I went to the doctor on Friday to have a strep culture done. My throat had been pretty sore for a day, and since strep already slapped me around and showed me who was boss once, I wasn't going to let 'er take me down again!
The strep test came back negative, but the doctor was pretty concerned about my heart. She asked about my murmur and I told her it had come from having strep-induced rheumatic fever back in February/March.
I tried to put her at ease by adding: "My cardiologist was optimistic that it was minor enough to probably repair itself in about 6 months time. I go in to see him again in September."
"I would not call this minor" she said, then gave me her stethoscope to listen to my own heart: sure enough....instead of a nice pa-tump-a-tump, my heart went pa-tump-a-GLURG. I think that "glurg" part wasn't suppose to be there?...... and if I, with my "untrained ear" could hear it-- I knew it couldn't be good.
Since I've been feeling pretty energetic and active most of the time--- I really thought I was getting better. I was even looking forward to September and getting the news that 'I'd beat this thing'.
"Have you been under any stress lately?" my doctor asked ( she was STILL listening to my heart....it had been 3 looooong minutes).
Me?
Stress?
LATELY?!?!
Bwahahahahahaha!!!!
Apparently the stress I've been being "experiencing" (and dealing with, I think, the best I can) could have made the murmur worse...... and now I've been ordered to the cardiologist again. The doctor wouldn't even prescribe me any medicine for fear of exacerbating the situation, and suggested I take NOTHING (not even Tylenol!) until we knew more.
I'm still feeling positive, like I CAN beat this---somehow I just can't seem to strangle that eternal optimism-- but I do find it ironic that my heart, which was so figuratively "broken", appears to be LITERALLY broken as well....... (I guess it's even a little like raaaaaa-in on your wedding day, it's the freee-eee ride, when you've already paid.....anyone else remember good ol' Alanis Morisette and her angst? Project Playlist didn't...... yeah, this is just me, trying to laugh at a situation that makes me want to cry.)
Phew! Thanks for letting me vent. (Like you had a choice :)!) And thanks for taking care of me the way only a group of women sitting at their computers can. You let me know I am loved and thought about, without the guilt of feeling like I've drug you away from your families to fold my laundry or make me casseroles or anything. Still.....
One of these days I swear I'm going to just wake up and everything in my life will be "normal" again.......and then I'll get to say "WHAT A CRAZY DREAM THAT WAS! Sure am glad it's over!"......
Ya'al would let me know if you were just figments of my dream imagination, right?!
59 comments:
You certainly will be in my prayers Jennifer.
Sorry this is happening.
xxx
You aren't dreaming, we're here, and I'll be happy to pray for you.
"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard you HEARTs and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:4-7
I just had to let you know that you are in my prayers, honestly. My favorite scripture is Esph 3:20-21. You are a very brave woman and I admire you very much. I just started reading your blog about a week ago and I just had to tell you that I have three boys and two of their names are.....Liam and Ethan!! My three are ages 5 (entering Kindergarten) 6 ( 1st grade) and 8 (3rd grade) What caught my attention was the photo of your boys playing in the rain....two days ago, we were sooooo bored and it was raining softly outside and I shocked my boys by saying " quick, go outside and play in the rain!" They looked stunned! They had so much fun.
I also shocked them when on that same day after we had been outside a bit later in the day and it was hot and sticky outside, I said "quick, run to the pool and jump in with your underwear on!" They coulnd not believe that I was their mom, they asked me why I was letting them swim in their underwear and I responded, "it's Thursday!" It seemed like a good reason to me :)
Anyway, I know what it is like having three young, very loud and very energetic boys....I could definitly share some adventures myself!
I am thinking of you and look forward to reading your post tomorrow.
L.J
I have never posted before so that is why I am "anonymous" I am dipping my toe into the blogging waters :)
You will certainly be in our prayers. I am so sorry you have to deal with this. Stay strong. You blow me away with your optimism and strength.
If I were experiencing half what you have this year I would be a mess. You deal with it all so well. When I read posts like this I wish I could run over and fold your laundry and hug you. But I can pray for you.
After going through heart surgery with my husband in April, I know a bit of what you're going through. I just wanted to let you know I prayed for you and I will continue to until this all gets straightened out!
Jeremiah 29:11
Jen,
You have had so much strength through so many really crappy things and that will not change. Your strength comes from something so powerful that it can't be beat. I will pray for you as always.
Oh, my sweet Jennifer! I know you're scared right now so I pray that God will wrap you up in a big fuzzy blanket of peace and calm. The doctors will get everything figured out and you'll be right as rain in no time. PLEASE keep us posted on this. Love you!
Sending up a prayer for you.
Would love to send some of our prayers for your well-being. Your optimism is incredible... I don't know that I could ever be as brave as you are, though I suppose we are all capable of great things when we have to do it.
Much Love!
Noticed you are posting this in the wee hours of the morning and I know what it's like to worry about making it until your babies grow up. We were on our way to one of my medical tests when my children were talking about where they would go if I died....Bwahahahaha!! I had never wanted them to grow up quickly before I had been sick.
I'm so sorry you are going through all of this.
A broken heart is no fun. Emotional pain hurts more than physical...and I've had my share of both. We carry the scars of sin in our bodies. It's part of the tragedy of the fall. Jesus is carrying you, right now. You know that, right?
You are so wise to be able to reach out for help. Share your burdens!
Suzie
I am a daily lurker of your blog. I'm not sure if I have posted before but I wanted to post now to let you know I will be praying for you. You are an inspiration to keeping your eye on what counts and I am sure this situation will be no different.
Blessings,
Linda
hope you get feeling better jennifer and you will continue to be in our prayers.
Jennifer, This stinks! I'm sorry, but my attitude isn't as good as yours. You will definitely be in my prayers. Love you.
I am praying--right now and I will hold you in prayer through this and as soon as I post this I will have you put on 3 prayer lists in my area. Know that some real championship pray-ers (who would never allow me to say that about them!) will begin praying for you this afternoon.
Oh Jennifer...Relief is ON the way. Please don't lose heart...did I just say that?.....WE are praying for you and yes, you can vent to us any day or time...that's what's so great about the blogosphere...You have someone to talk to at all hours of the day.
Just as fast as these trials hit you in the face, just turn around and roll them into the lap of the only One that can guide you through them. The only One that can give you peace in the storm. The only One that created you and doesn't want to harm you. The only One that is guiding you to the mountaintop even though you can't quite see anything but a steep hill and rough terrain. The only One who will get the glory when your life is restored on the other side of all this difficulty. Please keep us posted...and know that we are in fact praying for you. Always.
my first comment on your blog...and it looks like a great time to start! you are so STRONG! and you make each person that reads your blog so much STRONGER! of course we will all be fighting and praying with you. i think you are great!
ps i love the song!
Jennifer, I am sorry that the pain and trials continue. I do know that God promises to never give us more than we can handle!
And please know that if I could, I would be there to fold your laundry AND bring you a casserole! Your struggles are NEVER a burden to me. You are in my prayers still.
Trish
God can fix a broken heart! I will be praying for you!
It's amazing how Heavenly Father works. I woke up this morning with an extremely painful sore throat and while reading this post I realized it might be Strep throat and needed to be seen by a doctor. I have 3 children so I was instantly worried about infecting them. I went to the Urgent Care facility and it IS Strep but they could only tell after doing a swab test, I had come in so early in the infection there weren't any puss pockets, I didn't have a fever, etc. I'm so relieved to already be getting treatment, way before it "got bad".
Thank you for blogging, reading your blog has helped me :)
We band together to pray collectively for an ordinary girl with an extraordinary God who can do unbelievable things!!!
I'm praying for you, Jennifer. Hopefully you can get on medication to help your heart out :)
Done. It's an amazing thing to even consider. That women from all over the world are praying for you. Lifting you up. I hope you can feel the power of it.
And Project Playlist didn't have Ironic? I used that song on my post recently about Atlanta getting the Health museum. I wonder if they "lost" it since then?
Oh Jennifer, I'm so sorry to hear your news about your heart again. You are right though, nothing like a bunch of ladies that you've never met...but KNOWING and FEELING they are all praying for you like crazy! It is a little crazy sounding but you are in my prayers on a daily basis :) I'll be sending extra special one's up there though!
OH JENNIFER!
Jeff was checking your blog (he does this from time to time, we like to know how our "Jennifer P" is holding up and he was shocked! He came and got me as quick as possible and we were just so sad for you. You've had more than your share this year. I am so sorry. I'm fasting for you next Sunday.
I PROMISE I thought of that Alanis Morisette song today, because I was thinking of my college roommate, and it was a shared favorite of ours. I was EVEN going to put it on my next post, but couldn't think of anything "ironic" to post with it.
uh-um...
YOU DID!
Oh Jennifer. UUUuuuhhhhh, this is just not good. Yet again, another reason to be a little silent, a little struck by the "we're noooot quite out of the woods just yet are we".
Can we all please just walk very carefully around Jennifer for a while? I MEAN IT! QUIETER OVER THERE!! LEAVE HER ALONE YOU...YOU WORLD YOU!
Was I talking to anyone in particular...no. I just have to tell "someone" to be careful with you! Powerlessness invades me...
Why do I always get this way with these posts? Dramatic for sure.
Oh Jennifer, I really hope you get some relieving news at the cardiologists office....PLEASE! Something like, "Oh, this is so repairable, so easy. We do it all the time!"
Silence. It would be nice to wake from the dream. We're here for you, as best we bloggy gals can be.
P.S. I don't pray for people very often (I know I should but I just don't in real life) but tonight, in my prayers, I will pray for you.
jennifer!!!! geeze, does it ever stop. possibly not. what do i say that you don't already know? eh? i'll pray and keep you in my thoughts...i'm sure that it is so much more difficult than you are even letting on...i'm definitely thinking of you and your "gurgle" in your heart.
Sheesh...I honestly don't know a heart that wouldn't "gurgle" if it had been through what you've been through. This isn't the kind of news we like to hear. Hoping to hear better with you next appointment!! Now, quit staying up so late and let your little heart get some rest. (Yes, I'm sounding like a mom.) Call me if you need anything PLEASE. Boise's not THAT far away that I couldn't come and make you some casseroles. :)
I am praying for you. Praying that God will heal your heart physically and emotionally. Take care of yourself and know that you are remembered by many women.
Lisa Q.
Prayng for you.
Was that a strep test or a stress test? Sounds like you needed both! Hope all gets ironed out soon for you. BTW, did you hear about our campaign to e-mail Oprah about Uncle Lynn & Pop'rs? The SITStas even got in on the act! Please drop by and see what's happening in Aunt Julie's neck o' the woods!
WOW! Thank you EVERYONE! I hope you know that I appreciate the offers for laundry and casseroles, but that is SO not what I want. Stubborn me. I love to give service but hate to receive it---it makes me feel so guilty and weak. I know it's a blessing to others, but if I can still keep going---I'm going to!
The prayers and well wishes mean the world to me though. And I highlight every scripture you give me in my Bible (if it's not already highlighted! :) ).
Thank you again. I have felt especially "capable" today!--that must have been you guys :)!
Keep up your positive attitude!
I'll say prayers for you.
You will beat it Jennifer P. I'm sending you prayers that the Blog Award I won your way. I guess you need to follow those instructions about the seven bloggers of the seventh blogger etc.
I'm curious why you refer to strep in the feminine? It's blunt, all- consuming and fatiguing. You do know men right?
I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for sharing your story, as well as your strength to the rest of us. You have a huge support group in all of us!
i admit, i didn't read every one of the 36 comments that people left on here, so if this scripture has already been "taken", then oops! just a little excerpt from my fave verse... ephesians 3;20 ... to him that can do IMMEASURABLY MORE than all we can ask or imagine...
what a juicy verse. it has definitely changed my life :)
loving and praying for you in NC...
Praying for you. The heart is no light matter. In fact, my mom is having heart surgery this morning. Praying for a thumpety thump to come back.
I tried to post once before, and I don't know what happened. I'm sorry about the news, Jared and I will keep you in our prayers, and we'll keep our fingers crossed, and...anything else we can think of.
It's the good adviiiiice, that you just can't take!
Keep singin', girl!
We continue to pray for you...for peace, patience, healing, calmness, faithfulness and much more.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this and so grateful you're sharing it with us.
Can I FedEx a meal? Do you think they would ship your laundry to me for free? If I blow hard enough will the dust in your house disappear and maybe if I spit hard the toilets will be clean. So wish I could be there to do the everyday things and of course to give you a big hug!
I would love to come and fold the laundry and take the boys for the day and make a meal. But in the blog world it just does not happen that way. But, oh how I hurt for you, how I hope for you, and how I will keep you in my prayers. You are a truly amazing person, the Lord is mindful of you, and he will be with you always.
Keep us posted.
Praying for you...
Yes, you will be in my prayers and my thoughts. I am sending you all well wishes!
Oh no. I'm a new reader and so praying that the gurgle resolves it'self. Thinking of you.
I have been visiting your blog tonight and I was so impressed by your writings/post. You truly have experierenced so much the last couple of years. I so understand what you are going thru, I was married before for 12 1/2 years and divorced for 2, then I truly met the person I believe God intended to be my husband. We just celebrated our 12 anniversary in June. God does take care of us.
I just wanted to comment and let you know that I will be praying for you and you will survive this.
Remember God's Word promises "He will never give us more than we can bear or he will find a way out"
I will pray for you and your sweet family.
:)
Sheila
Prayers for you, Jennifer. Peace and prayers.
This is me stroking your hair and telling you you're pretty...you are pretty...you will get past this, you have no choice. It is a bump. A bump in the road. Someday you will look back and it will all be a distant memory and you will be happier and better for it all. Keep your eyes on that day, take a deep breath...and keep on.
*lots of hugs*
Jennifer, I too with the many others will be prayeing for your heart to mend. I have always loved reading your blog and it has been a while since I commented, but your always on my mind. I love to peek in on your life and I second what Jen posted above...OUR GOD IS EXTRODINARY!!!
Man alive woman.. I am going to have to come get you and those boys and take you to some tropical, totally relaxing island where everything is paid for and the cabana boys, um, men, are H.O.T and they happen to love funny, smart, women in their 30s. Sound Good?
If you can survive the horrible fortune of dying in a fire, you can certainly beat this murmur.
Wow I don't know what to say except you are in my prayers. We found out our little Lucy has a heart murmur and it's been scary. Anything to do with the heart is scary. I am sure you will be just fine. Thank goodness for good doctors!
Ok, that broken heart thing really got me.
Ugggh! I don't like that you have to deal with this.
Why don't you and your boys move out to NC and I will homeschool them and they will be instant friends with my boys, I can can be your best friend and we can blog together and do housing play for the rest of our lives? When you get tired of me, you can go to your sister's house. We'll take real good care of you.
Praying that you will experience that peace that only He can give.
Are you kidding me? This news makes me want to curse like a sailor! And I don't curse.
I am so infuriated(sp) at that piss ant.......maybe you can sue him for the extra damage he has done to the MOTHER OF HIS CHILDREN. I am speechless. I'm sorry for spewing more stress your way. Where is the integrity, the character? I am praying and sending you quick healing.
Hi there. I just stopped by through a chain of other lovely ladies and wanted to say hello. When I saw you were stressed I had to keep going to find out more, then when I saw "Brad is gone" I thought the worst, felt my heart sink & kept going, and then I saw divorced. A little sigh of relief came because it was nice knowing the children still had their father. But I still am sorry for what you have to go through. I do like your blog though and it's nice to know you have so many wonderful supporters out here!!
Ok.....if 54 comments doesn't tell you that you are loved and cared for, how about 55!!!!
I am hoping that all is going well and hope that your health is just a little yuck! I wish that a cyber hug could make things better for you, but hopefully it will brighten your spirits!!!
Good Health vibes sent your way and a big hug!
Take Care,
Sonya
If you lived near me, I would give you such a hug! I just hope you have someone to fuss over you and look out for you...I'd do it, if I could.
Sending prayers your way,
Linda
Good night!! What is next? I'm sorry to hear about your poor heart! If it makes you feel a smidge better...I have NINE murmurs. What it's meant for me is the extra special care you get by the doctors. They will watch you like a hawk. That being said...it's scary...anything having to do with your heart is scary. And it's not anything to take lightly. I will surely be praying for you. From reading your blog and your comments over on my end, I feel like I know you. A bit of a kinship. And I hate to hear that you have one more (big) thing on your plate. I'll be praying. I'm a good prayer-er.
((many hugs))
Wow Jennifer. I'm so glad that you took a second to comment on my blog b/c I think about you often and have wanted to catch up on your life, but have been so busy this summer. . .I barely have time to keep my blog up (which is my #1 computer priority b/c I'm keeping the blog as the best journal/scrapbook I can do right now). Anyway (sorry for the long drawn out sentence), the point is, I finally took a second to check your blog out and I found out about your heart trouble. I will keep you in my prayers. I'm so sorry that this "journey" seems to keep going uphill, but I know that things will level out and look much brighter b/c you have such a wonderful attitude and perspective on LIFE. Thanks for taking time out of your busy life to care about mine.
♡ Good luck with your apt with the cardio dr. I hope everything goes well!!!
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