it all started on easter... (a makeover story)

My brother and his wife were over for Easter dinner and remarked on the ever-worsening state of my hot tub cover. "Yeah, I know" I answered, "I'm not sure that I want to invest $500 to buy a new one when no one seems interested in getting in there anymore anyway. I think I'd like to get rid of the whole thing soon...."

Well--that's all it took. With one phone call, my sister-in-law had a friend of hers who refurbishes and sells stuff like that lined up to come haul off my hot tub the very next day. Bye-bye old hot tub!

Ready or not...it was time for a backyard makeover!!!

I had a $350 dollar budget and one Ninja to help me out. Score for me!--When they removed the hot tub, turns out there was a cement slab under it! So, now I would have use of two patios. It was going to take dismantling part of the existing deck and shoring up the other part to make it work thought. Here's the "during" photo.....

Nearly one solid week of work later and TA-DUM!!!..........

Looks pretty amazing if I do say so myself :) ! I added one $90 outdoor ottoman. Two $25 dollar outdoor chairs. A $70 outdoor umbrella. And a few outdoor cushions and pillows totalling $80. New pots, big glass candlesticks on clearance from Pier 1, screws, and some 2X4's took up the rest of the budget. The blue "Oh" chairs by Umbra were in my boys room and never used so they came to join the party. And I already owned the little outdoor table and the dining set so no money spent there.

When it was finally done, we celebrated with a barbecue and a fire in the fire pit. Aaaah....can't wait to enjoy many hours out here over the next three seasons!

I'm glad one comment on Easter propelled this project forward!

And just in case you don't think there was THAT much change....here's what the backyard looked like when I bought the house 3 1/2 years ago----

Yeah. It's come a long, long way, baby :).

friday fotos: life is grand!!!

Such a random, busy week! Seems like I had my camera with me a lot more than usual--a good thing for Friday Fotos! (at least I think so :) )

Here's what we've been up to this week....

Caught a neat picture of my tights and shoes. I'm sure y'all have always wanted to see a picture of my feet....


New sand in the sand box made my little guys super happy....

Z and E built an agility course for their gerbil. See the piece of Honeycomb cereal left as a reward at the end? The gerbil found it, took one bite of it, and immediately started chewing on the books trying to get out. It was fun to watch anyway :) ....

Z has shown an interest in photography lately. Here's one of the pictures he took. Not too bad for a 12 year old! ....

I've been interning with a Shakespeare after school program. I LOVE the kids and love the work and love that they let me take all the pictures! Wish I could show you some of the incredibly photogenic kids, but don't know that their parents would appreciate me sticking their faces up on my blog. Here's one of the scripts though....
Yay for straw bowls!...

And finally, it's good to know I've raised a child who doesn't let a cupcake go to waste--not even the crumbs...

And now to bed with me! My week of cleaning and remodeling has wiped me out indeed! Should have pictures of the outdoor project up next week. It's gorgeous if I do say so myself :).

And as always....~Happy Weekending!~

once upon a time there was an ungly laundry room...

It was functional, yes--but SOOOO ugly. I took the worst *before* picture I could to show you..... The mountains of clothes on the floor are actually clean--I often times just plow through as many loads as I can in a day and leave the folding after the kids are in bed when I can spread it all out and watch a movie. The walls had not been painted since 1988 (when the house was built)....well, except that you can see I STARTED painting them a little over 2 years ago. Ummm...I didn't get very far. And since I mostly just went into this room, used it, got out, and closed the door---I didn't feel a huge urgency to finish it. Still, this eyesore was visible from my living room and I decided in my Spring Cleaning frenzy to get it finished. Lucky for me, Green Eyes volunteered to come help move out the washer/dryer and be my painting buddy.



And here are the yummy, chocolatey-brown results.....



By day:





And by night:

How fabulous is my little crystal bedecked chandelier?!?! I know! I've been storing it in my garage for 3 1/2 years now. When Mom and Dad Peterson built a new house, I asked (begged) to have it out of their old one. It used to hang in their bedroom and I would lay my babies on their bed beneath it. The way the light would dance through the crystals mesmerized them. It held good memories, and I knew it would be an unexpected twist to find a pop of luxury in a laundry room :).

The 'curtains' you can see cover up all the tools and cleaning stuff I store on the shelves in there. They're actually made from two pillowcases hung with clip rings and strung up on a tension rod.

And here's the one wall that has anything hanging on it.....

The bird and house picture is a segment I cut out of a Pottery Barn bag from 2-3 years ago. The mirrored butterflies are from Umbra through Target. Love the girly feel they add! In a house full of boys, it's important for me to have a little girly :).

So now I get to wash dirty clothes in a posh space....and (bonus!) I get to leave the door open!

Now wait till you see what I did with this space..... COMING SOON :)

jennifer p.'s super ultimate spring cleaning chore checklist

Sorry about missing Friday Fotos .... I was a lottle busy! With the variety of activities and commitments I have going on lately--kids, homeschooling, church, my own schooling, internship, making writing deadlines, social life-- it was clear the one thing that was being given up to make all the other things possible was my poor, poor house. It got picked up daily (several times daily) but it was getting harder for me to do much more than that and fix it/ clean it projects seemed to be piling up. Being the minimalist I am, deep and regular purging is a must. I'm of the opinion that you use and appreciate everything more when you have less of it. I also find I am more creative, work better, and am just generally more happy when I have a nice, organized space to move about in. So, once a year I go through and do a deep cleaning and re-organizing. This year the boy squad spent from Wednesday at 4:30 to Sunday at 1 with their dad. It was the longest I'd ever been away from them and it wasn't easy but boy oh boy! did I ever keep myself busy!

Thought I'd share the Spring Cleaning chore list I use every year and over the next few days I'll share some fun before and after photos of projects I accomplished. If you haven't done it yet---throw open those windows to let a little fresh air in, crank up some good music, and CLEAN with me :) !

*STORAGE ORGANIZING (45-60 minutes a room--moving fast). This is a big one for me. I do every drawer, closet, and plastic storage bin in my house. I shake out all the items and either keep, throw away, or put them in a "donate" bag, wipe out the interior of the drawer or cupboard, and put what I've chosen to keep back in. You'd be surprised how much junk you've got just laying around :).

*MATTRESS FLIPPING (8 minutes a mattress) Strip all the sheets, throw them in the washer, and flip your mattress. If it's a non-flip kind, at least rotate it.

*CLOTHING SORT (45 minutes per closet) If you haven't worn it in a year or it doesn't fit---donate it! Rotate in your lighter clothes and move winter stuff to the back or to storage.

*KIDS STUFF (90 minutes) Be ruthless! Collect toys, games, equipment, etc that are no longer used or are broken and throw them away or put them in a bin to be donated. Give everything a quick wipe down and replace any batteries that need it. Gather small toy pieces in clear plastic bins and put as much within kid reach as possible My kids don't miss what I give away at all!

*PAPERWORK REVIEW AND TOSS (90 minutes) Check insurance policies and the like, toss what you don't need, file or scan the rest. Hopefully you already have a working file system. If not--this one might take longer, but you'll be happy you did it when you know where everything is!

*MIRRORS AND WINDOWS (5 minutes per surface). They're just going to get dirty again, so don't kill yourself with this! Give them a quick wipe down. Plan to at least clean the exterior ones a little better when summer sun can help dry.

*WASHING THAT STUFF THAT NEVER GETS WASHED :) (about 6 loads of laundry--time varies) Wash pillows, mattress and duvet covers, blankets, dust ruffles, bath mats...anything that you can throw in a washer--throw it in there!

*LIGHTS (30 minutes) Take down your fixtures and wash the dead bugs out of them already. Oh yeah--and the blades of your ceiling fan probably have an inch of dust on them--just so ya know :)

*OVEN CLEANING (time varies) Hopefully you can just throw on the automatic oven cleaner and call it done. Do it before it gets too hot outside. You won't want to be creating that much extra heat then!

*STOVE AND FRIDGE (60 minutes) Pull them out and see what kind of treasures you find under there! Vacuum, mop and move them back. Take everything out of your fridge, throw out all the old stuff, wipe all the surfaces down (or do what I do and remove the shelves and drawers and clean them at the sink), put it all back together. The angels will sing when you open the door to your immaculate fridge :)

*UPHOLSTERY AND RUG CLEANING---You COULD take the 3 hours to rent a machine and do it yourself, or be like me and just bite the hundred or so dollar bullet to have it professionally done. They'll always do better than you can do anyway :)

*WINDOW COVERINGS (15 minutes per window) Yes you!...dust those blinds already! This is one I pay my kids to do for me.

There ya go! Are you tired just reading it? I promise you can knock it all out in 1-3 days and the results will last nearly a year. Happy Cleaning!

becoming a bounce back person

So it hasn't been a big mystery that I've been on a bit of an emotional roller coaster this past month! Whether I wanted it to or not-- the period of time leading up to and then finally passing the April 1st two year anniversary of my separation--most certainly took its toll. It's a daily decision for me to still continue to go on in life with hope and joy...and I admit that some days I make up my mind to do it better than others. Still, at the core of me is this attitude that things are not just as I'd like them to be right now. My married life was very fulfilling and I feel the sadness and absence of the loss. But I trust that I am not alone in this trial and that God CAN and WILL make something great of all of this. He's going to get me to where I need to be! When I focus on those hopeful feelings, they usually do a great job of swallowing up the fear and despair. Here are a few other things I try and train my mind to think about on a daily basis to keep me heading in the right direction:

*"Every day may not be good, but there is something good in every day". I attempt to start off each morning by looking forward to something in my day. It might be big-- like the start of a vacation, or small --like a hug from one of my boys. But there is good to be had on a daily basis and I try always to actively search it out.

*"Never give up, You're closer than you think". In my darkest times when I've contemplated just giving up in some way or another--I think how I would feel if I were given access to a kind of map of my life. What if I truly did give up only to be shown how close I was if I'd just. kept. going? How could I do that to myself? The journey may seem long for now, but I think it's actually a lot like when I go running-- it's always those middle miles that feel the hardest--the last ones actually go fairly quickly and before I know it I'm "there".

*Surround yourself with positive friends: I don't ever want to entomb myself with only people who sugar coat the truth. I like a little rough honesty and constructive criticism from time to time. I like a little variety in my friends But I do recognize my need to limit my exposure to those types of people who would drag me down. If I'm going to be nurtured, I need to make sure I'm not hanging out in bad soil!

*"It builds character" AKA "that which does not kill me can only make me stronger". This one I have to say with a lot of laughter because, let's face it, growth can hurt! I recognize, however, that the hard times--now and in the past-- have actually brought out the best in me. Though I do wish sometimes to go back and reclaim parts of me that existed pre-divorce, I know my trials have given me a type of inner strength I didn't have before and that, if I let Him, God can make me into *one cool chick* because of what I've been through.

Hope you're looking for ways to be a bounce back kind of person today. Don't just endure but enjoy the journey along the way !

*I know I took the term "bounce back person" from Joel Osteen. If any of the other ideas are his--I'll give him credit! They've just become such a part of me that I don't know what is from me and what I borrowed any more :)

friday fotos: spring has sprung!

Lots of things to make us happy around here during this season change. Here's what we've been up to this week....

It was a joyous occasion at the Peterson household the day the giant gummi bears arrived! The boys had asked for these for WEEKS! Remember these are only the "giant" size and not the "world's largest" size, but you can see the difference in size between them and the regular gummi bear (who looks like it's afraid for it's life with the giant, bitten-ear bear towering over it! :) )....
Little J putting on his "game face" ....

My L turned 6! Unbelievable! He is such a sweetie pie--full of energy and humor while still a little on the shy side. He has been such a blessing to me and his brothers and none of us could imagine life without him!

Getting ready for Easter....

L and J jumping on the trampoline with a "smattering" of their Webkinz. They take one or more of those things EVERYWHERE!

Now I'm off to work on a few of my Spring projects: sending poetry out for publication, builiding bookshelves, and finding a way to furnish the new outdoor living space I recently gained when I had my hot tub removed and (bonus!) discovered there was a cement slab under it!

May you have a blessed Easter and soak in the Hope of the season. There is perfect comfort and understanding available for every pain or disappointment or sorrow in life because Jesus Christ has taken it all--and our sins--upon Himself and overcome it. This I know for sure.

~Happy Weekending! and Happy Easter!~

funny how life sometimes imitates art, or the other way around....

Here is the link for my super-talented friend Daryn Tuft's new movie starring (amongst others) Alyssa Milano and Christoper Gorham. I wish I could embed it but I can't. Just go there and click "watch trailer" -- the pink button on the right. I think you might find the storyline a wee bit, um, familiar.

http://www.mygirlfriendsboyfriend.com/

Make sure to go see it when it comes out in theaters too! I'll let you know when there's an official release date :).

friday fotos--my life seems to involve wearing a lot of costumes lately

I like a good reason to dress up! Don't you? Here's what we've been up to this week....

When I was in California two weeks ago, I got to go to the midnight premier of Alice in Wonderland. I couldn't find a way to shove the Queen of Hearts outfit into my suitcase--but glad I got to hang out with people who DID dress up! That's Haute Cakes next to me (I'm in the gray shirt and black sweater) dressed up like a rabbit. The rest of the people were his fun friends, and a few other people from the audience who just wanted to be in our picture :)


Nothing like bonding with your friends by shooting them! This was after our three hour indoor paintball game. I did more hiding than shooting this time--but someone did manage to hit me right in my butt at some point!

It was Ninja's 27th birthday! I threw him a neon-themed blacklight party. I'm sure my neighbors often wonder what the heck is going on at my house, but had to ESPECIALLY wonder the night they drove by and saw this in my window.....

Soooo much fun! I haven't danced like a crazy maniac to techno music since I was a teenager! So grateful I have such a fun group of friends!

And of course a Ninja needed an appropriate birthday cake.... :)

I've been working through my university to help produce a production of Shakespeare's The Tempest with 4th-6th graders at a low-income school. My main job is photographing our practices and typing up our blog (hmmm....wonder how I got THAT job?!) I won't put up pictures of the kids, but I thought this photo of "the bum line" was pretty funny :)

And just another little picture taken at the school we're working at. This brings back such memories of playground days! I loved the click-clack of those beaded jump ropes.

Hope life soon gives you an occasion to dress up! And ~Happy Weekending!~

good bye sweet, sweet money

To start out, I just wanted to say thank you for your kind comments and letters after my last post. I'm happy to know that I'm not the only one that goes through periods of discouragement and hopelessness. What a blessing to have a forum where we can "be there" for one another during those times. The day after I published that last post, I woke up feeling like a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Nothing about my situation had changed significantly but I felt like at least a portion of that 'protective bubble' had been restored. I continue to take things one day at a time--not being complacent, but not worrying so much that somehow what I do or don't do is going to "ruin everything". It feels much better to not beat myself up and focus instead on filling my heart with trust.

Well....I'm sure there's a lot of blogging going on about the health care bill that passed over the weekend. Can't say as I'm too thrilled about it. I'm a big believer in having as much choice as possible within a moral framework, but I guess what REALLY irks me right now about our government is how much money I just found out they want from me in taxes this year. Oh. my. stars! Being single and paying taxes SUCKS!!!

Like the certainty of death, I can't change the fact that I'm going to HAVE to pay all this stinking money--so I figured I would at least memoralize what I would have done with the money that is now going to pay for *heaven knows what. *

I'm calling it my Buh-Bye list:

Buh-Bye finding some type of fun roadster to restore......

Buh Bye breast lift.... (yeah, I'm bold enough to say I'd spend money on that if I had it!)

Buh-Bye Bathroom Remodel....

Buh-Bye new roof or windows or furnace and A/C (all which are on the verge of needing replacing in my 22 year old home!).....

Buh-Bye first year of Grad School.....

Buh-Bye family vacation, lump sum to kids college fund, or outdoor fireplace.

--------HUGE SIGH----------

I hope my chunk of change is going straight to the military, because if I'm the one who ends up paying for some jerk face White house aid to fly first class to Paris or whatever, I will NOT be a happy camper.

There ya go! There's my Tuesday Tempertantrum! Anything YOU feel like throwing a bit of a fit over today? Let it out!

...but with joy, wend your way

Have you ever had one of the months/weeks/ days where everything was going along fine--or at least "normal" -- and then, out of the blue, you feel some horrific type of dread and sadness just grip your heart? And though you do everything in your power that you know how to make it go away or replace it, the feeling hangs on for all its worth for as long as it can?

That's how I've felt for at least the last 5 days. I'm in this dark place and I'm not sure how I got here....nor how to get out. I'm hoping I can just chalk it up to some kind of temporary hormone imbalance, or exhaustion, or over scheduling -- a thing that will pass. More than those causes though, I'm pretty sure it's because "the mark" is looming awfully close. The two year mark.

Two years since the separation that would eventually lead to my divorce. Two years since my safe, peaceful world got turned on its head. I don't want to blame that event anymore nor let it hold any more power over me than it should----but I'm just not sure how to go about getting out of it's brick fist.

It seems that for the longest time I was sustained in a type of bubble--insulated from the full weight of my situation. I spent the majority of the first 16 months of being single feeling like Superwoman. I was full of all kinds of optimism about what my future would hold. I was able to accomplish everything put on my plate and then some. I could live on little to no sleep. I had no fear for my children, and pockets and pockets full of great expectations. Things weren't easy all the time, I still had my struggles ...but they were easy more often than not.

Over the course of the last nearly 8 months, I've slowly felt that bubble dissolving. I feel more confused than ever about what it is my future is supposed to look like. I feel like fewer and fewer opportunities are being presented to me. My days are stretched to the point where I'm certain that if I'm asked to do even one more tiny thing, I'm going to break. I feel constantly exhausted and slightly sick, and forever on the verge of being out of control in some aspect of my life or another. My kids seem to spend more time being grumpy and dissatisfied, and my time with them isn't the quality time it used to be. I go around forever second guessing myself and my ability to make decisions. And sadly, I feel distrustful of others waaaay more than I should.

It's scary. It doesn't feel like "me" anymore.

I knew I would reach a point like this eventually. A point where God would have to back away a little and let me struggle a bit so I could again extend in my reaching toward Him and grow--but I don't feel ready yet. I feel inadequate and weak. Even a little angry at the fact that Brad seems so settled and even happy in his "new life".

Refining hurts. Growth hurts. Being alone hurts. It would appear that God isn't ready to remove me from this situation at this time. In fact, I'm starting to slowly accept that I may never fully be delivered from the chaos and sadness and maze of voids that this divorce has created. But I will not lose hope that there is joy for me still to discover on this journey. Like Paul, I long to feel "...troubled on every side, yet not distressed; perplexed but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed." (2 Corinthians 4:8-9).

I know I am nothing of myself. I am not clever or capable or strong. Only through the help of my Savior am I able to do what I do and be what I am now...and what I hope to become. I know of a surety that, though I am pushed right to the edge, I will not be pushed over it. That I will be given all the peace, patience, inspiration, ability, opportunities, and help that I need to press forward. That the right people will be placed in my life at the right time. And while my hope is centered in the blessings that will certainly await me at the end of my mortal journey, I hope that maybe, just maybe, even in this life I will be delivered.

the further wages of honesty...

Look who I got to pick up today..... Blake's (who turned out to be a boy, not a girl---and who was also named "Mac", but we're going with Blake) owners didn't respond to the many attempts the Humane Society made to get in contact with them--so they called me on Saturday and let me know I could come get him.

The boy squad was thrilled.

I'm a little thrilled, too.

:)

Just thought you'd like an update. Now--if only other aspects of my life would clear themselves up that quickly and easily.....

friday fortos: california, etc.

It was a great extended weekend in California. So good to see Haute Cakes and his family again. And I'm still of the belief that Orange County is truly a piece of Heaven on Earth!

Most of the activities we attended happened at night--in dark, crowded places (like watching my blog friend Jon with his band!) so I didn't get to take as many pictures as I'd have liked but I did have one fun afternoon of taking pictures out the window as we drove :). Here's what I came up with.....

----

Aaaaah Sprinkles Cupcakes!: One day when I don't care about maintaining a "girlish figure" anymore, I will sample every one of the delicious concoctions you have to offer....numerous times. As for this visit, I had to make do with one dark chocolate piece of deliciousness.

Rain cleared out all the smog and gave us a gorgeous view....

Fashion Island: Where the rich people go to shop, and the young people go to play in the off-limits fountains :) ....

Hadn't got to take a good "Haute Cakes Driving" picture in 7 months..... (I'm sure he'll say "forgive the abundance of facial hair-- it was moustache March!")

Ferrari. Sweet, sweet Ferrari. What a beautiful automobile. In all my visits, I think I have seen about 12 cars older than 2001.

Finally, not California related, but one I wanted to put up: A picture of E working on his Cub Scout Blue and Gold Banquet cake. The theme was "100 Years of Scouting", so he (*cough* I *cough) made a cake in the shape of 100 which he decorated with 100 peanut butter m&m's. 'Twas yummy :) !

And that's what we've been up to!

~Happy Weekending!~

p-a-s-s-i-o-n

HELLLLO again Mama Kat's Writers Workshop Crowd! I haven't participated in about **a billion years** but that doesn't mean I didn't at least THINK about it every Wednesday night! Good to be back!

I loved this prompt: "Tell Us 5 Things You're Most Passionate About". Aaaahhh...PASSION. Such an amazing word. Life can be overflowing with love, but if it doesn't have passion---it's like steak with no sizzle.

Cutting to the chase...Here are 5 things I can identify feeling passionately about at 12:23 am (and FYI...I'm really tempted to make SLEEP one of them :) ).

1. GOD. Yup. I'm one of 'those people'. But it's true. More than anything in life, I am passionate about my God and my Faith. He and I go through periods where I'm questioning Him more than trusting in Him--but through the feast and through the famine, I KNOW I can trust my Heavenly Father. Everything I am and hope to be is because I choose daily to turn my life over to One who knows me better than I know myself.

2. MY KIDS. Sounding stereotypical blog mom yet :)? But again...sooo true. My four boys are the light and joy of my life and I count myself lucky every day I wake up to them--be it laughing or crying. They have taught me more in my 12 years of parenting than I could have learned reading all the books in the library. In them I see my sacrifices made into beauty and all that is good about this world. And they're cute as buttons to boot.

3. WRITING. This one is a close third. Just look a few blog posts down to see how I feel about it. Whether or not I can make a go of getting this passion to pay, I can't see my life without writing of some kind in it.

4. BEAUTIFUL THINGS. My mom used to say I had "champagne taste with a beer budget". Funny since Mom never drank...but the analogy stuck with me. Everything I crave from furniture, to interior finishes (mmmm....Travertine and Ann Sacks tile), fashion, shoes, vacations, electronics, and art tends to be on the spendy side. I don't part easily with my money, so I've become a pretty skilled bargain hunter. But who am I kidding....IF I had the dough, I'd so plunk it down for a pair of new Louboutins instead of checking ebay for whatever some rich woman is casting off.

5. LIFE. Every day I try to throw my arms around it. Try to learn or appreciate or recognize something new--be it the name of a flower or how to break dance (that's the next thing on my list of "stuff to learn"), I think life--whatever condition you're in-- is never meant to be endured but enjoyed.

And that's all I've got to say about that :) What are YOU feeling passionately about today?

the wages of honesty...

Before I had kids, I had a cat.....

His name was Friedric--named after one of the VonTrapp boys from The Sound of Music. I hand-picked him from a litter of farm kittens to keep me company during the first few difficult months when, as a newly married couple, my husband and I had moved to a rural town. Because I didn't really know anyone, didn't know how to find my way around, had a spouse who worked 18 hour days, and lived in a house that didn't have TV--it was pretty much just me, the cat, Tetris, and 'The Best of the Beatles' CD until I started Design school and found a job.

---

I have never been one of those animal lovers who looks at their pets as being on equal standing with their children--a belief further cemented when I actually started having children--but I do believe in commitment. If you agree to take on the responsibility of an animal, you commit to it: To seeing that they are properly fed, given good medical care (including and especially seeing that they're spayed or neutered), have warm/cool shelter, and are given a reasonable amount of attention and affection. You don't abandon them or give them away on a whim. If there are behavioral issues, you do all you can to educate yourself on how to correct them, and stick with it until the animal learns. That's the way I treated my Friedric. He was a good, loyal friend to me and to all four of my boys. At 13 years old, his urinary tract crystallized and his kidneys started to shut down. This was a condition I'd saved him from (at a pretty hefty cost) twice already--once at 4 years and again at 7. I had fed him special low-magnesium food to try and prevent the condition from re-occurring, but his poor body was just getting old. I took him to the vet who said he COULD probably save Friedric again with several days of IV's and care (and $1200), but that it would really only be to prolong his life for another year at the most. Sadly, I chose to have him put to sleep.

---

I feel like I never really got to mourn his passing properly because of this ... but his absence was certainly felt by the boys and I.

---

My two oldest started bothering me for a pet again about a year ago, and I bought them gerbils. They've been thrilled with them. Then, about ten days ago, this girl shows up in our backyard:

Since we don't have any pets, our home seems to be a hangout for all the local cats and dogs battling for a little extra turf, so I wasn't surprised to see a strange cat walking around. We pet her for a while and then went about our business. In the morning, she was still there. And that night. And the next morning. And so on. I kept waiting for her to go back to wherever she came from, but she'd seemed to claim us. My 12 year old named her "Blake" -- a mixture of the words black and gray. She was very sweet and I found myself growing as attached to her as my kids were.

---

But....honesty gnaws at a person like me who believes in it. I had to make sure she didn't belong to anyone else. So, today I loaded up my 5 and 3 year old boys, put Blake in Friedric's old carrier, and headed for the Humane Society. There, they could scan her for a microchip and file a "found cat" report. Sure enough...she was chipped. They phoned the owner and left a message. However, because she WAS owned by someone, they had to keep her for a week to see if she would be claimed. Which meant...yup....that cat that COULD have been mine for free if I'd just cared a little less about being honest, now has the possibility of being mine in a week....for $50 dollars. My 5 year old was bawling as we left without the cat and with me trying to explain to him how really, really we did the right thing.

-

Sigh.

-

The wages of honesty. You'd think you'd get rewarded for it--but often times it bites you. Ah well....Throw a few more blessings onto that pile awaiting me in Heaven one day, right? :)

---

Whether or not we get to keep Blake, I have a feeling we'll be coming home with a cat of some kind next week....

thanks...and i'm outta here

Thank you to all of you who commented on my last post. Nothing that was said was mean, but it wasn't all sunshiney stuff either--JUST THE WAY I LIKE IT :) ! I really do value kind yet constructive criticism. You gave me a lot to consider, and consider I will. Grateful that I have until the end of summer to make any huge decisions.

Now forgive me for not having any more posts this week--going to visit my good friend Haute Cakes for a weekend of fun and sun. I'm sure some of the photos will make next week's Friday Fotos.

Now here's a little inspiration for you courtesy of Lula:
Happy Weekending in advance,
~Jennifer P.

trying to follow my heart

Believe it or not...this actually isn't a post about the men in my life. Sorry for those of you who thought it might be :). Nope--this one is about my first love: writing. And about what I'm going to do with it at this point.

I wrote my first book entitled My Cats in the first grade. I won the Young Authors competition for it. I won for the book I wrote the next year too, and the year after that, and every year till I graduated elementary school in the 5th grade. Through middle school, high school, and junior college--I was always the one singled out in English classes for my talent. I felt validated by this ability that seemed to come so effortlessly to me. I actively wrote and published poetry in periodicals until 2001 when I gave it up to homeschool my kids and pursue my interior design business. Not that I wasn't still writing in my head--constantly even--but my life seemed to be too busy and, frankly, too mundane to inspire me the way it used to. There was very little conflict--just a lot of schedules and blessed, happy peace. Of course I was thrilled to discover the blog world. Mundane, humorous parenting and house projects were the **stuff of blogging** and I loved having a little built-in audience to share in my journey.

Then my life got not so mundane anymore when my blessed, happy peace rode out the front door on my ex-husbands heels. Suddenly writing became not just fun for me anymore...but survival. An outlet to sort out all the crushing emotions and fears I was facing.

After a lot of prayer, I decided to go back and finish my final year of school to get my degree in English with a Writing emphasis. I knew I wanted to continue to stay at home and parent my boys as much as I could, and I thought finding a way to use my writing to make money would be a great way to go about accomplishing that goal.

The first thing I re-discovered as a returning student was my love for writing Poetry. Not that I wanted to make a living off of poetry (no one but Billy Collins does that), but I have always believed that if you could master the condensed art of writing a poem, you could write a hundred novels. I finally found a valued professor turned friend who was willing to not just read and grade my work but really point me in a useful direction. He told me to take 6 months and write a cohesive poetry manuscript. Which I did. It's still only 2/3 of the way done, but I have continued to work on and steadily revise the manuscript, finally having enough done to turn over to said professor for a first editing. I was pretty pleased with what I'd produced.I got it back last week.

What was left of it, that is.

There was a LOT of scribbling.

He said he loved my work. He said I wrote beautifully. He said I was amazing at coming up with endings. BUT...he said my ability to write was ruining my Poetry. It was too narrative. Not gritty enough. It was good...but probably not good enough yet. I held my half years worth of scribbled-on poems in my hands and just tried to catch my breath.

It was only one man's opinion, right? It probably didn't matter that he'd had a few poetry books and movie scripts of his own published, right? If it was something I was serious about, I should either learn to do better--somehow, or just push the critique behind me and see what the next person says, right? RIGHT?! Yeah...I don't know either. I have invested so much time and money into this endeavour to do something ~more~ with my writing than blog. My heart is in the written word-- like a calling I can't escape from. But maybe I really am more cut out to write technical manuals or work behind a desk? It's not too late to change majors. I DO have a family to think of that will need me to support them within the next three years...

Do I go with my heart on this one? Or do I trust a valued opinion? Maybe this is one of those pivotal life decisions I should leave to all of you to make for me, that way I can blame y'all when it goes up in smoke :).

I'll take whatever I can get in the form of comments...and be harsh if you need to be. I'm a little more calloused now than I was a week ago--and I think I can take it.