so what exactly is it that you're doing, crazy woman?

Hi. I'm crazy. Seriously.  Working on about 10 total hours of sleep over the last three nights. My bleeding ulcer is acting up again. I'm starting to see little gnats flying around in my peripheral vision. Everything is super funny or super sad. I'm all shifty and nervous, pumped up on hourly cups of Starbucks dark hot chocolate. I sit down and write for about ten minutes, then fill out application forms for five minutes, then go play Just Dance 3 for a few songs, then get distracted figuring out the intricacies of how my stapler works, then send my poor friends mumbly, crazy-person texts, then back to writing.

And what, you ask, am I allowing to drive me to this point of temporary (oh, let's pray it's temporary!) craziness?

MFA application time again, baby.

Last year, it was 3 am the night before my submission was due, and I suddenly decided that a major portion of my story needed re-written. There was much weeping and fretting and cursing myself and my character. Poor Ninja came over to help and even he, brave warrior of the night, looked kind of afraid to approach me. This year...it's that all over again but times five, since I'm applying to five schools. And I'm giving every one my very best.

My portfolio was already pretty fine-tuned after a year of work, so I haven't done the amount of weepy, last-minute editing. But what has thrown me for a loop are the amount of hoops that every school makes you jump through. UC Irvine is the WORST (but also the best. Love you UC Irvine. Pick me. xoxo.). They want not only your "Autobiographical Statement of Purpose", but also a "Statement of Purpose" and a "Personal History Statement." And by statement, they really mean meticulously crafted essay of 2-4 pages, keeping in mind they will be reading about 600 of these and even though all 3 of those things they are asking for are essentially comprised of the same information, you better darn well make sure yours sound different and brilliant, man. Or else.

Within the five programs I'm applying to, there are forms to fill out in triplicate. Publishing histories to assemble. Letters of Recommend to secure, along with waivers to fill out that take away all your rights to ever read the nice things the letter writers say about you. There are portfolios required of various lengths in specified type fonts. Specific ways transcripts are to be sent. And yes--don't forget you have to PAY them to do all this work yourself. $55-$100 a pop. Paid for with money that Dr. Yummy gited me for this purpose back in October, which feels a little awkward, and moreso with the whole crazy thing going on, but yeah. Anyway....

The most common question I get?
What's an MFA? or sometimes made into a statement:
"Oh, so you're getting your Maters degree?"

I figure it was worth dedicating a post to just so people will understand why my eyes are all twitchy and my hair looks like it's been pulled out of my head in large clumps...and I totally think it's worth it.

MFA stands for Master of Fine Arts. It's a terminal degree, like a PhD, but with a different end goal in mind. It's much more difficult to get into than a normal Master's program (I'll explain why in a bit).
An MFA graduate CAN become adjunct faculty at most universities--usually every one's favorite teachers who take keen interests in their student's lives, who work long hours with no benefits, occupy offices in the university janitor's closets, and eat handfuls of dry oatmeal for nourishment. But the end goal of the MFA is not teaching, but to produce writing yourself. MFA students are polished writers on the verge of blossoming careers, willing to dedicate their lives to the craft, and just needing a few years more of complete immersion under the tutelage of truly amazing writers to really fine-tune their voice.

Also--most MFA programs are funded. Which means, you're given a tuition waiver and often a stipend that comes from teaching or assisting in research. Basically, you are being paid to write for 2-3 years. That's why nearly every one of the hundreds of available, funded MFA programs receive 400-1,000 applicants a year and accept between 3 and 10.

Insanely, insanely competitive.

Even the ones that aren't funded, that you have to go another $35,000-$75,000 in debt for, but which have a killer line up of instructors (i.e. Pacific University, one I'm applying to) STILL are about as easy to get in to as running after a storm cloud trying to get hit by lightening.

It looks good to have *MFA* after your name when submitting stories or manuscripts. It's extremely helpful to get yourself worked into a publishing network that often these schools provide the first step towards. But, unlike last year when I thought I would DIE if I didn't get in--I've learned, by talking to a lot of talented writers over the year, that the MFA isn't necessarily the guidepost it once was. There are a lot of thriving writers' communities (like the one in the city where I live) that allow you consistent interaction with other high-caliber writers, and opportunities to keep writing, improving, and sending off for publication. Same as those fancy MFA-ers.

So--yeah. For now, I feel like I needed to give the MFA program one more concentrated, full speed run. It seems to me the best and fastest way to become the writer I want to be. But...if I don't get in, I'm pretty happy where I'm at now, too. I'm making a lot of progress, and actually getting PAID to write in two of my jobs. It might not be the literary short fiction or poetry I long to compose, but it's still working the same process of delivering a message, a story, in a unique and effective way.

That's it. That's why I'm allowing myself to ride this wave of mania a few more days before I get to sleep. For the glory of one golden CHANCE.

Now you know :)