Blessings!
Mrs. Q
I've been thinking about you a lot and my heart truly hurts over the dark path you are traversing on right now.
That said, I have hope.
I may be one of the only ones who would tell you to keep believing for restoration, reconciliation, but I don't care, I will still say it. Obviously I do not know all the particulars, but I do firmly believe that no relationship is beyond repair in the arms of the loving Father.
I could tell you of my own relationship struggles and triumphs, but would rather do that through a personal email (do you have one listed on your page that I'm missing?!) and maybe your at the place where you've had enough advice, etc. I'm really not trying to give you that, but just wanting you to know that even if you can't hope for yourself, I will hope for you in my prayers.
I thought of this verse for you tonight:
"You will keep him in perfect peace,
Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You."
~Isaiah 26:3~
Peace upon you this night, beloved.
~christa jean
It looks like Mom is exhausted at you house. (Either that or turning into Elena.) :) Come visit!!! You guys should come play with us for the 4th.
Jennifer you have always been one the most loving moms I've ever known. Being divorced is certainly not going to change that. Your sweet boys are wonderful kids and I know that they will make it through this with flying colors.
I agree with Mrs. Querido.
You seem to have a great positive attitude and look on whatever life will throw at you (and thats a compliment!) =) I think your kids will turn out fine and be able to be strong individuals
My mother's mother (my grandma) was also a single mom. But my mom still came out to be a wonderful and strong person...plus a great mother! And her siblings (my aunts and uncles) are truly great people also =)
Your pictures remind me of how our basement would look when my siblings and I were just little (except we were actually much messier). We always made a mess with all the toy guns and barbies. Then when my mum told me to clean it up, I would just throw everything under the couch or bed!
I agree. Attitude is *everything.* And dealing with that "everything" with a sense of humor is important as well.
You are sooo cute! I liked your update...because, yea, we were all gonna be calling CPS for sure on ya! Your boys are so lucky to have you...that's what I have to say! Well, I'm sad I can't take the time to post a really helpful comment...like I could anyway? But, my kids have decided to have a little argument and I have to go be Mommy! Life...man, doncha hate it when it gets in the way of bloggin?! You are SUPER!!! Plain and simple and seems like keeping it all together---for everyone, which must be ridiculously hard for YOU!
Ok...so simple enough argument to solve...it's pretty easy when you realize you were being naughty to your brother...UUGGHH! Anyway, my earth-shattering advice was going to be this...I come from a divorced family and seem to have turned out just fine...my head is probably screwed on a lot better than some anyway! Yes, I am affected by it in some ways, but for the most part...I am a much stronger person for it! So, hope that helps a little :)
♡ My kids would rather step on, around or kick whatever is in their way than to actually pick it up! ERRR! :)
I can't seem to pick up after myself sometimes, so I wonder how I will be as a mom? I may have the messiest house on the block, but I am happy in my mess.
Here is a random, weird idea I read about awhile ago. A couple divorced and instead of shuttling the kids back and forth between houses, they bopped back and forth. They rented an apartment and switched off at the house. While mom was at the house with the kids, dad was at the apt. Then dad would stay with the kids at the house and mom would go to the apt. Strange, but they said it worked for them because the kids were always with their stuff and felt more stable. The mom said she thought it was more fair that the adults did the moving around, since it was their choice to separate. I thought it was an interesting approach to a situation that isn't easy any way you look at it.
That being said, I know you and Brad will do a great job with the boys, even now that you aren't together. They will be just fine.
Wow, Sissy's idea is one I've never heard before! Would you consider doing something like that? That would be pretty tricky.
I can tell you that I am absolutely positive that your kids are going to turn out just fine! They are way too gifted and good for it to be otherwise.
And if you are worried about that mess you pictured there, then you are NEVER welcome at my house without at least an hour notice!
thank you for being REAL about your situation, i wish i knew more....you seem like such a fun person it makes me want to know all...lol anyway, i think you are doing a FINE job with your boys, raiseing two is certianly not easy i know that for sure!!! Ill be prayin with ya!!!
Well I for sure won't hold anything against ya! :) I can relate to being exhuasted and all you see is one mess after another. I only have two boys in my life right now...and one of them is supposed to be responsible for cleaning up after himself--usually it's me that does it though.
I wanted to tell you that you MUST be a wonderful mother because your boys are so well-behaved. I distinctly remember one sunday your family was sitting in front of us and right before sacrament I heard one of your lean over to other and say: "Remember to think of your faovrite Jesus story." It was so precious and just thought....how DOES she do it with all those boys?!?!
Mad props to ya!
Focusing on today and leaving the rest in the hands of THE ONE guiding you through this is, is all that you can do. And, you are doing it beautifully. I've told you this before, and I'll say it again, I truly admire your grace through this whole thing, Jennifer. That is why people are coming to you asking for advice even though this is still fresh.
I love this post, Jennifer. Because it is how real life goes. Funny. Messy. Serious. Terrifying.
It reminds me of the stuff from your pocket that you laid on the stove and snapped a photo of: there is a mix of things in there for sure. The treasured pink paci is right there with the gum wrapper and the kernel of corn. But its all mixed together and doesn't always make sense.
Thank you again for the honest peek into your days.
God bless you for your attitude and your willingness to be open. This will help people more in the long run than any "magic" words.
Your boys are blessed to have you as a mom. You and they will be alright. God is faithful.
Lisa Q
lifewiththequeens.blogspot.com
Girl, those boys hit the jackpot with a mom like you.
Amazing how in a way, your own childhood has somewhat prepared you for your present. You've got guts, moxy, heart and I know those boys and you are going to be just fine.
Allowing your children to 'rise to the occasion' no matter what the occasion is, or how bad it seems, is a fine exercise in life. Because the people who make it - who aren't permanently sucked under and lost - are those who can indeed rise to the occasion. No better time to start than the present.
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