First up, Ashton-Drake Doll Company----- What the heck are these?!?!
There was a huge ad for these right in the middle of my Country Living magazine and it made me audibly gasp in....I don't know what.....horror maybe? It was just weird. Are people seriously buying these monstrosities or did you put them there just to scare me? I have a heart condition you know. That's not nice.
Next: Dear Little Debbie, shame on you for peddling this drug on the open market!:
And shame on you Fred Meyer-- selling them for $1 a box on sale!
Do you have any idea how many boxes of Nutty Bars are currently in my pantry.......calling my name......? Not cool!And you McDonald's lady. Don't roll your eyes at me if I choose to order my Egg McMuffin with no egg! That's my prerogative. Just make it and give it to me, gosh darn it!
Don't think you're getting out of this unscathed oh evil poetry professor! (this isn't really him--this is Einstein--you knew that, right?....)
Making us write a poem without adjectives?! Who do you think you are?! Don't you realize that I am suppose to just sail through this class and not be made to stretch or grow my talent in any manner? Guess I should have sent you that memo before I took the 7 hours to write the ONE POEM!!!Finally, you oh dreaded, creepy Wal*Mart guy!:
I am sooooooo sorry I chose to wear my Spanx AND my WonderBra on my recent trip to value land..... apparently all my "shape shifting" made you take a special interest in me. Thank you for pointing out how hot I am. I'm pretty certain you were drunk on discount beer. My post-divorce self-esteem is shredded up enough without adding you and your attempts at a compliment into the mix!!!
----So who's next to get a piece of me and all this RAGE :) ?!----
And please, feel free to use this angry forum to vent about whatever has got you fired up today!
*also, I wanted to let you know there were a few pairs of shoes left here after my wild party last week, and well, finders keepers :).
44 comments:
Oh I am so excited that I get to be first.
Wait I am supposed to vent, let me see. Aside from the creepy Walmart guy, yikes I think that they hang out there.....let me think. Oh I know.... So this morning I woke up in Boise and had to drive home and the drive another hour to get to work for 8 hours of fun.I got off work at 11:30pm and drove home and got ready for bed and now I cannot sleep. I hate that I cannot sleep anymore.... that is my vent. I know totally lame but I had a great weekend and have nothing to vent about. But I am sure that in a few short hours that will change.
Love this song, first of all.
Second of all, I stared at those M&M babies for about 10 minutes in the coupon section of my newspaper yesterday. I couldn't take my eyes off their weirdness. I also read the fine print of "these dolls are not toys and are meant for adult collectors." Really? Adults? Weird.
You go girl!! Those M&M dolls are creepy.
Ok, my vent. Yesterday evening at church I went to the choir room to get ready for Kids Choir. Someone cleaned and moved ALL my music. ALL of it! Couldn't find any of it. I was NOT happy. Leave my dang music alone; clean somewhere else.
Lisa Q
Jennifer,
You are way too funny! Thanks for the laughs! As far as a vent goes, I'm not at all thrilled that there is no station with gas within a 20 mile radius of my house AND my check fuel light has been on for the last 3 miles. According to my owner's manual, I can SAFELY drive for 5 miles with it on BEFORE running out of fuel. Sigh. What to do.
Well, I don't have much to vent about right at the moment. Except the mean library man who woulnd't let me renew my stupid movie that was stuck. "Sorry maam, it's $.25 a day until it's returned." But you are playing divinely good music today!!
I noticed those little babies in my Country Living too...what the heck? What do they MEAN "I Melt For No One"? I don't geeet it! I spent WAY too much time thinking about that one.
And 100 calorie Pringles...yeah. Hubbs brought them home on sale and I've been really good about not eating them. Until last night. Arg...I TOTALLY blame hubbs.
AND I'm venting that NOW I want and Egg McMuffin.
I'm tempted to try writing a poem myself without adjectives. I think I see the makings of a hive forming on my arm as I type this.
7 hours babe? What are you, a writer?! ;D
You always see to make me laugh first thing in the morning. Which I definitely need, since I am not a morning person.
I saw those dolls yesterday and had to do a double-take, thinking, "What the heck?" Definitely up there on my weird-o-meter.
So, did this Wal-Mart thing happen Saturday night after I dropped you off after dinner? Yuck.
Very funny! I also get my egg mcmuffin with no egg! I thought I was the only one!
I must be the only person that hasn't seen those dolls. I need to get out more. Do you remember when my mom tried to jump a counter after Mrs. Johnson at West Junior High? I am my mother x 100. I get made when someone cuts me off on the freeway, someone makes a rude comment to my kid, or heaven forbid question my desire to home school my kids. I am not to be messed with!!!!
You are funny... and a much better person than I am. Tyler will attest to my lack of paitience; I've been known to let a few-people-have-it.Some people just drive me nuts, or rather their behavior in certain situations. I'm a little hot tempered and he's the coolheaded person in our marriage. I think everyone should be able to have a few angry outbursts in their life. I suppose I've used my 'few' though. :)
Oh and I couldn't help but quietly CRACK UP when you and Kindra were playing with Quincy. The sheer look of confusion and horror on his face watching that little worm in your book was priceless! He was so wierd yesterday, happy one minute and on the brink of a meltdown the next. I guess we'll just blame it on teething molars! Thanks again though. It's so nice to be back in RS. I feel like a visitor!
What's funny is that you don't even sound angry! I was ready for a throw down, a country brawl. Nope. It's baby M & M's, and a compliment or two from "that guy". lol...Ugh.
Anyway, too funny! I think your "blogless friend" is right. You're hilarious when you get mad!
Can I vent about kittens? They steal everything. You'd think we adopted magpies. My watch is missing. As are all the qtips, my bathroom cup, the remote to the fan in my bedroom, and one of my blue crocs.
And those nutty bars. Sigh. Are they not the best?
oh darling jennifer: you are super-sweet...creepy wal-mart guy, ugh! i guess that you better start trying to not look so hot :) --NEVER!!! but don't take that guy at his word...i mean, consider the source, its kind of the like the jock in HS hootin' at ya...he just wants to get under your skin and in....well, you know what i mean...but take no doubt in this: you ARE lookin' good!
what a few days for you! let it all out jennifer...let your voice be heard! :)
oh, that song! awesome. all i have to say is i want some spanx!
OK...Those M&M babies were in an add in the coupon flyer here, and I too, gasped. My husband looked over at me and asked what was wrong. So creepy
Can't. Stop. Laughing. You are too much girl! Let the wrath of Jennifer be upon you old nasty, creepy Wal-Mart guy!!! Have a better week :)
I think Nasty WalMart Dude was on my plane this week. ugh.
And what is UP with the creepy candy babies. You know there are people that saw those and thought to themselves, "I have GOT TO GET ME ONE OF THOSE!" And they're wondering why someone didn't think of making them sooner. (shakin' my head)(Shame on Country Living, one of my favorite magazines for letting them advertise them!)
I always order the bacon, egg and cheese biscuit without bacon. They don't offer just an egg and cheese. Why not? And those M&M babies are so grotesque. Someone will buy them, though. Just pray you don't wind up with one under the Christmas tree with your name on it from that quirky great aunt.
I hear you loud and clear!
I think that creepy walmart guy makes his round to walmarts across the country, darn him!
As for the dolls, i just pray my little girl doesn't see that ad, i don't want those weird little things watching me in the dark when i get up at midnight for a glass of water...
by the way, thanks for the follow, YEAH I HAVE 1 FOLLOWER! nice to meet you :)
Oh, I love to laugh and thus I love this post. You know, it's pretty pathetic of me, but if anyone thinks I look good, (even a really creepy guy), I am flattered.
And you had a party without me? Post about it at least!
Okay, we are so similiar that it is even creepier than walmart man.
First off...
My daughter and I find those dolls so creepy! Yes, I'm using 'creepy' a lot, but there's no better word. The worst one was a line of preemies with names like 'just a handful of love'. They are taking a serious medical condition that can have long range physical developmental problems and making it cute and desirable! Ooh, I hope my baby comes really early. Those little preemies are so adorable!
Whenever we come across one of these ads we cut it out and tape it to each others bedroom door. Nothing like stumbling to bed at midnight and seeing one of those porcelian faces staring back at you!
Second, I am a vegetarian who loves junk food. I eat my fair share of fruits, vegies, and tofu, but I also love cheese whiz, coke, and big macs with no meat. Try ordering one of those sometime. It often involves a manger coming to the drive through window.
And last of all I was in Walmart in the 'personal products' section and had an I just felt I was being stared at and there was an older gent (using the term gent loosely here) staring at me. I was getting a female product, but of course standing in front of a huge condom display. He gave me this look like 'ya lady, I've got your number you naughty thing.' I continued to run into him throughout my shopping trip and he would just blatantly stare. No polite smile or looking away when we made eye contact. I was tempted to shriek, "I have a yeast infection you sicko! I wasn't looking at condoms or personal lubricant so leave me alone!" and then run away.
Well, once again it seems I've entered the realm of way too much info.
The lengths I'll go to for a good story...
P.S.
Professor Snape! That was driving me crazy! Now that I know he's English I publicly retract my previous judgement and give my official stamp of approval.(bet you're so relieved.)
Too funny!
VENT: the animal enforcement people came to my house. APPARENTLY, Colorado has a leash law for CATS!!!!! What on EARTH?
OMG your Walmart guy picture made me snort! I don't post often but I do lurk.
Little M&M dolls...creepy. Wal-Mart guy...creepy. Creepy things make me mad sometimes too. Very, very angry.
Little Debbie sucks. I can't even look at those bars (which are my FAVORITE, by the way) without feeling my arse expand.
I haven't seen the dolls, but I do know what you mean about Little Debbie. Those bars are evil.
Ewwww. Creepy Wal-Mart guys are everywhere. But especially Wal-Mart. It just seems to "call" them out of the woodwork, doesn't it?
Hope your week gets better from here!
Now I want to go to McDonalds AND have a little Debbie Snack! SO not good!
I see you, and I'll raise you an eggless Egg McMuffin. 'Cause that's just the way I order mine.
We will eat them together one day soon. Yes, we will.
Fu-nny post. That Walmart guy may show up in my nightmares....very creepy indeed. I've enjoyed your blog!
What gets me mad is when I order a ham, egg and cheese croissant from Burger King and they leave off the egg.
Maybe your Spanx are too tight. See what all night partying can do to you.
I'm so happy that I found your blog. You could be my long lost sister.
Love those Little Debbies! Good thing I didn't run into that sale, or that creepy guy for that matter. You are very cute, no wonder you got hit on. Perhaps you should start hanging out somewhere other than Wal-Mart. You may have a better chance of attracting more desirable characters. Have a great week!
Whoa. At first I thought you were yelling at me when I saw "Debbie." Whew, glad I wasn't the target...and the whole Walmart thing was so funny Jennifer. I mean I can just picture how it all played out in my head. Creepy but funny nonetheless. And speaking of creepy, those M&M babies. Huh??? What's up with that. I can't even look at it without getting the heebie jeebies!
Jennifer- you crack me up!!!! I needed that:)
$1 a box?!? Holy cow, that's some cheap yummy.
Forget the guys in there, Wal-Mart in general gives me the creeps. I'd rather pay a tiny bit more for my closer to home, shine clean w/extra wide aisle TarJay.
I ALWAYS order my Bagon egg and cheese McGriddle with no egg.....and no problems, except those sorry little scraps of bacon that they slap on there usually equate to about THREE bacon bits.
My Vent: husband took me to Olive Garden for dinner tonight, and it has been so long since we've eaten out that I now have a tummy ache.
Or maybe it was just because it's been so long since we've eaten out that I gorged myself.........either way I'm not feelin so hot right now.
Love your Rage!
And since I didn't make it to the party Happy late Blogiversary!
Nutty Bars= EVIL, dipped in chocolate
I once had a McDonald's employee laugh at me, then call another employee over to laugh at me, when I ordered a Big Mac without a bun. Seriously, what the heck?!
Great rant by the way! I'm sure your future offenders will shudder in fear after they find out you possess the ultimate in venting tools. :)
Rage on! I think those are valid points-especially the WM guy. Why do sluggy guys think it is a compliment to gawk and make rude comments? Holding the door open or waiting in turn is soooo much more of a compliment.
My vent? Tarjay. They sent me the wrong items in a box, so I have to spend my money to call and get my items re-sent....and the girl asked me to go online and print off a return label and mail it back. Oh, and I have to fill out a customs form, so I might need to look up those items online for a ballpark itemization of prices. Maybe-if I have time. No wait-if I make the time.
I totally agree with you on the Nutty Bars...they're irresistable! I need to stop buying them...
To add to your list, I was bugged when I drove up to the donut shop (hmmm, maybe it's not just Nutty Bars I need to give up!) and there were TWO people parked in the fire lane. It just makes me want to say, "What's the emergency? Is there anything I can do to help? Should I call 911?" to them. The parking lot is only an extra 30 feet away!
Can't stop laughing! And I think we were separated at birth after reading your first two as I also audibly gasped at the freaky M&M babies. Why? Just why?
As for nutty bars, I am not allowed to be in their presence. They were sold in the cafeteria in college and were responsible for my freshman/sophomore/junior/senior fifteen (read: 25).
As for Walmart guy - ewwww! Just one more reason I boycott Walmart!
Thanks for brightening my day!
LMAO Love it!! Thanks for stopping by my blog when it was featured last week! I'm still trying to catch up with all the comments I got!!
Seriously, those Nutty Bars are so good!
Can I vent that I know more than the tech support team at our district office and help them out when they are supposed to be helping me and then they take credit for it? I solved a major problem for them and they had the nerve to cut and paste my email and make it look like their own doing. ARGHHHHHHH!!!!!!
I haven't stopped by in a long time and was skimming through. Your nutty bars caught my eye! My absolute fave! I don't know if you'll see this comment, since this post is from September, but if so... try keeping your nutty bars in the fridge. I love to fill up my vegetable drawer with them! :)
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