and now it's really over

Today was the day.



The judge signed the papers.



The divorce is final.



Brad left 5 months ago, just days before I published this post. Supposedly it was going to be for just a few weeks to "sort himself out spiritually". But he never really returned. I had been purposely taking my time getting the papers filled out--- not only because moving slowly made it less stressful for me, but also in the hope that all the prayers I was offering for Brad would somehow change his mind--change him-- and make him come home. I kept wishing and wanting and trying to be worth coming back for.

Brad was so perfect for me. I loved how brown his hair was and how blue his eyes were. I loved how his smile just lit up his whole face. I loved how broad he was through his chest--he made a nice pillow. I loved the way he smelled. I loved that he called me every day just to make me laugh. I loved how he would push the shopping cart really fast through the parking lot, then jump on it and let it coast to the van. I loved that he would dance in the kitchen with me after the dishes were done. I loved that we could lock our eyes across a crowded room and, for a few moments, be the only two there. How we could talk for hours about nothing and everything, or just be content in the silence. How we held hands every time we rode in the car. He could finish all my sentences and always knew when I needed a little time to myself....or a little ice cream. I continue to think he has the potential to be the most amazing dad ever. Even after 14 years together, he could still make all my insides go pitter-patter just by being near. And though he ripped out my heart and spit on it on his way out, I still ache for the bad decisions he's made. For this crazy nothingness he's pursuing. I mourn the loss of the spiritual giant of a man I thought he was. I spent most of my young life caring for him and making him know every day how much I adored him, how he was my hero, and now to have to stand by and idly watch him "implode" --and be powerless to help-- is pure. raw. torture.

I couldn't, and can't, change anything about where I'm at right now. Though I know I will be able to stand in front of my Heavenly Father one day, look Him in the eye, and say honestly "I did everything I could"-- I just want to offer my advice to anyone who might find themselves feeling that their marriage is nearing its end. Those who are ready to just throw in the towel and give up. If there is any desire left in you, if there is even the faintest spark---fight for it. Fight, fight, fight like your life depends on it. I know that some consider themselves beneficiaries of divorce, and I'm certain there are times when it is totally necessary--but I can testify that it will be the most unimaginably painful, difficult, stressful, sad thing you will ever have to endure--that process of separating yourself from the person that use to mean the absolute most to you. Separating yourself physically, emotionally, mentally, financially and even spiritually. It feels like they're dead---but they're right there---just dead to you. Fight. For yourself, for your future, for the promise of God's healing, for your precious children. FIGHT.

*************

And now I'm going to let myself slip into my memories one last time and re-read this post that I put up on our last anniversary (Dec. 28, 2007). Then I'm going to have one more swollen-eyed, heap on the floor, two hour cry. Dwell senselessly on how good I thought it was, and how good it could have been. Try and find some part of all this mess to blame myself for. Ask a bunch of pointless "why" questions that I will probably never have answers to. And maybe even find something to break. I will try and refrain from tattooing, piercing, or bleaching any part of myself. I may, however, have a little one night stand with Ben and Jerry....

And then I promise I'll go to bed. And wake up. And kiss my children, and hold their hands, and twirl in circles with them on the grass, and make up silly songs to sing with them in the car, and cook them pancakes in funny shapes, and leave them happy notes, and laugh at every one of their jokes. And keep letting time and faith heal my wounds. And begin again--whatever that might mean for me.

God is still in charge. He has good things in store for me. I'm going to go claim them.

happy 13th anniversary to us!
OUR STORY

how we met:Once upon a time there was girl. She was attending college. She thought all men were jerks. (this would be ME). Then, at the start of winter semester, a new boy moved in across the street (this would be BRAD). I was interested right away, but so were all five of my roommates. (We all thought he had beautiful blue eyes, a great smile, and talent coming out his ears). Unfortunately, Brad also had a girlfriend back home. I thought my chances of catching his eye were slim to none. Still, we became friends. We watched movies. We listened to music. We grocery shopped. We talked. We laughed....a lot. Then, come March, he broke up with his girlfriend. Then, come April, he asked ME out. (Hooray!!!)

how I knew I was in love:Our first date was to a nature park. We went hiking with another couple. It was getting dark as we headed back to his truck--his spanking clean, nearly new Chevy Silverado truck that he washed every week faithfully. I wasn't watching where I was going and I stepped in a big mud puddle. My Doc Marten boot was covered in black, slimy mud. It was the first time I had revealed my extremely clumsy, very un-perfect side to him. Most guys I had dated up to that point would have acted very put off, and probably made me and my muddy boot ride home in the back of their pristine truck (which is why, incidentally, I had thought all men were jerks!). Brad laughed with--not at--me. He helped clean me up as much as possible and let me ride home next to him--muddy boot and all. He even bought me pizza. Sounds silly, but I knew from the "muddy boot" incident on that I was in love.

how it ended (and began):He had to propose twice. The first time he asked, I panicked. I thought I was too young. I thought I hadn't seen enough of the world. I thought I needed to establish a career first. Then I spent a few months kicking myself for saying no. I thought he'd surely move onto someone else. But he stuck around anyway.....and he asked again. And I didn't feel so young anymore. And I knew I'd seen enough of the world. And I knew there was no way I could go on in life unless it was with him. We were married for time and all eternity Dec. 28, 1994 by Brad's father. Through the ups and downs of seven homes, five jobs, four boys, and one orange cat--I think we have had a very happily ever after.So Happy 13th Anniversary to my sweetheart who:
Brings me ice cream every Saturday night.
Tells me I look beautiful even when I first wake up and my hair is all crazy. Will still be a big goof with me. Takes me on a date once a week (and doesn't he clean up nicely?!) And is the best father in the whole wide world.
I LOVE YOU! -your Jennifer
*Funny choice of music to accompany this post, I know. But I loved old re-runs of the Partridge Family in college. I bought their "Greatest Hits" CD and took it to Brad's apartment to listen to on his monster stereo. He stuck around and listened to it with me. What a keeper!
Posted by Jennifer P. at 6:34 AM
Labels: Anniversary, Brad, our life

where in the world am i?

Looking for Friday Fotos? They'll be coming on Saturday! For today---I'm a guest blogger here. Where you can go read all my REAL thoughts about blogging!

Happy Long Weekending to you :)!

things to do before i die

I heard on the radio yesterday that Dave Freeman, 47, co-author of the book 100 Things To Do Before You Die-----died. He fell and hit his head and that was it. Apparently he was only half way through his list too......

Well, it got me to thinking---I often say that I want to " live every day like it was my last", but in all honesty--I don't always do it. Too often, I spend waaaaaaay too much time worrying about a future that isn't here yet, or dwelling on a past that has already gone---when I KNOW I should happily live in the moment and make the best of it.

I'm not completely hopeless though. In addition to the never-ending adventure of being mom to 4 boys and the many, many things they teach me on a daily basis, I've been able to do some fairly exciting things: I've danced all night in a Parisian disco, been present at the royal wedding of Princess Sophie of Bavaria to the crown Prince of Liechtenstein, slept in a castle (turned youth hostel), sang along to "Daydream Believer" at a Monkees concert, read the first draft script of a famous movie, seen my poetry published, and competed in a rodeo to name a few. But there's still a lot more I would love to do before I'm too old. I'm not going to list 100 things---I really don't think I could even THINK of 100 things!---but a nice, even 20 seems do-able. Keep in mind, these are things that I want to do---not things that I want to see my kids doing (that could stretch to 100+ easily!). Now without further ado ('cause I could 'ado' all day!), I give you.............

20 THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE (in no particular order):

1. serve a mission for my church

2. go dog sledding

3. see all of England

4. run for public office (not to win, I'm too honest to win---but I think the experience would be incredible! And I would also have really pretty campaign signs :)! )

5. learn to sew

6. take a big chunk of money and spend it just doing nice, anonymous things for people I know

7. learn to bake really good bread (yeast currently holds a grudge against me for some reason....)

8. restore a great vintage British roadster--ideally a 1966 Austin-Healey Mark III 3000BJ8, black with red interior, OR if I've got some money to throw around--a 1964 Aston-
Martin DB5.

9. Buy a whole roomful of Lee furniture.

10. See Diana Krall live.

11. Own a pair of Christian Louboutin shoes or a really nice Coach handbag (but not both of them, I don't want to seem "braggy" :) ).

12. Take a poetry class from Billy Collins

13. have a soaker tub installed in my bathroom.

14. catch a really big fish

15. drive a skid steer loader or forklift (I don't know why---I've just always wanted to!)

16. get to name a paint color

17. build a treehouse for my kids

18. Write a book and/or column and/or magazine article, publish it, and hope that someone other than myself will read and/or buy it!

19. be an extra in a movie or TV show (if I could pick my part, it would be someone waiting in the pretzel line on an episode of the Office).

20. catch a firefly in a jar.

Alrighty--I'm leaving it up to you guys to hold my feet to the fire and make sure I get these done!

***And I would LOVE to read your list! Let me know when you make it!***

back from school report

Thanks everyone for being so anxious to hear how my first day went! I only had one evening class today, and so this report may not be as exciting as you'd hoped. First of all, the professor WAS either younger than or just slightly older than me. At least he claimed to be the professor. It was hard to tell since he was dressed like a homeless person. (really!---on a professor's salary you couldn't afford a tie? Or at least do the buttons up on your cuffs and maybe iron your shirt?...those last two are FREE! Note to self----never let professor read blog.....). He did seem like a knowledgeable teacher though, and he's a fan of A.R. Ammons--- so he can't be all bad! For those of you wishing a good looking guy to be in my class-----NOPE! There are only 15 of us in there, and half the men looked like they would have rather been playing dungeons and dragons. The other half looked like they may have hailed from middle-earth. (one more note to self----never let any fellow male poetry students read blog....). So there will be no "love connection" with anyone in my class :), just me and my rusty-trusty hedgehog notebook writing lots and lots of poems which you will probably be forced to read as my way to multi-task blogging with homework:

Don't you love my classy modeling job?! :)

On a related, but more sad note---the fate of my weekend Linguistics class is up in the air because of this: http://www.newwest.net/city/article/body_found_in_boise_wildfire/C108/L108/. I think just reading the title of that says it all......but my professor was the sole victim in wildfires that burned 10 homes last night. Sorry to leave you on such a gloomy note........

geniusosity

Some Monday's the Soup du Jour of Genius

is so thick and delicious that I slurp it straight from the bowl,

Let its cream drip down my chin, coat my throat, burn at my belly

It sweaters my insides and sends me back into the snow

Sedated and smiling.

But by Tuesday it it only homeless shelter stew---

mere potatoes and onions

oversalted and thinned with water.

**************

Sorry I couldn't think of anything but a poem to post. BUT I guess that's also a good thing because TODAY (Tuesday) is my first day of school and my first class is.......poetry!

The laptop I ordered hasn't arrived yet (dude! I'm getting a Dell!...), so I ventured out to Target today to get something called "paper" that apparently old people use to write on. Ever heard of it? If you want to try something really 'fun' sometime, try being a 33 year old woman shopping for back-to-school supplies for herself. It's a sea of Hannah Montana out there people! I finally found some kind of notebook with pop-art hedgehogs on it and decided it would have to be "me" enough. I also got good pens, highlighters, and a few folders-- and that's about all I remember ever needing when I was in college 9 years ago. Can I also add that for as excited as I am to be going back, I am also soooooooo nervous! Fortunately, the university I'm attending has a high percentage of students my age---but I still couldn't help looking in my closet wondering if I had anything to wear that didn't scream "I SHOP IN THE MOM DEPARTMENT AT WAL* MART!". I even wondered "should I bring a hackey sack or Frisbee or something?...." Yeah, I'm a big dork like that. I do feel so very blessed though to have gotten all the online and night classes I did. Ones that fit Brad's visitation schedule perfectly. So I still get to be Mom and a student. A "mudent" or maybe a "stom"...... o.k. I better quit while I'm ahead. I think there's only so much nothing anyone can stand to read ;)!

Wish me luck anyway. And please, oh idol gods of luck, let the professor be older than me......

i'll be expecting my parade any day now

I was cleaning out papers from my Ethan's backpack, when I ran across a worksheet with "What Makes a Hero?" on the top. On it, he had to go through and circle whether or not he agreed or disagreed with a list of statements describing a potential hero. He wrote:

A hero is brave and strong---agree.

A hero is caring and thoughtful---agree.

A hero is selfish---disagree.

A hero is never frightened---agree.

A hero makes mistakes--disagree circled, then erased and agree circled instead.

A hero is never silly---again, first agree circled, then changed, disagree.

A hero is dishonest---disagree.

A hero puts others before himself or herself---agree.

A hero stands up for himself or herself---agree.

A hero never gets angry---agree.

As I finished reading, I thought "that's great how my little guy has such a firm grasp on heroic traits", and I almost threw the worksheet away. But then I turned it over.....

The other side was called "My Hero". I'm putting his answers exactly as they're written in all their 8-year-old splendor:

If you could pick one person who you would consider to be your hero, who would it be?---my mom.

What qualities does this person possess that makes him or her special?---nice to othr peple.

In what way would you like to be similar to this person?---I want to be as nice as her.

How would you have to change?---triy hardr.

I bet you can guess that I am never, ever, ever going to throw this away! I may even have it framed and/or archived. What more could a mom ask for than to have her children admire her? My heart is smiling just reading over his sweet answers again.

Now if only I could use my super power of "nice" to turn the earth back on its axis or leap tall buildings in a single bound or maybe turn cheesecake into a low calorie, nutritious snack.....

and thank you Ethan. I'll try and stay worthy of being your hero forever and ever!

friday fotos--state fair time

Taking the boys to the state fair was one of those things I thought I could never, ever do all by myself. Those big crowds that are so easy to get lost in. All those rides with their long, long lines. The diverse assortment of things to have to say "no" to spending money on (no, we can't spend $3.00 to peek at the world's smallest horse....no we can't spend $5.00 to try and win a 4 ft. orange gorilla.....no you cannot get an airbrushed tattoo for $15.....) Did I mention the big,scary crowds? Anyway, I had nearly made up my mind to just not go this year for the first time in my whole life, when I got smacked up side the head by my more courageous self:


"heeeeeey! My mom use to take my brother and I EVERY year.....by herself! (and I only got lost once...)". I find myself taking courage from that thought a lot: If my mom could do it, SO CAN I. So off we went. And you know what? I did it! WE did it! Nobody got lost. Nobody whined or complained about only getting to go on two rides a piece. Everyone was happy just being together. And we had a blast!:

taking a milkshake break!

We stopped to listen to a bluegrass band and Liam was so proud that he climbed to the top of the bleachers all by himself!

This was my treat---warm, cinnamon-glazed pecans. Mmmmmm! Glad I took a picture of them :)!

The friendly corndog people. I just loved all the red going on in this picture!

This looks like a "kiddie" ride---but we all went on it last year and it was so much fun! Lots of spinning involved! (and a short line to boot!)

Aren't fairs fun places to take pictures of random things?!

Grateful that it was a bearable 90 degrees!

This is in the petting zoo tent. James thought the animals were hilarious!--even the big Holstein cow that licked him right on the face!

Look at the look of sheer joy on James's face! This is the first year he could ride the rides without an adult--so no trying to cram my oversized hiney into tiny cars this year. Darn.

Have an absolutely fabulous weekend everyone!

i fixed two things

Remember that picture wall I told you I was going to fix? The one that I put up almost two years ago--and immediately hated? The frames were always going crooked for one thing. And for another, it just never quite got in the pattern I wanted-- and I'd already put a billion nail holes in the wall trying to correct it. It got worse after I had to "edit" a few of the pictures. I still want my kids to have pictures of their dad around (and they do), but having to look at our family picture and my wedding picture on a daily basis was a little difficult. Anyway, here's the BEFORE in case you didn't see it on Saturday's post:


All kinds of yucky!!! (except for the people in the pictures--they're cute!)



Now I fixed it!:

Well, "fixed it".... as long as you ignore the holes from the old shelf that need patched and painted, and ignore the fingerprints on all the glass, and ignore the fact that at least one of the frames up there still has nothing in it. It looks better anyway, right? I think so! (and I actually painted that picture of the barn myself with watercolors. There was one like it in the Pottery Barn that I wanted a few years back, but it was too spendy--so I just copied and made my own! --I realize I'm no Van Gogh or anything but I like it enough to stick it on my wall.)

Wanna know what else I fixed?---

This little guy:

He and I were just hangin' out together today, eating some popcorn and watching People's Court, when he picked a kernel out of the bowl, held it up and asked:

"I eat this?"

"Nooooo" I answered, "we don't eat those. Kucky!"

"I do this?" he asked, and in a split second---- stuck... the... thing... up... his... nose...

I tried to get it out with the tweezers, but the more I tried--the more his arms flailed, and the more he rubbed his nose, and the deeper the thing got! SO a trip to the doc in a box and a $20 co-pay later---we have semi-painfully learned the lesson that not only don't we eat the popcorn kernels, but we don't put them in our nose either.

***ALL FIXED!***

do you think i might be a little lonely?...

So, here's my deal----- a lot of you know that I find this guy irresistible:

alan rickman

this one too:
blake lewis


and this guy--hubba! hubba!:


gabriel macht

I'm even ok with myself for watching a certain annoying show with my kids from time to time just to get a look at these two:
Chris and Martin Kratt




But, today, when I stopped to have a longer, ooh-la-la kind of look at this guy, I deduced that I may be a little starved for human affection:
Yes. That would be Lazytown's Sportacus. Now he can do a pretty amazing split leap, and has a stylin' handlebar moustache, and my James DOES watch the one episode we have of this show on DVD at least 4 times a day so it's kind of like he's at my house a lot......but, still, well, yeah......



Like I told my friend the other day---maybe I need a cat or two or fourteen.



Fess up ladies---anybody a "little out of the ordinary" appeal to you? I promise I'll only tell.......everyone!!! :)

*and Sunshine--I know you already claimed that one Wiggle for yourself, so I won't even consider him!

**NOONTIME UPDATE: I found this picture of Sporty sans costume, and maybe I'm not so crazy after all :)

my all alone day--a poorly written fairytale with no moral whatsoever

Once upon a time there was a mom who got a day all to herself.

For the first time in a month Brad took the boys for the weekend. And I was all alone. And though I missed the poo out of my kiddos, it was good to catch my breath. Just so you know, to me "catch my breath" means to keep myself as busy as humanly possible. That makes sense, right?! Anyhow, this is how I spent my day when there was no one to take care of but me:



I slept in until 8:30. Woo-hoo! Then spent almost 4 hours mowing, weeding, pruning, and picking in my yard and garden. See how pretty!:

Blisters on my hands, not so pretty:

Took a loooooong shower (boy! did slaving away in the 95 degree heat make me stinky!), got dressed and I was ready to go. Look at me wearing a white shirt AND white pants. That is an outfit only a woman without children can wear (which is why I think I've wore those white pants minus 3 times up to this point....).
First stop was the trampoline store (did you even know those existed?!). Our well-loved trampoline went from looking like this: To this:
Not that this isn't totally attractive in my backyard, but I think it'll look better repaired.

First errand DONE.

As I drove around, I listened to her REALLY loud. And no one said "Mom! Turn it down! We don't like this music!" :)

Look at the beautiful Idaho scenery:

Don't try and move here all at once now!!!

Next, I went to visit with my mama: I know she's not really at the cemetery, but I think she humors me and hangs out when I come. We have some good talks together there anyway. She was a wise, wise woman---and I sure need some of her wisdom at this point in life.

By now it was after 4:00 and I remembered all I'd had to eat so far today was....water. So, I made a little stop here:
Mmmmmm.....dark chocolate with peanut butter and banana. Eaten with about 25 napkins spread over those darn white pants!

Last up was a stop at the tar-jay where the scent of popcorn and Isaac Mizrahi hung heavy in the air: They were in the middle of the summer to fall cHaos, so it was 99% junky clearance, but I had fun looking around and trying on hats. I even purchased exciting things such as a light bulb (!) and hand sanitizer (!).



Then it was back to home where I spent an hour folding this:

while watching season 3 of this for the eleventeenth time:

and hatching a plan to fix this poor pathetic wall that I have hated since I first hung all of it up two years ago: I love the idea of a family photo wall, but this one just never quite got done like I wanted. Wait till you see what I do with it (stay tuned later this week!....).

FINALLY, I finished my day catching up on all of your lives till the wee hours of the morning.....spreading my comment lovin' around like Keven Federline spreads his DNA...... and doing my best to bring peace, love, and joy to blogland. And that was my all alone day.

Oh yeah, and I lived happily ever after.

The End.

friday fotos.....on thursday

I thought you might be sick of reading the camping stories by now (those well-written, highly entertaining camping stories....), but I have nothing new to say---so I thought I'd just jump the gun a bit and get on to my new Friday tradition. Here's what we've been up to this week:

*They're both in school now! Ethan started yesterday and says he loves it. He's one of only 3 boys in his whole class though!--guess he'll have his pick of girlfriends ;)! I'm sure I'm just "mom-biased", but I think these are sure some good looking kids!:
*Liam does not so much like the dropping off/picking up at school routine. If looks could kill...:

* I know how to cheer him up though----give him and his brother a box of Styrofoam peanuts! They made an atrocious mess, but they were cute doing it! I do not photograph well, but ever since I let the kids start using the camera (only when they ask first!)---I suddenly find myself with lots of pictures of myself. And some of 'em don't turn out half bad! Good job Liam!



*My buddy Merridy provides our "mobile barber service" on a monthly basis. She has saved a great deal of my sanity with this service! She even cut my hair this time for HALF of what my stylist charges. Huzzah!

*And finally---look who I got to meet this week! Music legend Tony Bennett!:

(okay, okay....this one is actually from back in October when I visited the wax museum in Las Vegas, but I thought I'd attempt to fool ya'al :) !) Just tell me that doesn't look real!

Wait one more day----then have yourself a merry little weekend!!!

you do NOT want to go camping with me

Well, after having beat one grim prophecy in my life, I now admit I have one more to overcome. The curse of me....in a tent......in the wilderness. Now, don't get me wrong. I LOVE to be outdoors. I like the piney smell and the birdsong, and the cloud-smeared open skies. I like to do a little hiking and a little fishing. But, please, please--if you value your life, do NOT ask me to sleep out there (aka "camp") because bad things happen....

When I was really little, we would get together with my Dad's whole family and go camping at a place called "the Big Rock". My grandparents, aunts and uncles would usually have been up there for several days having a wonderful time--and then we arrive-- and suddenly everyone ends up confined to their campers at night because the campsite becomes infested by a large number of bats. And when day comes--it rains ceaselessly. No one could figure out why....

As a young teenager, my mom would take us camping and bring along our dirtbikes. Trail riding on the motorcycles was really her and my brother's "thing", but I liked riding too. At least back home I did. When I rode a motorcycle while camping, I wrecked in a patch of loose gravel. And I was wearing shorts. And I still have a hum-dinger of a scar on my leg from that third degree burn the engine gave me.

Now, by the time I was 16 I thought I was competent enough to do any and everything. The teenage mantra, right? So, I agreed to go camping out in the red cliffs of St. George, Utah with my friend Summer--just she and I. We had barely got the tent put up when the world's largest gila monster comes wandering into our campsite. These things are poisonous, by the way. We drove to the ranger station and begged someone to come to our rescue. The ranger on duty kind of chuckled at us and said those little guys wouldn't do us any harm, but came back with us to have a look anyway. I think his eyes got as big around as pancakes when he saw the size of the "dragon" that was circling our tent. "Biggest one he'd ever seen!" he exclaimed, as he wrestled the thing away with a collar on the end of a pole. Well, of course it was---I was camping! But wait!--there's more: while we were away at the ranger station, a squirrel got into our tent and ate all our cookies. And also a group of loud, drunk guys decided to camp right by us that night and kept wandering over trying to borrow a bottle opener and talk to us. We ended up sleeping in Summer's car over by where all the old people were hunkered down in their luxury motorhomes---just trying to avoid scary, drunk men; cookie-eating varmints; and any more monsters lurking in the shadows.

I didn't attempt outdoor camping again for 16 years. Then, last summer, a big group of friends from church were going and really wanted us to come along. I figured it would be a good thing for my boys to see their mama "roughing it", so we agreed. I thought SURELY it had been long enough for "the curse" to have worn off----plus Brad was an Eagle Scout, and certainly we wouldn't come up against anything he couldn't handle. Well, except for those freak 50 mph winds that decided to blow into the campsite 2 hours after we'd pitched our tent. The ones that snapped off the top 12 feet of a giant Pine and sent it toppling about 6 inches away from our van! Another tree actually fell on one of our friends' tents (good thing no one was inside!). Needless to say, we broke camp faster than you can whistle Jack Robinson........... and so instead of this:

see the tree?

We did this:

went to our family's cabin which was conveniently located only 15 minutes away from the campground.

Once I'm safe indoors, the "curse" goes away. Go figure. But don't do that figuring outdoors in a tent with me. *****You might not get out alive....

Any one else have any camping horror stories?

the words that will not come (and other things that kill)

To the words that will not come to write this post--
Hemlock to my Socrates
Salt to my mollusk skin
Sun to my wax wings.

Why tickle my deeper imagination
and not let me laugh out loud?
Tie me to a stake
and not burn me?
Send me flying to my keyboard
at ungodly hours
to receive your fiery forms--
then fade to dream stuff
and ashes?

To the words that will not come
out from the dusty basement of my mind--
Take off your hoods and shout out your secret names
or be my Kryptonite
and the death of me yet.



***********************

And though I do not say the word a$$ (unless it comes up in the Bible, and even then I usually change it to "donkey"----yes, if life were The Office, I would so be Angela....), it IS nice to know that Sunshine thinks that I'm a:

If you want to be one too, go ahead and take this award---since you're reading my blog, I know you're worthy of it :)! And thanks Sunshine!-- I think we really would be Albertson's BFF's too!!!

***BIG shout out to my one of my favorite bloggy friends Debbie, who came up with this genius idea:

Go look! It's fun! And she's giving away plastic money---even though she hates to give stuff away!

friday fotos... and memories please!

I really like posting my week in pictures on Friday. Makes me feel a little less guilty about converting this blog from our family scrapbook to my own personal verbal release! :)



Here's what we've been up to:

James builds his own drum kits out of my pots and pans. And then plays them. Reeeeeeeally loud. EVERY day. But with that face, how can I NOT let him rock and roll all night?! (Notice the couch cushions too?)

We made the chalk paint that we found on Meg's blog. Everyone was entertained for at least 20 minutes!:
And after the kids had had enough of painting, guess who was still going :)?!:

It was as therapeutic as coloring or playing with play-doh!

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My favorite dance from this season of So You Think You Can Dance. Loved that Mark! Loved that whole silly show! I actually got a little teary watching the finale' last night. That "best of" routine---WOWZA!!! And did anyone else have a huge grin plastered on their face when Mary and Nygel danced? I bet Simon would never get up and SING on American Idol! Congratulations to Joshua---an untrained dancer---who won the whole sha-bang! Only 10 more months till the next season. *SIGH*

Also, after passing like blogging ships in the night once before, I finally got to meet Jenni this week! She's just as sweet as she seems on her blog, which leads me to think that all the rest of you are too :). Thanks for the great conversation Jenni! Hope to be able to buy one of your books some day soon!

Also, Also I've seen this memory challenge up on a few other blogs......and I'm self-centeredly curious to see what I might get. It doesn't matter if you've known me for a long time, a little time, or only through blogging---could you be so sweet as to leave me a comment about a memory you have of me? Let me know if you're playing on your blog too--and I'll come leave a memory about you!

***May your weekend be full of pleasant surprises!***