friday fotos--what makes me smile

Days seem to be blurring into one another--all anxiously anticipating Spring. Despite having those things I needed to write through this week, daily life has been happily uneventful. Here's what we've been up to.....



Loved this picture of Zane and James. They look so much alike to me!....


While in California, Haute Cakes and I visited a farmer's market. We looked at the flowers and I pointed out that lilies were my favorite. A couple days after my return home, he sent me these. Am I lucky or what? :)

Funny random picture of James playing the piano in gag glasses:

I've graduated from making leek papyrus in class to making actual paper! From left to right are my handmade hemp paper, 100% cotton paper, and paper made from pulverized denim. Pretty, no?

Hopefully our last snow of the year.....

Seeing as how it's 2:19 am, that's about the extent of *interesting dialogue* I can churn out for tonight....

Let's just end on

~Happy Weekending!~

bittersweet celebrations- part III

Saturday we had a really nice 53 degree day. I took all the boys to the park. It felt like more of a jacket day than a coat day. I pulled out my brown leather jacket that matched with the boots I was wearing. I hadn't wore that jacket in a while.... almost a year to be exact.

As the kids were running and playing, I started to examine the things in my pocket. The things in the picture above. These scraps represent the last days of my marriage and my life as I knew it.

*The receipt from the Pizza Hut where we all went out to eat after spending the morning at the office with Brad.

*The check out slip from the library when I was still homeschooling the older boys. We use to go every week and check out all kinds of books and Bill Nye the Science Guy DVD's. I don't think we've been to the library in months now.

*The ticket from the last movie Brad and I went to see together. It was Spiderwick. I remember trying to hold Brad's hand in the movie. We always held hands in the movies. He felt so far away. I think I knew in my heart what was going to happen, but I didn't want it to. I didn't want him to leave. I don't remember why or what for, but I remember he yelled at me in the car on the drive home. At that point, I could have counted on one hand all the times he had ever raised his voice to me in 13 years--so that stuck out. I never want to see that movie again.

*A paper with the date and time I had written down for a luncheon in April that we never got to attend. Another paper with the name of a doctor I needed to go see for tests.

All that seems like a million years-- and just a few days ago-- at the same time.

I've come a long way in the last year.

Most mornings I don't wake up needing to remind myself just how much has changed--why I am alone or why I feel so tired or why I have to get the kids off to school. I just live my life as it now. Some mornings, yes--I still need reminding. Those mornings are hard.

I say this in all sincerity: Life is really good for me. I am so, SO thankful for that. I didn't think I would live through the emotional and physical pain of January through April of last year---but I did. And I still have hope. I have plans. I have a life. I have faith in myself being made able through Christ. I have my sweet children. Things don't seem as innocent as they once were, of course. I will forever have to live knowing the depth of pain one person is able to inflict on another when they did nothing to deserve it. I live knowing the sting of loss and the feelings of loneliness. The frustration of limitations. But hope and faith and gratitude are these amazing attributes that helped me to carry all of it then, and continue to help me carry all of it now. I feel endowed daily with more patience and ability than I could ever produce on my own. I still struggle. I still have problems I need to work on and work through. I still have days when I would rather just pull the covers over my head in bed and cry. But I get up any way, and get to work--knowing that I am not alone in my struggles nor unique in my trials.

I don't like to ponder on what more I might be asked to endure in mortality. I would like to think I've paid my dues and that the rest of my life will be bright and sunny. But the most amazing thing I've learned through the trials of these past years is that, even if it isn't---*I* can still make my own sunshine. There will always be something to be grateful for and to look forward to. Sometimes it might be as simple as the ability to stand, or a certain smell, or a particular shade of blue I see, or a memory that makes me laugh---but there will ALWAYS be something. Heck!--if nothing else, I can be grateful that I'll get to leave this life eventually!

I wish everyone could know this. That there is always hope. That answers do come eventually. I hope that, if you need it to, this knowledge will settle over you and permeate every inch of your heart. You are not alone.

It's true.

and that's all I've got to say about all that.

Thank you so much for listening.

*What was something you learned about yourself in the last 12 months?*

bittersweet celebrations- part II

Another bittersweet celebration looming: February 26th marks the 3 year anniversary of my mom's death. Though I prefer to celebrate her life on her birthday--or just any day when something reminds me of her--my siblings like to gather together on Feb. 26 at Mom's favorite restaurant and remember her. So, I go along with it.

I feel stupid even talking about being in any kind of pain in that last post of mine, because--for as intense as that was for me--I know it was NOTHING like what I saw my Mom endure in that horrific 6 weeks from the time of her diagnosis until her death.

Because hers was a small cell cancer that popped up everywhere, she had to endure so many procedures just to get her "patched up" enough to leave the hospital and go home to die. She had one of her lungs glued shut. She had all kinds of needles and shunts poked in her. She had radiation treatment that blinded her in one eye. She was in a rapid cycle of hot and cold and sick and hungry and not hungry and unable to sleep and knocked out. And through it all---she kept laughing. She kept welcoming visitors. She never felt sorry for herself. She kept us all calm and comforted.

I remember just sitting by her in her hospital room one day. I had brought her my velcro rollers so she could do her hair. She had them in. I was reading to her. All of a sudden she just said: "I'm not afraid baby girl. I'm not afraid. I feel the other side like butterfly wings on my cheek. I hear whisperings of your dad, and my mom, and my grandparents. I am so excited to see them all again!". I was 5 months pregnant at the time and asked her to take care of my baby for me till he got to the world. She promised to. We cried together and I just hugged her and hugged her. From that time on, I stopped praying for her to be cured---just to let the Lord's will come to pass. I wasn't afraid anymore because she wasn't.

Could I have done what she did? Could I have kept that kind of attitude?

I don't know.

I don't think so.

She was one in a million.

But what an amazing, empowering thing to know that some of her courage and tenacity runs through my veins. ---That I am my mother's daughter. ----

*So, tell me what you love most about your Mom.*

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Just one more installment of this bittersweet stuff---then I promise I'll write nothing but funny stuff next week! These are just memories I'm glad I'm committing to something other than the corners of my mind!

bittersweet celebrations- part I

I've never been one to hide from my emotions, but there really are times I want to just crawl out of my skin and run away from my life. To run free through a time when things seemed much simpler, much more clear. I'm guessing it would be very meadow like, and there would be a flowing white dress and wildflowers involved... and no gray hair.

These next few months, and especially this next week, will be filled with a lot of bittersweet memories for me. Anniversaries to pass. Things I need to write through. Blessings I need to remind myself of.

Valentine's Day marked one of those bittersweet anniversaries for me. Last February 14 was the day I got "sick". I remember being at dinner with Brad and beginning to run a fever--the first fever I'd had since childhood. That fever would continue, as high as 105 degrees at some points, for the next 35 days. One day, when just Zane and Ethan were home with me (Brad was out on a drive) my fever spiked to the point I began to hallucinate. I thought there was a flood coming and I needed to "save the papers" (as I kept repeating over and over). Zane was scared and called our neighbors to help. I had fallen asleep with multiple layers of clothing on, numerous blankets, and a heating pad. Who knows what would have happened had my sweet boy not acted so quickly.

Then came the aches. Just the backs of my legs at first, but quickly settling into every muscle and joint in my body. I couldn't close my hands. I couldn't open my mouth. I couldn't even roll over in bed. All the skin peeled off my hands and feet. The roof of my mouth lost all the ridges on it. I was chronically dehydrated. I kept going to the Emergency Room and begging them to help me, and they kept telling me it was just the flu and to let it run its course. They would give me fluids, dope me up on all kinds of narcotics, and send me home. I would sleep for a few hours, but once the drugs wore off-- I would be shaking with shock at the intensity of the pain as it returned.

During some of my more drugged up times, I tried to blog about how I was feeling---but I was so frightened that I might never get better, I never really went into much detail about what I was dealing with.

Finally a good doctor was able to make the diagnosis---Rheumatic Fever. I was put on the correct anti-inflammatory medicine and got steadily better.

It seemed such an unlikely diagnosis because people my age do not usually a.) get Rheumatic Fever and b.) if they do---do not live through it. Bobby Darrin died of Rheumatic Fever. So did Mozart. That did not make me feel better.

Anyhow, this week I celebrate the fact that I DID live through it. That I now have a standard of pain to judge anything else that may afflict me against. A backache, a cut, a bruise, a headache----nothing anymore. I feel like a survivor.

The bittersweet part comes with the permanent heart damage I suffered as a result of the sickness. I now have Mitral Valve Stenosis---a bad heart murmur. I was told that there would be limitations to what I could do, but not many. Just to live my life and stop when it felt like I was getting tired. I have certainly come up against those limitations---times it felt like my heart was working so hard inside me that it was going to explode. I've had a lot of palpitations and cramping. It was not easy, because of my condition, to find insurance after mine was canceled in the divorce. And--though I've known this for some time--this is the first time that I've blogged about it: my doctor told me not to have any more children. Not that as a single, 33 year old woman I'm thinking a lot about babies right now---but it was still a hard diagnosis to receive. I don't like to be limited.

This is the place where I would normally leave you on an optimistic note--and mean it too--but there's more to get out. Tomorrow.

~Anything you lived through that you didn't think you would?~

when it all starts to hit a little too close to home

I remember selling our house about 2 1/2 years ago: In our first meeting with the realtor, he asked us if we had heard about the "turn" in the housing market. We hadn't. Homes had been snatched up within hours of being put on the market the summer before. It took us 63 days to sell ours, but we did. Got what we thought to be a good deal on the house we bought too---$19,000 under appraised value. Not that the resale value mattered much to me because I never saw myself leaving here.

Fast forward to this fall, and friends of mine started to lose their jobs and/or take voluntary lay-offs and pay cuts. Other friends were scrambling to find second jobs doing things they never would have normally (pretty hard to get hired on as a pizza delivery man right now because of all those second job guys). Still others started to feel a definite, sustained slump in the businesses they owned. Lots of shops in my neighborhood--coffee shops, cafes, and cell phone dealers mostly--went out of business. Bigger ones too---car dealerships, Mervyns, Circuit City. The tension in our area grew as a few of the major employers talked about moving more and more of their work overseas. So, so many of my friends trying to get out of their homes right now---trying to get a fresh start somewhere else, trying to pay off debt----and unable to.

And then the foreclosures started.

Do you know every time one happens within a few miles of you--it effects your home price? Do you know that my city--and maybe yours-- currently has a 7 year supply of homes on the market? Do you know you can pick up a million dollar home around here at auction for about $475,000?

Finally it came full circle---

Some of us may or may not like the option of moving on at some point, and may have found out that not only can they not make any money on their home, they can only get back maybe HALF of the hard-earned money they put down in the first place?

Is it just me, or does there not seem to be this aura of fear just hovering over our country right now? Personally, I am in love with my budget and working it like nobody's business. I don't like the feeling of my money getting away from me. But little things come up, and add up, that eat away at my savings----tuition, microwave repairmen, plumbers, mice exterminators.... I try not to personally contribute to the **scary vibe** going around, but I do hate the feeling of wondering how long? How long till things turn for the better? How long can I hold on providing for my boys and their future expenses? If this economy does turn into the next Great Depression, am I ready to weather the storm eating bacon lard sandwiches the way my grandparents did?

Bluck.

--I don't like it.--

Everything about it. Including the thought of bacon lard between slices of bread.

I like to joke that I'm just a typical woman....always finding something to worry about. But do any of you worry too? Has this financial situation moved just a little too close to home for your liking?

If you are struggling like me, I find myself taking a lot of comfort in the second verse of Abide with Me!. Maybe it will help you a little today too:

Swift to its close ebbs out life's little day.

Earth's joys grow dim;

it's glories pass away.

Change and decay in all around I see;

O thou who changest not,

abide with me.

~Wishing you all Peace. Patience. Inspiration. Ability.~

i remembered my camera this time!

I think it will still be Tuesday by the time I get this up.....so I'm keeping the promise I made in the last post! Flying back from California involved a lot of delays and I ended up getting home 2 hours late (almost midnight!), and then it was hit the ground running for me this morning with all kinds of errands and school projects. Good thing I had such a nice Valentine's vacation with lots of happy memories to hold me over through all the day's craziness.




Here's some vacation highlights in no particular order!....




HCMM and I enjoying milkshakes on the beach with friends. It's fun to make people do 'random pointing' in photos!:


I love just looking out and seeing something that goes so far you can't see the end of it. Keeps me humble!

Meet Billy the Chihuahua. He's now going to want all kinds of residuals for publishing this photo:

Perhaps the good citizens of California haven't heard that we are in a RECESSION?.....

It rained and rained and rained.....

More rain....

mmmmmmm......somebody looks good in the rain :)

Though my vacation wasn't really planned because of Valentine's Day, it sure was nice to have someone to spend it with!

(and don't think I forgot about my Mommy duties--the boy squad and I celebrated V.Day in style together on Thursday!)

***I wish I could say for sure just how Haute Cake's and my story is going to end--everything is certainly more complicated the second time around. But, for now, we're just really enjoying the journey together. And that's all I'm going to say about that :) .

~Happy Wednesday!~

coming to a blog near you on tuesday....

THIS blog, specifically. I will have Friday Fotos and get everyone's interview questions out to them on Tuesday. But I'm out of the blogging office this weekend. Way, way out.......
Because you didn't expect me to spend Valentines Day ALONE now did you :) ?

May you not eat your weight in candy conversation hearts this Valentines Day---or DO---whatever floats your boat! Love all of you!

lula's asking the questions

I signed up over at Lulaville about a week ago for Lula herself to interview me. I thought she was actually going to fly down here and talk to me, but.....she chose email instead. Ah well! Maybe one day you'll make it here, eh Lu? ;) .

So, if you really have nothing better to do---here's some of my *thought vomit* for your reading pleasure (eeeew! I know!--sorry but I just couldn't help myself ) :

1. If you could have a lifetime 50% discount in any single store, which store would you choose?

This was a tough one! I mean I love Ann Taylor and would wear her stuff more IF it cost about 50% less. And I could have one styling pad if I had a discount at Lee Furniture. But in the end, I went with the practical answer: Wal*Mart. Because 50% off that stuff would make it about.... free.
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2. You've been invited to the White House for dinner tonight, but you can only wear something you already own. What will you wear? How will you accessorize?

Lula informed me that she wouldn't go to the White House...and I think I'd agree with her. We'd respectfully decline, wish President Obama well, and then meet up at the Applebees down the street. Yup. That's how that would all go down. Nobody at Applebee's cares if you're accessorized or not. And I would wear my comfy pajamas, because I don't think Applebee's cares if you come in your pj's either.
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3. Share a song whose lyrics best captured an experience you've had.
The chorus to a song called "Hold On, the Light will Come" by Michael McClean comes to mind:

It's a message every one of us must learn,

that the answers never come without a fight.

And when it seems you've struggled far too long,

just hold on, hold on, there will be light.

If you feel trapped inside a never ending night.

If you've forgotten how it feels to feel the light.

And if you're half-crazy thinking you're the only one, who's afraid the light will never really come.

Just hold on.

Hold on.

The light will come.

I listened to that song almost daily during my mom's cancer battle. Then again during my divorce. Good stuff. Speak to my soul kind of stuff.

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4. If you could pump enormous amounts of money into one area of scientific research, what would it be for?

It would probably be the cure for cancer. It sure seems to have been killing an awful lot of people I love lately. One day Meg and I are going to go after Cancer. And when we find it--I'm going to push it down and stand on it's throat while she kicks the crap out of it. Yeah... and I'd do that regardless of my imaginary money finding the cure for it or not. Cancer isn't even a little bit nice. And that's all I'm going to say about that.

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5. You've been given a time machine that will only travel forward through the years to come. Where will you go? Whom will you visit?

I don't really like this question. In all honesty, the future scares me. I'm much happier planning the best I can for it by making good decisions, but staying firmly grounded in the present--the only place I feel I can make any difference for now. I guess if I had to do something, I'd go visit **old lady Jennifer P. ** and help her out for a while. Maybe cook a meal or fold some laundry, listen to her talk about the good old days. She'd appreciate that. (and I bet she's really hot for an old lady too :) ).

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If anyone hasn't taken this "challenge" yet, and would like for me to send you 5 random interview questions that I make up---let me know in the comments, leave me your email, and I promise to send you something guaranteed to make you look brilliant. Besides...It's fuuuuuun :)!

and now, since this post was all about me, I present a previously unpublished photo of me----sitting on a dog-----cuz that's what I do :).
(and to Kamee the photographer's credit--I asked to pose like this! She doesn't ask people to sit on dogs....)

~~~Thanks Lula!~~~

while tiffany is out hob-nobbing with celebrities...

I am guest blogging for her! Tiffany (a long time bloggy friend, and co-founder of SITS), runs a camp for celebrities kids. Terrible work, no :)?! Anyhow--she's getting through registration this week (which I hear often entails dealing with snippy assistants) so she trusted me enough to write a little sumpin' sumpin' for her. Go take a look... and PLEASE let me know what you think! I've been dying to address the subject I'm talking about over there for a month now! THANKS!

happy belated friday fotos!

In case there are some new readers, Friday Fotos are my way of justifying the gradual transition my blog made from being family journal-like, to being a place to put down whatever I feel like rambling about. One day a week, I actually chronicle--via photos--what we've been up to. Just makes me feel better about myself, yes it does :) .



AND...........





HERE'S WHAT WE'VE BEEN UP TO THIS WEEK!!!!



Every time I want to get rid of the hot tub--these two start using it again! I still envision this area as a deck featuring an outdoor fireplace with great dry stack stonework. But for now, I guess we'll keep the hot tub--and the smiles on these faces--around a little longer. (hey--check out the great dilapidated steps! woo hoo! They were like that when I bought the place, so it's not my fault.....except for not repairing them....:) ).






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Lookie! Lookie! See that sheet of rotting vegetable I'm holding? That would be my famous LEEK PAPYRUS....and it's SUPPOSE to look like that!!! I wrote on it with some pen just to prove that it worked, took a picture, and then threw it away because----oh my stars! Did it ever smell bad!!!

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I put Liam up on top of the fridge during a game of hide and seek. Then, from my hiding place behind the couch, I hear the following conversation: ETHAN (who is "it"): I see you Liam! LIAM: Aaaaaw! Mom said this would be a good place to hide! ETHAN: Come help me find everyone else. LIAM: You have to find Mom so she can get me down!!! I am all squishied up here! :)

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We made a tent and had fun hanging out and listening to stories on CD.

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Finally, I went to my friend's art show this weekend. He's from New York and flew in all his pieces to exhibit in a gallery here. He does cool magnetic field drawings and hand-reproduces Victorian-age medical equipment. Really amazing, unique stuff! I wanted to take pictures, but thought it might not be appreciated---the bringing of the camera into an art show that is. Plus, the lighting was terrible. So, I'll just post a small picture and direct you to his web site if you're an art connoisseur :) .
Thanks for inviting me Tina and Flint!

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Now--GO ENJOY YOUR WEEK.....OR READ MORE BLOGS.....OR DO BOTH AT THE SAME TIME :) !

hello? friday fotos? helllllloooo?

Friday Fotos will be up on Monday. I've got some things going on this weekend that I'd like to take fotos of and include.

But---let's play another game because I had SOOOO much fun naming y'all last week :) !

How about if you guys ask me one yes or no question each, and I promise to answer truthfully in the comment feed. It'll be like being back in Junior High at a slumber party and the one girl who always suggested: "Let's play Truth, Dare, Double-Dare, Promise, or Repeat". I always picked truth.....except that one time that I picked double-dare.....and had to call the Principal's home......and, well, we won't reveal anything more about that for now.... :) But I AM looking forward to what you might ask! (keep it clean though, alright? This is a PG rated blog!)

~Happy Weekending!~

the 'm' word

I am going to try and get through this post with my dignity. Without feeling dirty. Without getting too squeamish.





It's like--you know--when your richie-rich friend calls you in tears and says how her kids have come home with lice and you think, despite knowing better, "hmmm.....I thought only dirty kids got lice".





***Well, I have something I thought only dirty people got.***





m....





mmmmm......





mmmmmmmmmmm.........





mice.





eeeew. eeek. yuck. I know!!!





In all my 13 years of married life and nearly 1 of single life, I have never, ever had a mouse. I lived on a farm for 3 years backed up to a grain field for crying out loud and never had a mouse. I have lived in 2 houses bordered by empty lots. No mice. And then, a few weeks ago, I saw what looked to be burned rice under my sink.... and put two and two together pretty quickly.





A mouse....





In my house.....







A mouse pooping in my house.





This was back in mid-January and I caught the sucker the same night I set the trap. All was well. And then, the other night, the burned rice came back. And there seemed to be more of it. And I caught ANOTHER mouse. And, according to "do your own pest control. com"----if you've got 2 mice, you've probably got about 10. Oh--yeah, that website taught me lots of other fun facts about mice guaranteed to keep me up at night. Did YOU know:





*If there are good living conditions(food, water, and shelter),mice can multiply rapidly. They sexually mature in two months, producing about 8 litters in a one year life time. Each litter has 4-7 pups.





*They survive well on weeds, seeds, or insects, but when their food supply is shortened by the colder months they move inside nesting closer to a food supply. They make their nest from soft material like paper, insulation, or furniture stuffing. These nest are found in many places including: in walls, ceiling voids, storage boxes, drawers, under major appliances, or within the upholstery of furniture. Outside the nests are found in debris or in ground burrows.





*A house mouse is an excellent climber and can run up any rough vertical surface. It will run horizontally along wire cables or ropes and can jump up 13 inches from the floor onto a flat surface


*A mouse may contaminate your food supply with it's feces and urine. House mice gnaw through electrical wiring, causing fires and failure of freezers, clothes dryers and other appliances.



Doesn't that all sound DELIGHTFUL?!

So---yes---I'm admitting freely that even cleany-cleanersons like me...... can get mice.





My traps are armed. All 6 of them.





And seriously, while typing this---I just heard one go off. One mouse down. Who knows how many more to go.





Any mouse stories you wanna share so I don't feel so alone?

at what point do i go buy the shotgun?

I have always heard how protective fathers could be of their daughters---interviewing potential suitors while polishing their shotgun and the like.....but here's something I've learned about being a mom of boys---growing boys----cute boys-----mom's can be pretty darn protective too! I don't like the girl-rillas sniffing around my kiddos so young!

Back in November, I got a call from some pushy little thing named Amanda asking me why I wasn't having a birthday party for Zane because she wanted to come. Whaaaa.....? I informed her that he WAS getting together with some friends, but that we don't do boy-girl parties for 11 year olds. She huffed at me. Yup she did! I asked Zane about her and he said "yeah--she's always watching me when I play football. It bugs me." I told Zane to walk wide circles around that one.

Yesterday, I was doing laundry and removed a letter from my 9 year old Ethan's pocket. It had a pink and orange crayon-drawn heart on the front that said "My Valentine". Then I read it (yeah--privacy--whatever. When they pay their own bills they can have some! Anyway...) It begins by saying YOU ROCK! Then proceeds to some form of questionnaire which appears 'Girl X' has written for and filled out herself.

Favorite Food: Waffles and Salmon (I guess she's moved beyond the mac and cheese stage)

My Hobbies: Dance and Sing

When I Grow up I want to be: A stylist (how does a 9 year old know what the stink a stylist is?)

My favorite Color: Aqua (I guess it is important to know the various shades of blue if you want to be a stylist...)

An Interesting Fact About Me: I like to watch Myth Busters! (not having cable or satellite, I have no idea if a 9 year old should be watching this show....)

My Swimsuit: One piece (I guess I should be taking some comfort in the fact that she doesn't wear a string bikini, but why on earth is she telling my child about her swimwear?!?!)

and finally---outlined in hearts---My Crush: Ethan.

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!

I know my boys are this big now:

But in my mind they're still somewhere closer to this:

and I'm just not ready to lose them to other women yet.

Console me.....please!!!

things i will admit to doing this weekend

The boysquad spent the weekend with their dad--which meant I was alone. Sometimes strange things happen when I am alone. But, if I just ADMIT to the strange goings-on, then they can't be used against me,right?! For example....

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I may or may not have slept in till 9 am on Saturday....

I may or may not have eaten nothing but the mega-fat-butt size of Coldstone Creamery ice cream for dinner.....

I may or may not have spent an hour on YouTube watching old episodes of Inspector Gadget.....




I may or may not have been cleaning my bathroom mirror and left the glass cleaner on the counter and then, mistaking it for my hairspray, doused my hair with it......

I may or may not have sang the B-52's "Love Shack" at a karaoke party.....

I may or may not have embarked upon the 7 day journey of making a leek into papyrus....

And, finally--I may or may not have robbed a bank and looked ultra chic doing it.....

One of these things I didn't really do. I'll let you guess which one.

What was one crazy thing YOU did this weekend? :)

p.s. anyone know why my computer might have decided to start highlighting the word YOU every time I type it? I imagine my computer trying to communicate with me: "Jennifer--it's always about YOU, when do I get my moment in the sun? When can I stop playing Jan to your Marcia?" There, there little computer---we're in this together. I'll love you forever. Now please stop with the awkward highlighting...