i'm NOT getting married!

Not as in never, ever, ever (at least that's not the permanent plan) just not right now.

No this...

 Or this....

Or this...

Or this...

 

Not even this (thank goodness!)....

Several of my good friends have gotten engaged lately though. Ones who came into our church singles group about the same time I did. Including this girl whose guts I love and who found the most perfect ever guy for her. Even their names sound cute together!

And ya know what? I'm ok with all this engagement stuff! Better than ok!

I know people who have gone through divorces who refuse to attend weddings. People who have lost loved ones who refuse to go to funerals. People who want babies who refuse to go to baby showers. I can't judge anyone for what they do or don't do in those types of situations--we can all become servants to our emotions from time to time--I just know that's not me. I am genuinely happy--vicariously giddy even--about others' successes. Even if it's something I want but don't have, how can I not share in the joy? Among other reasons, wouldn't I want others to be just as happy for me when (or if) it's my turn?

Though I have my times of feeling discouraged or jaded or impatient, I am still certain that love is a splendid thing. I have every faith in the world that two people can fall in love and, with continuous dedication and work, make it last forever and ever. What a blessed thing to find someone you can take advantage of--not in a cruel way, but to know without a doubt that when you have a bad day, or a bad week, or even a bad stretch of months when you're just not being your best self, you have someone standing beside you, trusting  that you'll pull out of it alright because they know you and know your heart.

So, right now while my goal is just to get through school (and possibly more school) and figure out how to support my kiddos and myself --hopefully doing something I enjoy, I am so grateful for the chance to be sharing in any way I can, in the joy of love.

And to indulge just a bit in Google wedding searches :) ...

Congratulations my Friends! May you both live as long as you want, And never want as long as you live.

top 10 things i did while my computer was being eaten alive by viruses and therefore rendered useless

10. Finally kicked my camping curse! Pictures to come on Friday.

9. Got a student loan. Not as good as pell grants, but counting it as a happy blessing because it was NOT easy to get this late in the game.

8. Had my lawnmower catch on fire while I was using it! Hooray for the fire extinguisher I bought for my son to pass a boy scout challenge off. Hooray for adventure. And hooray for that student loan to help pay for books so book money can buy a new lawnmower.

7. In addition to my Design Star obsession, I've taken on watching my first season of Project Runway. Luv it! So grateful for computers that let me watch this stuff without paying for TV. And grateful that I now know what a poledancer in Dubai looks like and that I should never dress like one.

6. Sent two of my four boys off to school. We won't say much more than this because it will make me start to cry and then my typing gets all oieru*ifadfe290 (that means bad)

5. I don't know if I should be proud or ashamed to say that in one glorious day of vacation I ate Cookie Crisp cereal, marshmallow circus peanuts, mongolian bbq, marshmallow circus peanuts, fresh kettle korn, a snowcone, corn on the cob, marshmallow circus peanuts, bbq chicken, a Kahlua brownie, and...oh yeah, marshmallow circus peanuts. Hello gym. I will be seeing more of you this week.

4. I let my 4 year old go to the neighbors house to run through the sprinkler and he came back an hour later with some little boy I'd never seen before. When I asked the new boy where he came from he said "I come from the future". Mmmm...ok.

3. In my valiant attempt to stave off that nasty voice that keeps telling me I suck as a writer, I sent off one of my stories to three different publications. I'll let them tell me I suck :).

2. Followed a woman around the grocery store today who, from the back, looked identical to my mother--just because it made me feel happy to think she might turn around and it would actually be my mom. I'm sorry if I creeped you out, grocery store lady. Thanks for giving me a little smile.

AND...

1. I totally learned my lesson that if you let your virus protection (unknowingly) expire for 7 months....it's not good. Thank goodness I know a Ninja who's as handy with computers as he is with swords.

That's all I got people. I'm saving all the exciting, interesting stuff for after y'all get your kids back to school and can get back to doing the important stuff (like reading blogs) uninterrupted. :).

What was the highlight of your summer so far?

things we carry alone

I have a friend who's gone to jail recently. He's not a bad man--in fact, if you met him, you'd never think he'd be where he is. He's funny, gentle, soft spoken, and pretty easy on the eyes to boot. He was just given a rather rough deal in life from birth and--though I believe we're all still responsible for ourselves and can't blame our actions on any one or any thing--this friend just made some poor choices. Choices we could all potentially make. No drugs or alcohol or violence--just bad choices with money. In fact, I firmly believe that all of us are only a few bad choices or honest misunderstandings from being in jail. Think about it.

Anyway, I've never been to jail before. Especially not in the incarcerated myself way--but also never in the "just visiting" way. I thought I could just go in and see my friend. Bring him a measure of comfort and humor. See how he's doing. But apparently you can't just walk into the jail and visit. There's a process you have to go through of registering and then conforming to certain hours on certain days. Inmates can also only have one visit a week and you never know if they've been visited or not, so you have to just take your chances and go in.

I've thought of my friend a lot over this last week that he's been there. He went in for sentencing, thinking that he had a good chance of being let off with only probation. But instead--he was whisked off without warning to serve a month before his formal sentencing. He didn't have time to really say good bye to anyone or make any real preparations. He was just suddenly very, very alone in a very, very scary and unfamiliar place.

I think about the weight of carrying such a thing completely alone. No hand to hold. No comforting voice. No friends.

Alone.

Now, those of us who have a firm belief in Jesus Christ know we're never really alone. In fact, we know that He who descended below all things can show us the way back up. But still--how many of even you faithful ones have ever gone through a situation where you needed more than just an eternal assurance that things would be "ok" in a way you might not understand and in a time that could be very far away? How many of you have ever just wanted a pair of real, stable arms to wrap around you? Wanted someone who had some real answers, and a means to help you, to give you those things? Tangible things? I'm guessing there's a lot of yes-ing. I hope there are. I don't want to be the only one nodding here....

There's not a lot I can do to help my friend in jail right now. I will keep trying to go visit him. I will pray for him. But--in a real, physical sense--I can't ease that loneliness. I can't get to him.

But I can get to others.

And I plan to.

I feel like there are a lot of things I am carrying alone right now. And I have prayed for answers and help and deliverance and a myriad of other things that seem good and worthy. Right now, I'm told just to wait and be patient. And it's a hard feeling. Sickeningly frantic at times. But I know I can lessen that feeling and help ease the stress of waiting by reaching out to others. Even to those whom I perceive to be in a better situation than I am might need help that only I can give.

So I'm off to see who I can serve today and every day, and hopefully to find myself...by losing myself.

Hope you consider doing the same. :)

funny how life sometimes imitates art, or the other way around....

Here is the link for my super-talented friend Daryn Tuft's new movie starring (amongst others) Alyssa Milano and Christoper Gorham. I wish I could embed it but I can't. Just go there and click "watch trailer" -- the pink button on the right. I think you might find the storyline a wee bit, um, familiar.

http://www.mygirlfriendsboyfriend.com/

Make sure to go see it when it comes out in theaters too! I'll let you know when there's an official release date :).

black leather and hooker boots, aka: what it felt like to be a superhero for a day

I love, love, loved Halloween this year!!! In years past, I've been Mary Poppins, a witch, and a disco clown. This year I wanted to try channeling someone different. Like her.....





This is Scarlet from GI Joe. The store was fresh out of neoprene rubber suits with giant boob cups, but I did own a lot of black leather, and a red wig.......





In fact, I would like to have this wig surgically attached to my head forever, please. I could not get enough of being a red head! At one point, before going to a Halloween dance on the 30th, I had to run some errands---in my costume. I blended right in at Wal*Mart with all those other run-of-the-mill, bargain-hunting superhero types.

Here I am practicing a little hand to hand combat maneuver I learned in the Army.....

And done up with all my weaponry...

The dance was soooo much fun too! Everyone put a lot of effort into their costumes for sure. Here's me giving a little love to my Ninja friend who set me up with the sword and dog tags....I think it's safe for him to claim me as his 'creation'.

And here are more sweet friends keeping me company when I had to sit down, because really--4 inch heeled boots (aka "hooker boots" as one friend so affectionately called them) are NOT meant for boogie-ing in for hours on end!

And that was that!

Kid Halloween pictures coming with Friday Fotos! But for now, I think I'll go slip into my leather and my wig and go see who needs some saving :) .....

YO JOE!

this is what it means to be a grown up

Have I mentioned before that I love my friends? Seriously--we have SO much fun together!







Here we are at Wal*Mart the other night....

What is wrong with a grown man trying on pink backpacks while another grown man pushes a grown woman in a shopping cart? I don't think there's a single thing wrong with it.

Nor do I think it's all out of the ordinary to talk another one of your friends into putting a big bra on her head...

But in the midst of our fun, I heard some lady comment to her daughter "you'd never guess they were grown-ups..." I think she may have even clicked her tongue and rolled her eyes. And you know what--





It hurt....at first. We were not being disruptive or destructive in any way. We were laughing, but not obnoxiously loud. I think that lady may just have been***** jealous*****. Yup. Of course, 18 months ago, I probably would have observed a group like ours and made a similar comment. I may even have accused them of being drunk.





But one of the only good things to come out of my divorce was that I found myself again. Please don't take that in the wrong context--I don't want ANY of you to get divorced to go "find yourself".

In my case, though, I remembered how fun it was to just let go and be spontaneous. I've always been like that---but certainly never in public. My rather goofy side was reserved for family and close friends only. Now--well, I'm going to enjoy every minute I can (within a righteous context, of course--I'm not going to go rob a bank because I'd enjoy the money I got or anything like that). BUT....

If I want to dance with my kids in the middle of a parking lot, I do it. If I want to sing Blake Lewis songs really loudly and really horribly in the car with the window down, I do it. If I want to eat a bag of marshmallow circus peanuts for breakfast, I do it. And if I want to drive down the road wearing a luchador mask.....

I do that too.

And I must reeeeeally want to make my point if I put this picture of myself out in blogland!: Let go and be a little silly today. And ignore the tongue-clicking ladies who just. don't. get . it.

my exciting news

I promised you some exciting news, right? I also gave the caveat that it was exciting "TO ME" kind of news.... :)



But I am really excited.........



I love, love, LOVE when people get stuff they want. When people get a new car or a new job or a new home--whatever it is that they've wanted for some time, worked for, and then gotten. It's a beautiful thing and I share in every "get stuff" celebration that I can.



That being said--my professor/editor/ friend (whom I've mentioned in here before) is finally getting his thing. The movie he wrote and starred in is done......almost. They're down to needing their final $15,000 for editing.



And it's a funny thing--my support of this movie, I mean. For the most part, I'm a straight-laced, right-winged, country-lovin', God-fearin' kinda girl. ***This movie is about a vet with post-traumatic stress disorder who believes he's being pinned as a terrorist.*** And yet, I am such a believer in the beauty of the combined word and cinematic style that is "Person Of Interest". Of the voice it gives a very real population. It is, essentially, poetry on screen. I put my money where my mouth was and donated to see this film completed.



So, now I'd ask that you PLEASE take 3 minutes and 9 seconds, have a look at the trailer and see what it's all about....if nothing else, at least watch J. Reuben without his shirt on being the cutie-patootie he is :). And maybe, if you're feeling generous, donate a bit. It's linked to Pay Pal, and even $1 would be genius--I promise.



Thanks ladies! I hope you all get 'stuff' soon so I can celebrate with you too :) Happy Monday to ya!

i've been shot in the head

Any of you who have read my blog for a while will know that I LOVE to have new experiences! As a writer, I am always seeking out opportunities to get out of my comfort zone and learn something new. So, when I meet a person who has "a thing" they like to do....I somehow manage to convince them to teach me about it.

This is my buddy from our church group. We'll call him..... "The Ninja"..... His "thing" is paintballing.

After months of pleading and several large cash transactions, I finally talked him into taking me.

Am I not looking especially **hot** in this tri-colored camo? (and I'm attempting to flex my muscles, although I realize it resembles me having a stomach cramp)


The Ninja let me shoot at trees and water bottles for a while until I got the hang of it...and then the battle began.....

You'll have to trust me that this is me behind the scary robot mask. My hands give me away....

2.3 minutes into our game, the Ninja (claiming it a total accident--whatever) shoots me..........with a pink paintball..........in my head. Yes...MY HEAD!!! All I could think about was: If this was a war, and the paintballs were bullets, I would be really, really, really, really dead right now.

Feeling guilty, the Ninja said he would give me a chance to shoot at him. I guess his plan was to walk a considerable distance away from me, then turn around and tell me to shoot. But, I didn't get that memo. Instead I waited till he was about 12 feet away....

and then I may or may not have ACCIDENTALLY--------------- shot him in the neck.

Because that's the way I roll with my slippery trigger finger.

I'd like to think he'll fondly remember his friend Jennifer P. every time he looks at the scar....

Do you believe me when I say I feel really, really, really, really bad? Or should I just say that's what he deserves for shooting a girl in the head....even if she asks for it? :)

What new experience do you have planned for today?

i'm not a violent person, but....

one of these days I swear I'm going to track cancer down, stand on its throat, and totally kick the crap out of it with my early 90's steel-toed boots.

It's making its dirty rounds around here again, taking friends and parents of friends.

I feel like the experience I went through losing my mom to it is made a little more bearable when I take what I've learned and help others. So, that's where I am and what I'm doing.

I'll be back in a day or two.

And if you happen to see cancer--you better tell it to watch its back. There's a very angry mother in boots coming after it.

who calls shotgun?

How flipping GORGEOUS is this car? I've always been a British roadster kind of girl (Healey's are the best!), but last week I was casually driving my mini-van home from running errands (la la la la la), when I nearly ran off the road (screeeeech!) trying to get a better look at what my eyes THOUGHT they saw. Really---my kids were grateful for car seats that day! Turns out I wasn't seeing things because....there, sure enough, for sale, was one of these babies: A Porsche 356 Speedster convertible. My British fetish was quickly forgotten and I was suddenly in love with an Austrian-German!

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So....after being spared as I recklessly maneuvered my way across two lanes of traffic to get over to the car: I took pictures (on my phone--which is why they're not up here), wrote down the phone number from the -for sale- sign, and called the owner. Saturday, I took my 'car guy' friend Knute with me and had a look. Now--it is a kit car--but built by a mechanic who knows his stuff. It's perfectly put together. Knute crawled around under the car and asked the owner all kinds of automotive-y questions, while I just sat there mesmerized by all that pretty Porsche platinum paint. The thing has a 200hp engine with a stereo system that can be heard over the roar, is fully restored and updated, and can stop on a dime. It's just **amazing**.

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It has been my dream for years to own something like this. And having worked the good ol' Dave Ramsey plan, I have no debt except my mortgage....so I COULD afford it. Except, really...can I?

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SO, help me out girly-girls!!! Do I just be happy with my pictures and memory of the test drive, and keep socking all my spare money away into emergency and college funds?.......or do I take this leap and buy myself something that will obviously be just for me (no room for car seats in this puppy!) ?

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Hmmmmmm.....

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I will, of course, be making my decision solely based on what y'all have to say. Well, you guys---and that Magic 8 ball I'm also asking advice from. :)

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p.s. "Knute the car guy" recognized the Porsche as being just like Dylan's from Beverly Hills 90210. How can I not laugh at the fact that a 43 year old male knew that and I didn't?! :)

happy birthday elena!

Once upon a time, I used my blog to wish everyone and their children Happy Birthday! And then I got divorced . and went back to school. and stopped sleeping. and I think my head exploded---because I suddenly kept forgetting about people's birthdays! (and I hardly ever forget stuff!).

Anyway, this is one birthday I won't miss----because it's one of my dearest friends----one I've known for way too long considering I'm only 23 ;)---and the one who got me blogging in the first place!

Happy 33rd Birthday to my friend who is so cool she wears a guitar while baking a pie! :)

Love ya Elena!!!!

monday fotos...because I did more this week than Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving kind of hogged up Friday Fotos, so I'm extending all the *photo love* for another day! Here's what we've been up to this week!:

This is the back of the door in Liam's room. I love that he draws pictures of himself and me together--and I'm looking so thin too ;)!



I got to get out the cup I painted last year, wash it out, and put it to use. A cup of hot cocoa and teddy grahams was the perfect thing for breakfast on a freezing morning. It makes me happy just to look at this picture--joy in the simple things.

I have a great group of single friends that I hang out with. Last week we did funny movie night at my house. "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" Such a classic! Here's a picture of us doing random pointing (notice the two empty halves of a coconut on the ottoman? We had to do a little role playing!)

Here I am in my "Holy Handgrenade" t-shirt. What I found hilarious about that night was.......well, do you remember what you use to do in a dark room with members of the opposite sex when you were in high school? Yeah---well when the room gets dark filled with 30 something single adults.....everyone goes to sleep! Seriously--everyone but Shawn (on the piano bench) crashed the last 20 minutes of the movie!

James came out in this garb he'd dressed himself in the other morning and told me he "was ready to ride the 4 wheeler!" I love that he'd improvised a helmet out of a plastic tote :)! He's a smartie pants for sure!

More easy entertainment for boys: give them dish gloves and hammers and send them out to break up the ice on the hot tub cover. (the teenage girls that lived in the house before us used to sunbathe on the cover and have left it with two "lakes"!---lovely!)

Took Zane and some of his friends out to a rather eccentric-- but delicious-- local pizza place (run by hippies) for a late birthday party. We got to make our own pizzas, and hang out in the back room by ourselves..... with an assortment of hats! A great time was had by all!

They also got to add to the giant tin foil ball being assembled at the pizza place:

More fun stuff came to me in the mail! It SO PAYS to know someone from my second favorite band in the whole world........who sends me special CD/DVD collections.......and makes it so I couldn't stop singing or dancing all weekend. I am such a groupie :) .

A Ok'ajj Q'ieiee A'k Iaiukiopniafhiee !

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~Wishing you all a great week! Happy December!~

how does one make a living writing?

So here's the scoop.

I have spent 3 hours locked in my room with my laptop and a notebook, blaring Muse music, and waiting.....to dream up the next bestseller....about baseball playing, glittery vampires. And I have come to the conclusion that I. am. no. Stephenie. Meyer.

Ever since I can remember, I've wanted to be a writer---well, except when I wanted to be a hotel maid and Speaker of the House--but mostly a writer. I have had some of my poetry published, two short stories too. But we all know we gotta write the next Twilight or Harry Potter or Crazy Oprah's Book of the Month to be able to buy ourselves 1961 Astin-Martin DB5's and Alan Rickman's undying love (or is that just me?).

I obviously can't NOT write, because here I am again today---like most days---spewing my random thoughts.

But how does one really WRITE A NOVEL?

I dunno.

I do know that Muse starts sounding like just -noise- after 3 hours

And that for my time, I pretty much just have this ordered pay scale I have devised in my head to show. It runs from least paid to most paid:

*Hobos
*Philosophers (who are esentially just hobos with degrees)
*Poets
*Shakespearean Actors
*Drummers in Goth Rock Bands
*Pet Insurance Salesmen
*Former childhood actors starring in Mama's Family


Hmmmm.....I think I may actually know a few of these people. Glad to be rubbing shoulders with them too. We're a good bunch--those of us who do what we do for the love of it.

***And also the undying hope that one day buckets of money will just spontaneously rain down on our head.***

So I guess the point of all this randomness is: Are YOU writing the next great American novel too?!


and Lula! I'm leaving your pole dance song up for another day. But remember that I've still got dibs for dancing to the "Sesame Street" theme.....so I can leave the sleazy men feeling all conflicted ;).

coming to a future near you: the ugliest generation of old people ever

Rampant lower back tattoos, belly rings, overly-enhanced breast enhancements, and dudes like the ones in the pictures you're about to see.

I can't wait to see what this generation is going to look like old.

Or maybe I can.

I think I can.

It's not going to be pretty.

And the award for most ugly future old person, goes to THIS MAN (OR WOMAN....I CAN'T REALLY TELL!!!):

*thanks to the friend who forwarded the email with these pictures in it to me. I couldn't eat for the rest of the day! But I'll echo the sentiment expressed in the subject line of that email: NEVER COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR KIDS AGAIN! (.....unless of course one of these people was your kid. Then, congratulations! He or she is just lovely. You must be so proud :) !).

what scared the bejeebers out of me

This is the story of a friend of a friend and how he scarred me for life. Those are always interesting, right? So, I asked this friend of mine the other day if he knew anyone famous (I've been asking that question of a lot of people ever since I got such awesome answers in this post)---and he said something to the effect of "yeah, I kind of grew up in L.A. and I don't think you can make it out of there without knowing someone famous". His best friend growing up was this guy:

Courtney Gains. Does the name ring a bell? It didn't to me either. So, my friend starts to tell me some of the movies this guy has been in: Back to the Future, Memphis Belle, Can't Buy Me Love, Sweet Home Alabama..........and then he throws in that he's probably best known for his role in this one:

(lots of space here for dramatic effect!.....)

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Even the mention of the name CHILDREN OF THE CORN gave me the chills. The heebie-jeebies. The "adjective that hasn't been invented yet, but describes me feeling really scared"! And, the ironic thing is, I haven't seen this film for 25 years. The images are still burned into my brain though--it frightened me THAT bad!!!

I remember walking down the street to my buddy Robin's house one muggy summer evening. We were going to go to the roller skating rink together. When I arrived, she told me that we had to wait for her mom to get back from the store before we could leave. So, I plopped down on the couch next to her and started to watch whatever it was her dad was watching on television. They had this new, cool thing called "cable". Sometimes we would laugh at Mr. Ed reruns together, or dance to Rod Stewart videos on MTV. But tonight, it was some kind of a movie with a lot of children in it.... And the rest of it becomes a memory I wish I could repress. Her mom didn't come home for over an hour, and I sat there-- paralyzed with fear, watching these Satanic kids poison their parent's coffee, hack them up, bury them in a cornfield, and take over their whole town. The part that affected me most was all the religious defamation that went on---some dead "blue guy" on a crucifix. An ink-drawn moustache on a picture of Jesus in the church. Praying to "He Who Walks Behind the Rows". All very nice, happy things. Oh yeah---did I mention I was only EIGHT YEARS OLD?!?!?! Talk about some serious early age trauma!

My friend's friend Courtney was Malachi:

Recognize him now? I bet if you saw this movie--you'd never be able to forget him either! Actually, I feel kind of sorry for the guy! My friend still keeps in touch with him. He said every time they go out, someone stops them and tells Courtney how badly he terrified them. He even gets called "the devil" on a regular basis. That probably doesn't do a heckuva lot for one's spiritual self-esteem, does it :)?!

But, thanks to that movie--I became a great horror movie wimp. I was the one all the other girls would make fun of -- calling my mom from a slumber party, crying to come home because they were going to watch Rosemary's Baby, or Night of the Living Dead, or Carrie. I think I was even afraid of Disney's Watcher in the Woods! Suspenseful..... I can nail-chew my way through----but evil...... I'll never go there again! Once was obviously enough to scar me for the past 2 decades.......Thanks Children of the Corn! Thanks, too, very responsible father of my friend Robin who thought it was totally appropriate to let 8 year olds watch a slasher film!

*Also--I found the soundtrack to this movie and almost added it to accompany this post--but I was seriously shaking just to hear it again! Very freaky!--you can go search Project Playlist "Children of the Corn, Main Title Theme" for it and scare yourself crazy if you want!!! (just don't listen to it alone!). I did put up this techno version of the song, but I found it much more danceable than scary :).

~~~~~Now it's your turn to play. What movie(s) scared the bejeebers out of you?~~~~~~

unequal distribution?

Usually when something of importance happens in my life, it takes a while for me to blog about it. First, I decide if it's something I even want to talk about. Then, if it is, I need to get my mind wrapped around it the right way---because when I write something down, it's my way of teaching myself what I've learned from the experience--and I want to make sure I've learned my lesson first.

I have a great friend named Stevan. He's about my height, red hair, boundless energy, and a huge smile always spread across his face. The house I live in now use to belong to his best friend. He was the first person we met when we moved in, and he would stop by frequently during the remodel to see if we needed any help. And would ALWAYS help when we did. Steve and his family just live around the corner from us, and it wasn't long before his twins and my two older boys were attached. His 13 year old soon joined the picture too, and "Uncle Daniel" as my little ones call him, quickly became our favorite babysitter. Steve LOVES his kids and is always the one out playing with them... and every other kid in the neighborhood--he even invented a great game similar to kick the can but involving an empty milk jug with a glow stick in it. I never did get all the rules involved, but my kids couldn't wait for it to get dark so they could run down the street to play. He has a pool and taught Zane and Ethan to swim--really swim-- last summer, allowing them to pass off a cub scout requirement. He and his family spent Thanksgiving with us as well as many Sunday dinners. Steve is one of those men you love to cook for because he showers you with compliments and always asks for seconds! They were the family we spent the past two New Year's Eves with eating homemade egg rolls and playing "Scene It".

The day I went to pick up the divorce papers, Stevan was the first person I had to explain the situation to-- since my 8 year old 'let the cat out of the bag'. The look on his face was one of complete shock: "No one is immune, are they?" he asked. After that, he really stepped up to help fill that daily "dad vacancy" for my boys, including them in a lot of outings and activities he was doing with his own kids. He and I have had our share of pretty serious talks while we watch the kids swim or play, about life's up and downs and how to hold to our faith. He lost his job in a series of layoffs about 3 weeks previous and was trying to make some fairly heavy decisions concerning his family. I never felt uncomfortable talking to him--his intentions were nothing but sincere. He was the one whose question about explaining divorce to your children inspired this post.

Last Wednesday (July 2), I had his kids over to play for most of the day while Steve taught piano lessons and did some church work. He came by to pick them up about 7:30 and stayed to watch the last 1/2 hour of Monsters, Inc. with us. He kept nodding off. "Just tired" he said, "and kind of sick to my stomach". He was tired a lot but always kept going. I didn't think anything of it.

By Thursday morning, he had passed away. At age 46. No health problems at all. Sleeping on his couch. His kids found him. Heart attack.

And I just have to say: Why, God, Why?! I don't question Heavenly Father or His reasons. He is so much wiser than I . I am not angry. Just full of questions and wanting sooooo badly to understand the trials in this life. I know everyone has them--some come naturally, others created through poor decisions-- and that so many people carry their grief around unknown. But there are other people who just seem to sail through this life with nary a care---and often so unaware of all they have been blessed with. Trials, I feel, just seem unequally distributed at times.

I'm thankful that some of the good men and women in this world finally get a chance to rest from their troubles and cares and go home--really home-- but it stinks to be the ones left behind-- a little smaller and a little less happy, the ones questioning why. In my case, left behind again and again and again and again as I watch more and more loved ones pass from this life.


The funeral was on Tuesday. A very moving tribute to a great man that the world seems bleaker without. His wife and children will be moving away to Utah soon to be closer to relatives. On my drive home, I listened to the voice messages on my cell phone. One was from Steve, left that Tuesday before he died. He wanted to know if the kids and I wanted to come over and do a puzzle on Saturday.................
We would have.

i know famous people

I was just thinking the other day that for being born and raised in a boring, mid-sized Idaho town, I actually know a few semi-famous people! Of course I'm not on a talking face-to-face basis with A-listers like Mrs. R (are you ever going to divulge that woman's identity by the way?..... :) ), but this is WHO I "KNOW" (with google images... Yay google!)





*David Klein (the one in the glasses)

He was two grades ahead of me, and every "artsy" girl (me included!) had a crush on him. After graduation, he went to the Vancouver Film School.... at the same time as Kevin Smith, Ben Affleck (and I think Matt Damon). Following his first year there, he came back to talk to the TV/Video Production class I was in as a favor to our teacher. After his little speech was done and everyone was working on their projects, he came and sat by me. We knew each other through a mutual friend, and had talked enough that he was aware of my ambitions to be a writer one day. He said (in a very cool, I've-been-away-at-film-school-for-a-year kind of voice): "Hey,I remember reading some of your poetry. It was really good. I'd like to get your opinion on this script", then he slid a first-draft copy of the movie Clerks in front of me. Have any of you heard of it? It turned out to be a big underground hit with a cult following, and recently spawned a Clerks II. He ended up being the director of photography on it, Mallrats, and Chasing Amy. I believe he also did some kind of consulting work with Dogma. Yeah--one day his people are going to call my people and we're totally going to do lunch....


*Rob Morris

Rob was one of my good friend's boyfriends during junior high, and he broke her heart--so I never thought too highly of him. We did, however, finally call a truce my senior year of high school when we served on a church board together. He turned out to be a pretty cool guy who always stood up for what he knew was right. "Freight Train", as he's known, just helped the Indianapolis Colts win the '07 Superbowl. He's been injured a ton, but I still tune into Colts games just to watch him sitting on the bench and say "hey! I know him!".

*Steve Cardenas.
Steve was Rocky the red Power Ranger back in the mid-90's when Power Rangers were huge -- with their own live action "Turbo" movie and everything! Even without kids at the time, I watched it-- just to look at the guy who I use to call "Steve-Knock-It-Off" (since that's what I was always telling him....) who sat behind me in A.P. English, copied all of my book quiz answers, was always trying to write his name on the back of my neck with his pen (he called it "branding" me!), and told me almost daily that I needed to wear tighter jeans. Classy, eh? Funny thing was I never even realized he knew karate.....

this is just for my benefit----you don't have to watch it------unless you're really, really bored ------and I have to admit the kids and I have watched it like 12 times...... :).

*Jeran Dahlquist.

He's the mowhawked one up front. The same one from my "your old boyfriends" post. I always knew him as J.D. though--so that's who he'll forever be to me. Just to give you an idea of how much fun he was--during our dating years, he use to bring me bags of flour (I brought you flours!) instead of flowers. A LOT of bags of flour! That always cracked me up---and made my mom shake her head in confusion (and have to make many loaves of bread and batches of cookies to use up all that flour....).



Currently he's only famous locally, but after countless invites-- my friend Tina and I finally went to catch one of his shows on Friday night. And now I have to group him with these other fellas because he's going to go far. I always knew he would. The guy's got talent leaking out his ears--- and I think he's finally found the ambition to match it! His voice has this dreamy, talkative quality to it when he sings mellow stuff, and now--with the Naughties--he's belting out OK Go and Kaiser Chiefs and Dandy Warhols classics--and all with a thoroughly entertaining stage presence that is sooooooo "him". I admit I felt as giddy and giggly as my 15 year old self when he acknowledged me from the stage, then came to sit and chat with me during their breaks. Of course I was sitting next to and talking with his pregnant girlfriend (she was very sweet and I'm sure responsible for his newly-channeled ambition!), so my 15 year old self stayed fully aware that I was now 33 and had a mini-van waiting for me in the parking garage :). It will be fun one day though to say "I knew him when...."
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And finally my "honorable mentions" because I've just sat next to them on planes or in airports:

*"Macho Man" Randy Savage. It was the late 80's and I was 13--flying home from visiting my friend in Texas. Practically the whole WWF was on that plane with me. Hulk was up in first class of course, but ol' Macho Man sat on one side of me and some football player from the Miami Dolphins sat on the other. They both asked if they could have my cookie that came with lunch....

Then, just this past October, I sat next to Hollywood Square's Bruce Valanche in the Las Vegas airport. He kept tying a straw into knots and flipping a book cover open and shut repeatedly. We thought he might have just been a mentally challenged person, but then we spied his name on his tickets. And--hey!-- we had the same pink cell phone!

Wonder why I don't know any famous women?.... yet.

And now I want to know: Do YOU know or have you seen any famous people?!?! DO TELL!!!