the day i sat down for an interview with myself

*Inspired by The Nervous Breakdown

what? this is totally me! I'm doing the interview so I selected this never before seen picture of myself :)

So, Jennifer P. You've been doing a lot of interviews lately, haven't you?

No, not a single one actually. When I was setting up all the interviews for my author, one of the deejays asked if I wanted to come on the radio and talk about the book and the benefit if Al couldn't make it. I had to tell him my voice would scare his audience away. That's the closest thing to an interview I've had. But thanks for asking.

Interviewers always ask questions about childhood. Can you tell me something about yours?

I've shared a lot of funny stories about growing up. Search the label "flashback" and you'll find most of them.

I would hold impromptu yard sales without my mom knowing and sell our good stuff to the neighbors to earn money. When I was 8, I used to wish my mom would get sick enough to need to go to the hospital so I could drive her in the car. I won a banana eating contest at the fair once. Every time the hypnotist would come to our school, I would be one of the people in the audience who accidentally got hypnotized along with the kids he'd picked to come down--I'm very agreeable with mind control, I suppose. And I won my very first Young Author's prize in the 1st grade for my story "My Cat", which came complete with a stick figure illustration of my mom picking up cat poop off the floor with a paper towel. She was so proud.


What's something you want that you don't have?

This moment? One of those light up dresses like the girls wore in Tron. Yes. I would like one of those very much.


You hail from the great state of Idaho, no?

Born and raised here. I spent summers with friends and family in Utah, Texas, and Massachusetts. I was twice an exchange student in Germany. Did a two week stint in Paris. Vacationed in Venezuela. Spent the first three years of my married life on a farm in Oregon and almost moved to California to be with Haute Cakes. But here I sit still in Idaho. I do love it here. Not the heat or the cold or the sage allergies or the poorly planned roads or the white supremacists who live up north...but the rest is pretty great. Did you know we invented finger steaks? Yeah. We're not all about potatoes.


What has been the most difficult part of this past month?

In the last month (maybe six weeks) I have had a nasty cold, passed a kidney stone without seeing a doctor, had the stomach flu at the same time as three of the boys, and been seen for my heart acting up due to stress and dehydration. And I never missed a day of class during any of it. Dedication, people...dedication.

You come from pioneer stock. Would you say you have inherited some of their resourcefulness?

Well, sometimes, when all the spoons are dirty and I want to eat a bowl of cereal, I will use one of the plastic coated baby spoons I still have laying around although I've had no babies for almost four years. That's resourceful, right?


What do people find most creepy about you?

My kids say that sometimes I sleep with one of my eyes slightly open. That, coupled with the fact that I breathe so quietly when I sleep, has caused me to be poked awake many times for fear they think I'm dead. Thanks, kids :)


What's the strangest compliment you've ever received?

"You look exhausted." I think it's meant to be flattering in a concerned way? Also, an artist boyfriend I had just out of high school once told me he liked the corners of my eyes. That was kind of strange....except that to this day, I still like the corners of my eyes because of that compliment.


They say a good writer is always learning something new. Have you learned anything new lately?

Last year I learned to snowboard and re-learned how to skateboard. As of 2011, I've been trying to teach myself how to breakdance...at night...with an old b-boy VHS tape...in the privacy of my family room. Oh you laugh now, but wait till we're in a break dancing throw down in an inner city somewhere and I pull out my perfectly mastered egg beater. It will be sooo in yo face, suckah.


You're quite a connoisseur of music. What artists have been tickling your fancy?

I've been loving Adele. I've discovered that you can turn the volume down on any old thing they're showing on TV and play Adele's "Make You Feel My Love", and whatever you're watching will suddenly make you want to cry. Seriously, I watched a silenced Geico commercial the other day while listening to that song, and that little Gecko brought tears to my eyes.


Last question. Anything funny happen this week?

As a matter of fact...yes. My sweet mother-in-law seems to think I am never going to meet a man unless I join a dating website. I have told her numerous times about my month-long creepy experience with said dating website 2 1/2 years ago, but she keeps refuting with the fact that so and so and also what's her face both met their husbands on the computer. She asked if I would please give it a month. And because I lover her dearly, I signed myself up (trying all the while not to think about how surreal it is that my mother-in-law is so anxious to find me a love connection).  Guess what the first profile to pop up was? Some guy with the user name "Little Kid Lover". Oh my head....it's going to be a long month with a lot of shuddering.

Thank you for the interview. We expect to hear great things from you in the future.

"Great things from you in the future." There ya go. Now you've heard it from me. :)