committed

Right now I am on a much needed vacation to Utah with my boy squad. I thought I'd just run down here to the lobby computer and check my email, and then I thought I'd just see how a few of my blogging buddies were, and then I read Debbie's latest post----and 40 minutes later...... I have come to face the fact that it's hard to take a vacation from blogging......*Sigh*. The connection with others, and with myself at the end of the day is a powerful thing in my life. Especially at this point. Sometimes I just write posts and never publish them. But I teach myself something I've learned that day, so I know it's not time wasted. I guess you either get that, or you don't! I just know that's the reason why I would sit here at this probably germ-infested keyboard, and risk writing this with two hotel clerks trying to read over my shoulder. Because no matter how far from home I am......I can always find this familiar place.

Good Night ;)!

*and hey there new boots man---I know you've been reading! My site meter won't let anyone hide! Thanks. And you have to admit that blogs are kind of fun, huh?!

to heck with my inner German

You know I'm an interior designer. You know I'm a published poet. (I'm only repeating what's up on my profile people!!! :) ). But did you know I also have my degree in GERMAN of all things?! I was twice an exchange student in Rheinland-Pfalz and had great plans to go back and live there after college. Instead (and without regrets) I got married...... and now just go around trying to find German people to talk to so I don't feel like I wasted several thousand dollars on my college education.....


Anyway, the Germans have two words to categorize people you know: one is "bekannte" which means "acquaintance", and the other is "freund" (or "freundin" if they're female) meaning "friend". The word for acquaintance was used FAR more frequently than the word for friend. If a German called you a "freund", chances are they 1. had known you for years and you had proved yourself loyal over time, 2. You had just saved them from dying a terrible death, or 3. they'd been drinking waaaaay too much Jagermeister and you just happened to be nearby.******* I guess that kind of thinking--of separating acquaintances from friends---just made its way into my subconscious and I have gone the past I don't know how many years with lots of "bekannte", but only a handful of "freunden" (that's plural for "freund", unless it's female plural and then it's "freundinen"---aren't you learning lots?!). Not that I didn't treasure my friends, and acquaintances too, and enjoy my time with them---I was just married to my best friend and chose to lay most of my time and energy with him. And now he's gone. And suddenly all those acquaintances are quickly hopping the line in my mind over to the friend side. In fact, and gratefully so, I've had friends come out of the woodwork to support me. Their calls and visits break up the monotony of my day. Their laughter keeps the laughter in me alive. And their prayers give me strength beyond my own. It might not be very "German" of me---but I am THRILLED to be suddenly surrounded by so many friends.



A few of those new friends joined the boys and me on Monday night to sit around the fire pit and make s'mores. Love these guys!--- They've treated me no differently after my divorce than before---except that I think I know them better now. ~Thank you Bishops and Hodges!~

There was lots of talking and lots of laughing and lots of sticky fingers. And it was healing. Wish you could have all been there--- because you're most certainly my FRIENDS too :) !!!

and on another note:

*******HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAMIE!!! I KNOW THIS ISN'T SNAIL MAIL.... BUT THE WISH COMES FROM MY HEART! ENJOY YOUR DAY!!!**********

living outside

Seems I've been doing a lot of that lately---with the blisters on my hands to prove it! I've planted tons of new annuals, moved some perennials around to places they'll be happier, learned to repair my sprinkler heads (thank you Gordon!--and Kindra for lending me Gordon!), weeded and washed and swept, and just been a general busy bee. I find it all very therapeutic---and great exercise to boot! Can't wait to show you pictures of my gorgeous flowers, but I'm going to give it another two weeks to make sure they'll all be blooming. Here is some evidence of my work though:


This was my patio in February....................






And here it was Saturday night..............

Ready for alfresco dining! I decided to string the lights up around 6 pm and finished at 8:30! Broke two bulbs, uttered a few choice words under my breath, and nearly fell off the ladder a couple of times.....but now I have my own little street cafe' feel going. Hooray!

Next I'm going to figure out how to start the grill by myself and cook up a batch of portabello mushroom quesadillas. Yummy! Pre-grilling the mushrooms while basting them in balsamic vinegar BEFORE you put them into tortillas with jack cheese makes them ever so tasty. Hey--I think I just gave you a recipe :)!

Now no more blogging your holiday away!--Go work in your yard!!!

***And thanks again for the great Saturday lunch Elena and Miki! I had such a good time--and Miki you made me feel like a celebrity........an exotic celebrity ;)!

so you think you can dance

I was right there with ya'al cheering on big David and at the same time feeling bad for little David (who, by the way, was the only contestant that ever made Ryan Seacrest look tall...). But that was all sooooo YESTERDAY! Today, I have a big grin plastered on my face because me and my buddies Ben and Jerry just finished watching this:

THIS SHOW IS SO STUPID!!! (and stupid means "really great" in cool dancer language, don't ya know!) This is my fourth year watching, and every time it starts--it just feels like summer has officially begun. I love the ballroom dancers and the jazz dancers and the contemporary dancers and the popper/locker/beat boys and the occasional tapper. I think it all makes me so very giddy because.... I was once a dancer.

First, I spent 3 years of junior high choreographing dance routines for our cheerleading squad. We danced to a lot of Depeche Mode and Yaz and that "Oh Yeah!" song from Ferris Bueller. I would spend hours studying dancers in music videos, and taught myself how to move like them ( just like Napoleon Dynamite, only without the moon boots.).

In high school I moved up to the Dance and Drill Team. Our advisor was a professional dancer who had once auditioned for Janet Jackson's "Rhythm Nation" video. She was 4' 2" of MEAN. We spent numberless hours before and after school, on Saturdays, and sometimes in the evening doing these insane routines she would come up with over and over and over. We would leap and twirl and contort and slam ourselves onto the floor until we were all black and blue---and we had better all do it with a smile....or else! Sometimes in my life, when I feel like giving up on a task, I can hear little Lisa the choreographer's voice in my head : "YOU'D BETTER GET UP AND DO THAT AGAIN AND DO IT RIGHT OR WE'LL BE HERE ALL NIGHT LADIES!!!". And I get up. Because I don't want to be there all night! Anyhow, the result of all that dancing torture we were put through was a really good team. We had to compete against schools with a lot fancier props and costumes and the like, and we always kept up. And heaven knows we always felt like we'd really earned it!

Then, in college, I agreed to take a clogging class with my roommate-- who wanted to meet some guy that was in it. I thought I'd hate it.....but I didn't. I learned to "fuse" the hip-hop/ pop/ jazz/ballet stuff that I'd done in high school with the clogging steps, and ended up having a blast. I still have my clinkity/ tappity shoes, and pull them out on occasion to "impress" my kids.

*********

So that's why I love So You Think You Can Dance. Because in the privacy of my own family room, with the blinds closed, and the TV turned up loud, I kick off my shoesies and see if I can still learn a new step or two.....and for a few minutes, when no one else is looking---I really think I can dance ;)!

stuff i've been doing....

Believe it or not, I have been doing fun, constructive,happy things with my days. Things that involve much less drama than concussions, old boyfriends, and buckets of crazy. Some of them are more bittersweet than others, but it's all good.....

The first Saturday in May, I participated in the Susan G. Komen "Race for the Cure". I signed up to run with my niece just as I was getting over the rheumatic fever. Walking was still painful then, and I really wanted a goal to work toward. I've always been very active--taking step aerobics, using the elliptical machine, walking at a 15 incline on the treadmill---but I've never been a runner. I trained really hard to be able to run at least some of this 5K. Turns out it was sooooooo crowded that we couldn't have ran if we wanted to! Ah well!!! Brittany, my niece, made it fun! She thought we had a great "conversation" during our speed walk. Sweet, sweet Brittany--conversation involves TWO people, and really what we had was me having a case of the verbal diarrhea that seems to so easily inflict me since this divorce. I'm sure if there had been any traffic, my non-stop jabbering would have made you run out into it! (That's just me trying to be funny again--except that it's sadly true too :)!). Thank you so much though Brittany. The whole thing would have been a bore without you! And thank you Heavenly Father for my ability not only to be able to walk again, but maybe even to run!

There's not a picture of it, but I got to wear an "in memory of my mom" sign on my back. The small cell cancer in her eyes, brain, lungs and liver that finally killed her was a result of metastasized breast cancer. It was neat to see women who had survived this disease all around us, and others running "in memory" as well. Very powerful.

-----------------------------------------------------

Happy Birthday James! I love a kid turning 2! I COULD have had a fancy-schmancy kind of party, but why bother? All he cared about was blowing out these candles over and over and over again! What a sweetie! He also sang the birthday song to himself throughout the day. "Happy Boo-day du me.... " Love this boy ;)!

Liam, of course, had to give him a little help!

He got a gallon of chocolate milk (I call it his 'kiddie coffee' since it's what he always asks for first thing in the morning!) and books for presents. Again-- he was as thrilled with it all as a teenager would have been getting a new car! And yes, that is Brad holding him. Difficult on my heart to do these "family" things--but I'll keep doing them because I know it is still such a blessing to my children to have us be able to get along and be together.

AND FINALLY........

Since the boys will be attending public school for the very first time in the fall, we decided we'd check things out and attend the ****school carnival*****:

Do you guys remember these things being so crowded when you were little? It was like being at Disneyland or something---lines for EVERYTHING!
Zane helping Liam at the golf game. He won a kazoo!
Ethan and his friend after a visit to the face painting booth.
Ice cream was a big hit. It was still nearly 95 degrees that evening! Kind of wish I'd had some wet wipes with me afterwards though.....
All in all we had a really fun time. We only lost Liam once.

I found a nice lady willing to take a picture of all of us. We have far too few of these, and I want my kiddos to remember that I really was there!(says the invisible woman :) ). And if by chance you happen to click to enlarge it, I look horrid. 4 hours of sleep a night and too much stress has not been kind to my poor face---but the smile is genuine, I promise. Look at these sweeties I'm with. How could it not be?!

Thanks again for putting up with the randomness! Have a great day! (and by the way, is it just me or is this new Natasha Bedingfield song not incredibly catchy?! I gotta pocket, gotta pocket full of sunshine.....)

*update: Wednesday night: How many rounds of Guitar Hero do you think David Cook had to play to be able to jam along with ZZ? Has anyone else passed that level :)?!

deadbolts are my friend

I promise to have a perfectly sweet post with lots of pictures up by Wednesday, but TODAY I just got a big bucket of CRAZY dumped on me. And now I wonder how I'm going to be able to sleep for the next few weeks. Can you say potential stalker?! I would love to let you all know more of the details, but it still freaks me out and I'd rather not have the incident memorialized right now....

Let's just say I'm even more grateful for the power of prayer and the protection of angels.

for T-- who forgot....

Alrighty--this is a first. This unsolicited post is up here for one particular person (though any of you feel free to say something, 'cause I still loves me some comments ;)!)----- I had an old boyfriend I haven't heard from in 14 years call up tonight and offer his condolences on my divorce. He is a happily married old boyfriend--so don't get the wrong impression! But we ended up talking for a while, and he said that he had been in a rough place in life during the few months we dated, and that he had blocked a lot of 'us' out along with the difficult memories. He felt bad. He felt like he should remember more. How is that I can remember:

I met you at a young adult dance on a Saturday night. I was quite enamoured. You had gorgeous icy blue eyes, perfect hair, and a great smile. And you were 5 years older. Nothing like an 'older man' to get a young girl's heart racing! You said you'd call me sometime. I couldn't wait. I showed up at your church the next day, claiming it to be a coincidence. You sat next to me and made me laugh the whole time by showing me how funny hymns can be when you add "in the tub" at the end of every line. A few days later you took me out to Mexican food for my birthday. I have a record of this entire date because I was really into carrying my video camera around with me everywhere I went. At some point, you took the camera away from me and did the rest of the recording. You were paying your little sister (Tanya?) to clean your basement apartment at the time. She had organized all your remote controls and hung your belts up on the wall. And there's a lot of your mom on there, by the way--that might be a little bittersweet, but if you ever want to see it, I can find a way to get you a copy.

It seems like most of our dates were in the middle of the night-- driving around while you did your insanely long paper route. It made for interesting, sleep-deprived conversation! You talked a lot, and I always liked that. And sometimes you bought me little powdered donuts from the gas station to eat as the sun came up.

The night before I left for Germany, we stood in your quiet, moonlit living room and you held my face between your hands and told me that I had the most beautiful eyes you'd ever seen. Not just their color, but their shape too (girls remember compliments like that!) and you begged me not to go. You said you wanted me to stay right there with you. I went all googly- kneed for sure--but I flew off to Europe anyway. You had given me a picture of you in your Irish paddy suit holding an umbrella, and I hung it up on the wall of my house in Germany and stared at it every day. I was a big Erasure fan then, and somehow made the "Take a Chance on Me" remake 'our song'. And listened to it...a LOT! I found a great U2 poster for you while in Switzerland, and hauled that thing all over western Europe before I came home 6 weeks later.

I remember being really excited to see you again. I came to your house and brought you your poster all framed up. You seemed to like it. And then I go blank......

I'm not really sure how we ended up parting ways. I had a kind-of boyfriend away on a mission who was coming home in a matter of weeks--I think that's what did it. I remember you standing outside of my car and asking "so am I out of the picture then?". And I not knowing what to say because I was 18 and stupid and in love with being in love. Then I saw you with some other girl at the next dance and figured that was both our answers.

I thought a lot about you my first semester up at college. When I came to visit you at the Woodshed to borrow music, it was really my way of saying: "hey, I'm still here and available"--but I guess you didn't get the clue....or didn't care. I ran into you one more time. It was nearly a year later-- summer of '94. I don't remember why, but you were at my home ward. I was struggling with an eating disorder and had starved myself out of like 45 pounds. You came up to talk to me and went on and on about how great I looked. You asked me what I was doing later on. By then I was only days away from being engaged and told you so. You looked kind of sad, but that was probably just me having my "look what you missed out on" moment ;).

Once I had made up my mind to marry Brad, I never looked back. But up until then, you were always one that I wondered if I shouldn't have fought a little harder to keep. I am absolutely thrilled, though, that you have such a happy marriage and family now. That you've gone on to a profession that so fits you. That you're content in your skin and with your life. Thank you, thank you for calling me and reminding me that I wasn't then, nor am I now, all that bad. And for the encouragement to cling to my faith. It was very appreciated. It even just about makes up for the fact that I remember ALL of the above, and you only remember my voice and a Pizza Hut :)!

Best to you.

*and to my readers: if any of you are interested, go read this and see if you can figure out which one he was....Sad to think that I wrote the post just days before my husband left me. Like I've said before--I was TOTALLY not expecting it!!!

sufficient for the day

My dishes are done. My floors are swept and mopped. My checkbook is balanced. The vomit covered car seat has been shampooed for the fourth time this week (concussion=lingering nausea---- that seems to show itself every time we get in the car). My children are read to and kissed and tucked safely in their beds. My house is eerily quiet.

This use to be the time of day I so looked forward to. A time for re-connecting. A time for the day's reflection. A time to laugh and be close. Now, I usually invent a hundred things to keep me busy between the boys' bedtime and when I finally fall into bed exhausted--but they all got done too quickly tonight. And I find myself still and lost in my thoughts. Mostly good ones thankfully.

There is a story in the scriptures that really fits how I've been feeling these past few weeks. I know I have shared it with at least one of you before. It is the story of Elijah and the widow of Zarephath. Because of the drought caused by the sealing of the heavens, there is a famine over all the land. Elijah, following God's counsel, goes to Zarephath and finds a widow there gathering sticks. He asks her for water, and she immediately starts off to go get it. As she leaves, he asks also for a morsel of bread. Her reply: "As the Lord thy God liveth, I have not a cake, but an handful of meal in a barrel, and a little oil in a cruse: and, behold, I am gathering two sticks, that I may go in and dress it for me and my son, that we may eat it, and die".

Oh! how many times I have felt like that lately. As though I am on my very last emergency reserves of stamina, of patience, of forgiveness, of peace, of happiness, and of ability of every kind. That I am trying my very best to serve God (fetching the water), but I simply can do no more for Him (bring bread) because it feels as though I barely have enough strength for myself and my children-- and if I have to give any more or endure any more--I'm going to die. Elijah's answer is God's answer to me too:

"Fear not; go and do as thous hast said: but make me therof a little cake first, and bring it unto me, and after make for thee and for thy son. For thus saith the Lord God of Israel, The barrel of meal shall not waste, neither shall the cruse of oil fail, until the day that the Lord sendeth rain upon the earth".

First--I have to serve God. I have to read, study, ponder, pray. I need to think of ways to serve my family and others. I must give a little more of my anger, of my fear, of my pride, of my will over to Him each new day. He doesn't ask for the whole loaf-- just a little cake. But his promises are immense.

"And she went and did according to the saying of Elijah: and she, and he, and her house did eat many days. And the barrel of meal wasted not, neither did the cruse of oil fail according to the word of the Lord, which he spake by Elijah".

It never said that one day her barrel of meal was full and her oil cruse overflowing and she never had to worry about being hungry again--she merely had sufficient for the day. She had to have faith every morning that when she put her hand in that meal barrel-- there would be enough-- as was promised her.

And that is the story of my life currently. While I want to have everything restored, in a sense, to the point of overflowing it was just a few short weeks ago--it is just not what is meant to be for me at this time. For now, I have to have faith that there will be enough of whatever I need to feed myself and my children for the day. Sufficient stamina, patience, forgiveness, peace, happiness, ability. Sufficient for the trials, large and small, that continue to come. Sufficient to recognize the many blessings that are still mine.

Most joyful of all is that I know that one day the Lord will send fullness into my life again, the same way he finally sent rain to the earth of Zarephath again. Things simply cannot stay this difficult forever when I and so many others are praying with such faith for them to pass eventually. And until that blessed time, I feel my faith can sustain me for "many days" as it did the widow, her son, and God's prophet. I know it can because I am doing things in the order I'm suppose to. As my father in law once told me: "the scriptures tell us 'and it came to pass', not 'and it came and stayed and stayed and stayed.....'. " Makes me smile :). I am certain it is true. (and in case you're interested, the story of Elijah and the widow is found in 1 Kings 17:1-16)

So grateful for answers I find...... and a happy place to share them.

Wishing you all sufficient for your day as well.

and her children shall rise up and call her blessed....

My mother- in -law sent this to me and it touched my heart. Hope it does the same for you:

This is for the mothers who sat up all night with sick toddlers in their arms, wiping up vomit laced with Oscar Mayer wieners and cherry Kool-Aid saying, “It's okay honey, Mommy's here.”

Who sat in rocking chairs for hours on end soothing crying babies who can't be comforted.

This is for all the mothers who show up at work with spit-up in their hair and milk stains on their blouses and diapers in their purse. For all the mothers who run carpools and make cookies and sew Halloween costumes~~and all the mothers who don’t.

This for the mothers who gave birth to babies they'll never see. And the mothers who took those babies and gave them homes. This is for the mothers whose priceless art collections are hanging on their refrigerator doors. And for all the mothers who froze their buns on metal bleachers at football or soccer games instead of watching from the warmth of their cars.

And, that when their kids asked, “Did you see me, Mom?” they could say, “Of course! I wouldn't have missed it for the world!” And mean it.

This is for all the mothers who yell at their kids in the grocery store and swat them in despair when they stomp their feet and scream for ice cream before dinner. And for all the mothers who count to ten instead.

This is for all the mothers who go hungry, so their children can eat.

For all the mothers who read “Goodnight, Moon” twice a night for a year. And then read it again. “Just one more time.”

This is for all the mothers who taught their children to tie their shoelaces before they started school. And for all the mothers who opted for Velcro instead.

This is for all the mothers who teach their sons to cook and their daughters to sink a jump shot.

This is for every mother whose head turns automatically when a little voice calls, “Mom?” in a crowd, even though they know their own offspring are at home -- or even away at college ~or have their own families.

This is for all the mothers who sent their kids to school with stomach aches, assuring them they'd be just FINE once they got there, only to get calls from the school nurse an hour later asking them to please pick them up. Right away.

This is for mothers whose children have gone astray, who can't find the words to reach them.

For all the mothers who bite their lips until they bleed when their 14 year olds dye their hair green.

For all the mothers of the victims of recent school shootings, and the mothers of those who did the shooting.

For the mothers of the survivors, and the mothers who sat in front of their TVs in horror, hugging their child who just came home from school, safely.

This is for all the mothers who taught their children to be peaceful, and now pray they come home safely from a war.
What makes a good Mother anyway? Is it patience? Compassion? Broad hips? The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and sew a button on a shirt, all at the same time?

Or is it in her heart?

Is it the ache you feel when you watch your son or daughter disappear down the street, walking to school alone for the very first time?

The jolt that takes you from sleep to dread, from bed to crib at 2 A.M. to put your hand on the back of a sleeping baby?

The panic, years later, that comes again at 2 A.M. when you just want to hear their key in the door and know they are safe again in your home? Or the need to flee from wherever you are and hug your child when you hear news of a fire, a car accident, a child dying?

The emotions of motherhood are universal and so our thoughts are for young mothers stumbling through diaper changes and sleep deprivation...And mature mothers learning to let go.

For working mothers and stay-at-home mothers. Single mothers and married mothers. Mothers with money, mothers without. This is for you all. For all of us...

Hang in there. In the end we can only do the best we can. Tell them every day that we love them. And pray, and never stop being a mom.

“Home is what catches you when you fall - and we all fall.”
***************************************************

I spent the greater part of this morning in the emergency room with James after a referral by the Primary Health doctor. Saturday, he took a tumble off the swing. 2 year olds tend to fall down and fall off of things a lot, and this spill didn't seem any worse than others he's taken. I gave him some magic mommy loves and kisses and he seemed better. A few hours later he started to throw up. I thought it was just a virus. He was lethargic on Sunday, but we went to church for Mother's Day anyway. Sunday evening, he wouldn't leave my lap. He dry heaved several times, was sensitive to light, and was having a hard time opening his eyes. I continued to think it was just a virus. After a restless night, and when he didn't seem much better this morning-- I went to have him looked at. Following a CT scan (which he was an angel for! Thank goodness!--I told him a big donut was taking his picture, and he thought that was funny!), I learned he had a concussion. Not so bad as to have to be admitted, but bad enough that I'll have to keep a close eye on him for the next several days.

I can't tell you how many times I had to delete the word "we" from the paragraph above and change it to "I". Brad was very concerned for James, and was here this evening to check on him and hug him up good. But then he left. And I was on my own again. And it really is my duty now to take care of these boys full time. To be the "mom". And while I'd rather still be half of a loving, committed parenting team-- I continue in my gratitude that the title of mother is one that can never be taken from me. I'm sure you are too!

Happy Belated Mothers Day to all of you!!!

happy birthday James!!!

My baby (and I call all my boys my babies, but this one really is!) is 2!!! I can't believe how time has flown! He has so quickly become his own little personality..... and a force to be reckoned with!

I was 5 months pregnant with James when I found out my Mom had cancer. She passed away a mere 6 weeks later-- hoping the whole time to make it a little longer so she could see the baby before she left this life. My sadness was so intense-- I wondered how my poor unborn baby would ever survive it when it felt like it was ripping me apart. I started to pray that the angels would sing to him so he would have something else to listen to besides all the crying that was going on. And he was so angelic when he was born, that I can only feel that prayer was answered. I also always felt that it was my Mom who handed him off to me. I gave him her gender-neutral middle name for his own, so he would always remember.

look at that serious little face :)!

People ask me constantly if I'm disappointed that I never had a girl. Sometimes around Christmas and Easter when all the cute holiday dresses make their appearance, I wonder..........but the other 363 days of the year, how could I not love everything about the "boyness" I have been blessed with?

James is my most headstrong little guy--even surpassing Liam (and I never thought that would be possible!). But there is such a strong desire to love and be loved in him as well, and a gentleness and concern for others. He keeps me on my toes, that's for sure, but he also teaches me so much about the joy of discovery.



Being the youngest of four means he has a lot of good examples to look up to. It also means that he has to really make himself known to get our attention. There is a lot of volume involved in that process. And a lot of climbing. And sometimes there is so much volume and climbing that Mommy wishes she drank just a little :)! I wouldn't have it any other way though-------- Life would be far too dull and quiet without my little James.



Happy Birthday Budgee! You are so very loved!



xoxo, Your Mommy

driving and waiting.

13 years ago, I had to commute an hour and fifteen minutes each way to the university. (Gee. Wonder why I may have dropped out before graduation?). I learned to work every second of that time. I would record my notes onto tape and listen to them as I drove. I got through countless audio books. I would eat a bagel for breakfast, drive with velcro curlers in my hair, and put on mascara at the stop signs. And if I ever had to wait somewhere in my car-- there was always a book to read, something to write on, or something I could clean out. I was a fierce car multi-tasker! I can only imagine what I would have been able to do if I'd had a cell phone, an ipod, and a DVD player......

And now, in my role as Mom, I can referee "disagreements", sing the alphabet song, try and hear what Glenn Beck is saying, pass out hand sanitizer,help the older boys memorize the preamble of the constitution, and bend over to pick up the dropped binky with one hand while still keeping my head above the dashboard and the other hand on the wheel!!!!

I was pleasantly surprised when earlier this week I happened to find myself with 15 precious minutes before cub scouts was out. My multi-tasking skills while driving were still pretty impressive after all these years, but I fear my waiting skills were out of practice. I forgot my book. Talk radio was all commercials. No people to watch. But I just happened to have my camera. And to make sure I had something to show for my time, I started snapping pictures. I think what I caught was pretty sweet:

This was probably the main reason why the wait seemed so significant. If this one had been awake, it would have been all chatter and questions ;)!

I see James is awake. This one's up now too.....and picking his nose! He'll LOVE this photo when he's older!
Binky is our ever-faithful companion, and so is......
Bo-bo the dog. Such tiny, precious hands.


And now let's make this more about YOU-------
What do you do while you wait in your car? Or even more exciting, what can you do while you drive?!?!

ghosties and beasties and things that go bump in the night

I'm just like you. I'm afraid of weird guys breaking into my house at night. I'm afraid of weird guys trying to steal my children. I'm afraid of weird guys that seem to be following me around WalMart late at night. Just about anything in the "weird guy" category is frightening to me.


But there are a few other things that just plain creep me out. Mostly of the insect family. I hate, hate, hate spiders. But I'm getting braver about sucking them up with the vacuum cleaner (with both extension wands hooked on, and shrieking the whole time-- convinced they're going to somehow jump on me!). I also hate grasshoppers. Those stinky things are forever hopping out of the bushes and sticking to my shirt. More shrieking. I also hate wasps, ants, beatles, and bugs so tiny you can't see them but you know they're there because you saw a magnified picture of them once on Oprah. But the one insect I fear above all others......is the moth! This one I can explain.......


Back when I was a newlywed, we lived on a farm. Our little house was surrounded by fields. It was a lovely, crisp October night. I had our porch light on. I decided to take a quick trip into town for milk. Fields + light+ cold= lots of moths. I opened up the front door. Can you see what's going to happen here? There was a WALL of moths in front of me. Hundreds of them! They of course thought my opening the door was an invitation to come flying into the house....and into my hair. Right then and there, I became forever traumatized by this horrible pseudo-butterfly creature. I hate the way moths fly all willy nilly right at you. I hate the way they're all covered in some kind of weird powder. I hate thinking that one has gotten into my house and is eating a hole in some article of clothing.


Once again, maybe I am sharing things with you about myself you'd rather not know. Perhaps you like your perception of me being a sane and rational and un-afraid of moths kind of woman.....


Saturday, I was changing a bulb in the porch light when I happened to look and see what was right by my hand. This:


EEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!!! One of those giant hummingbird moths! The flower garden I planted is filled with perennials designed to attract butterflies and hummingbirds. And of course, with my luck--they attracted this instead. I'm surprised Zane didn't want to catch it and chase me around with it. He and Ethan think that's hilarious.


Is there anything weird ya'al are afraid of? Please don't let it be just me......
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And Zane says I don't put enough pictures of him up on my blog. So here's a cute one--and a reminder to check on his blog post today :)!

back on campus

Guess who's going back to school? After a 9 year hiatus, I am re-enrolled at Boise State University. I'll continue to run my interior design business to make some extra money, but I've decided to channel most of what little spare time I have into getting my degree.

Now before I tell you what my plans are, let me tell you a little bit about my history:

My mom was widowed when I was only 4 and my brother 2. She had once worked as a realtor, but it was now the late 70's and the housing market was belly up. She had no education beyond high school, and no real plans as to what to do. I remember times being very tough for several years. We went on welfare initially, but she had too much pride to do that for long. She worked in the layaway department at Woolworths. She worked evenings at a catering company. She cleaned rental houses. She shampooed carpets. She worked for a rancher helping him during branding time. But nothing seemed to be steady enough or pay well enough. Finally, mom ended up getting a good secretarial job at a sand and gravel company-- a company which she eventually ended up buying and turning into a success. Her last 10 years of life were spent retired, doting on her children and grandchildren, and happily traveling the world on her boat.

Still, although her life had a good ending--those tough years were tough--on all of us. My mom had to put my brother and I in daycare to be able to take the secretarial job. There we were often mistreated by the owners' teenage children (which we were always too afraid to tell our mom about or I'm sure she would have put us somewhere different). As I got older, I remember Mom coming home from work around 6:30 every evening and looking SO frazzled and tired. There never seemed to be time to make meals, so we ate out at fast food and pizza restaurants constantly. Because she was so depended on at work, she couldn't take time off during the day to come see school plays or stay home with us when we were sick. And her weekend time was usually channeled into making some kind of a dent on the enormous amount of house and yard work that always seemed to be piling up. We always knew she loved us more than anything, but it's still hard to build much family unity or to keep your kids out of trouble in only an hour or two a day. Lucky for me, one of the lessons I took from growing up in that situation was: ALWAYS HAVE A BACK UP LIFE PLAN----you never know what's going to happen.

So, for that reason, I've maintained my design business for the past 11 years and had always planned on going back to school when the boys were older (don't we ALL want to do that?!). I do love interior design, but the work seems to either be feast or famine and I need something a little more steady. Also, I want to find a career that will allow me to work from home as much as possible. My first and most important job is and will always be being mom to my babies. It's not their fault that their family got split in two, and I will work with every ounce of strength, energy, smarts, and talent I can squeeze out of me to make sure they get the mothering time that is so essential to raising good kids. It's going to mean a year of public school for Zane and Ethan, but since I've homeschooled them from kindergarten, they always were curious to see what they were missing out on! We're truly trying to go at this turn in our life with positive attitudes and a sense of adventure. Each night as we kneel for family prayer, we say "Heavenly Father, things aren't exactly as we want them to be right now, but please help us to be brave, to see the many blessings that are around us, and to take good care of one another." So far that prayer seems to be working!

What is it that I will be doing in school? Will I be a surgeon? An astrophysicist? A politician? A lumberjack? (I am laughing at all these choices by the way!).........

I'm happy to announce to you faithful blog readers that I will be returning not as the German/Secondary Education major I was 9 years ago, but as an English major with a writing emphasis. Writing has always been my first love, and I do have a talent for it--even though it may not always be evident in blog format! I know this degree has a lot of flexibility in it--from teaching to freelance writing to editing--and the good thing about writing is that it can be done from HOME! So give me two years (maybe less-- I get to start as a senior) and I'll soon have a cute picture to post of me holding a diploma.

Now, come on-- tell me how brave and wise I am :)!