Well, after having beat one grim prophecy in my life, I now admit I have one more to overcome. The curse of me....in a tent......in the wilderness. Now, don't get me wrong. I LOVE to be outdoors. I like the piney smell and the birdsong, and the cloud-smeared open skies. I like to do a little hiking and a little fishing. But, please, please--if you value your life, do NOT ask me to sleep out there (aka "camp") because bad things happen....
When I was really little, we would get together with my Dad's whole family and go camping at a place called "the Big Rock". My grandparents, aunts and uncles would usually have been up there for several days having a wonderful time--and then we arrive-- and suddenly everyone ends up confined to their campers at night because the campsite becomes infested by a large number of bats. And when day comes--it rains ceaselessly. No one could figure out why....
As a young teenager, my mom would take us camping and bring along our dirtbikes. Trail riding on the motorcycles was really her and my brother's "thing", but I liked riding too. At least back home I did. When I rode a motorcycle while camping, I wrecked in a patch of loose gravel. And I was wearing shorts. And I still have a hum-dinger of a scar on my leg from that third degree burn the engine gave me.
Now, by the time I was 16 I thought I was competent enough to do any and everything. The teenage mantra, right? So, I agreed to go camping out in the red cliffs of St. George, Utah with my friend Summer--just she and I. We had barely got the tent put up when the world's largest gila monster comes wandering into our campsite.
These things are poisonous, by the way. We drove to the ranger station and begged someone to come to our rescue. The ranger on duty kind of chuckled at us and said those little guys wouldn't do us any harm, but came back with us to have a look anyway. I think his eyes got as big around as pancakes when he saw the size of the "dragon" that was circling our tent. "Biggest one he'd ever seen!" he exclaimed, as he wrestled the thing away with a collar on the end of a pole. Well, of course it was---I was camping! But wait!--there's more: while we were away at the ranger station, a squirrel got into our tent and ate all our cookies. And also a group of loud, drunk guys decided to camp right by us that night and kept wandering over trying to borrow a bottle opener and talk to us. We ended up sleeping in Summer's car over by where all the old people were hunkered down in their luxury motorhomes---just trying to avoid scary, drunk men; cookie-eating varmints; and any more monsters lurking in the shadows.
These things are poisonous, by the way. We drove to the ranger station and begged someone to come to our rescue. The ranger on duty kind of chuckled at us and said those little guys wouldn't do us any harm, but came back with us to have a look anyway. I think his eyes got as big around as pancakes when he saw the size of the "dragon" that was circling our tent. "Biggest one he'd ever seen!" he exclaimed, as he wrestled the thing away with a collar on the end of a pole. Well, of course it was---I was camping! But wait!--there's more: while we were away at the ranger station, a squirrel got into our tent and ate all our cookies. And also a group of loud, drunk guys decided to camp right by us that night and kept wandering over trying to borrow a bottle opener and talk to us. We ended up sleeping in Summer's car over by where all the old people were hunkered down in their luxury motorhomes---just trying to avoid scary, drunk men; cookie-eating varmints; and any more monsters lurking in the shadows. I didn't attempt outdoor camping again for 16 years. Then, last summer, a big group of friends from church were going and really wanted us to come along. I figured it would be a good thing for my boys to see their mama "roughing it", so we agreed. I thought SURELY it had been long enough for "the curse" to have worn off----plus Brad was an Eagle Scout, and certainly we wouldn't come up against anything he couldn't handle. Well, except for those freak 50 mph winds that decided to blow into the campsite 2 hours after we'd pitched our tent. The ones that snapped off the top 12 feet of a giant Pine and sent it toppling about 6 inches away from our van! Another tree actually fell on one of our friends' tents (good thing no one was inside!). Needless to say, we broke camp faster than you can whistle Jack Robinson........... and so instead of this:
see the tree?
We did this:
went to our family's cabin which was conveniently located only 15 minutes away from the campground.
Once I'm safe indoors, the "curse" goes away. Go figure. But don't do that figuring outdoors in a tent with me. *****You might not get out alive....
Any one else have any camping horror stories?
28 comments:
Yeah, you are pretty much cursed. I actually really like camping and have had a great time every time. I guess I am a lucky person. I never knew that. Yay!
♥ I think the "cabin" sounds fabulous compared to ACTUAL camping! :)
I had forgotten about the drunk guys but every time we go into the wilderness I tell my kids the gila monster story and they just roll their eyes!!! Seems that each time I go camping I find snakes or deadly lizards or it rains so hard that we're all soaked!!!!
by the way, thanks for the wonderful words to my birthday boy!!! He's begging for his own condo now!
You are a single, homeschool, mom of boys, in Idaho? Me too. Which is quite shocking...we can't possibly be terribly numerous as a demographic. Hello! It's nice to meet you.
Not so much horror, but in college my sorority decided to do a campout by the beach -- in April. It was freezing. That is the only time I have ever been tent camping. I still want to try with my husband this year before it gets cold.
No horror stories here, but I can see why cabin camping is the choice for you. I would have freaked about the gila dragon (or whatever it's called?)
Wow those are some crazy coincidences!
And that gila monster...yikes!!!! What a dumb ranger by the way....bet he changed his tune when he saw that come slithering by!
I am all for indoor camping too! Hate the bugs, smoke in my eyes, uncomfortable beds, and pitching a tent. Yeah, I am a city girl through and through...lol!
Oh Jennifer...those are some funny stories :) I'm like you in that I like to be outdoors...but I prefer to sleep INDOORS! We watched tooooo much Discovery Channel (When Animals Strike)...so now I'm terrified a cougar is going to stalk me down and I don't think I'll be wanting to hike in the mountains any time soon for fear of grizzlies.... Although we live on 30 acres...I like to be out during the day...and back safe inside come dark! Hope you had a nice time :)
I have two words for you...recreational vehicle. I don't go camping without one. Seriously freaky stuff happens in tents.
I have to admit that the wind that night was blowing pretty darn hard. I felt back for the Scholes, cause the tent that got hit was theirs, although they were actually sleeping in their trailer and the older boys were going to sleep in that tent. We probably wouldn't have missed too many of them if they had been inside. Just kidding. I was just fine with heading back to our condo about 3 minutes away and sleeping in a nice, comfy bed with a hot shower and a TV.
You sure you don't want to join everyone again this year?? Tresa and I are going to get together to plan meals sometime soon.
I do have to tell you this camping story. Growing up we went on tons of camping and pack trips that lasted for days (maybe it only seems like that now). One time, we were camping by Palisades Reservoir in eastern Idaho and we had a skunk get into our tent (the tent was a huge canvas hunting tent) and it proceded to lick the icing off of a cake that my mom had brought. That in itself sucked, but then we had sandwhiches one night and I am the only one that doesn't eat mayo in my family. Everyone but me ended up getting sick and throwing up for the next 24 hours. Needless to say, I still don't eat mayo.
I have a similar cure.. not sure what to call it... I was in Hawaii for a Hurrican, Northridge, CA during the big quake, Oklahoma when the Federal Building was bombed....
I also have really good luck sometimes....
My thing is water. Rivers mostly. I've crashed a canoe and tipped it completely over (within the first 15 minutes of a 3 hour ride), and been dumped dropped into a river, and fallen in a river... BTW- I'm not a very good swimmer, so I just don't go near rivers anymore. If I were you, I wouldn't try camping again. Haha.
I grew up camping but my family has never gotten to do it. I wanted to this year but my father rented us a house instead, said he doesn't think my family could handle it!! lol
I do remember being up in the mountains and it had rained for days. They sent police up to the camp sites to tell us all to move down the mountain since it might flood. Ummmmmmm, we stayed where we were, and waiting to climb up the mountain instead.
WE also would bathe in the river and one year I looked at my cousin and she at me and we both screamed. We were covered in tiny baby water spiders! Bleh
That is too funny!
With a cabin like that who needs camping???
I can't stand camping, but go once a year because my hubby and kids love it. My youngest is 8 so I figure the max # of times I've got left is 10. Woo Hoo! Makes me smile just thinking about it. :)
My idea of roughing it is no 'mint fairy'!! My dear husband decided to take me camping years ago for the first time. We get set up with another couple and along comes a huge lightening storm and high winds. (we were by a lake) Next thing I know I am on top of a picnic table holding a pole to save something, I don't remember what. Hello? A pole!? Needless to say, I was NOT thrilled.
Haven't camp since, but we are thinking about doing it this fall. Oh no!
Lisa Q
lifewiththequeens.blogspot.com
I used to love camping as a kid, but as a mommy, it's no picnic. All of the packing, the planning, the potty (ugh), the dirt. I'm sounding so non tomboy right now, but it's just no fun when you're the only one doing the grunt work. I don't think I ever want to go camping while my kids are young. What am I going to do when they think a skunk is intruiging (intreging?), or a poisonous lizard is cool?
I guess I'll have to take them camping just to teach them how to be safe. I'll bring you along for plenty of practice with high winds, poisonous monsters, and drunken men. You handled that all well! They could learn a thing or two.
Oh the Gila monster! They are so nasty. We had a bunch of those things living in the field next to our house growing up. Did it hiss at you?
To see my scary camping experience, look at my blog. And to make things worse, I was on my period. Gross.
No camping for me. Ever. Why didn't you all go to that cabin in the first place?!
One of my mom's friends used to come on vacations with us when I was little. They called her "monsoon Patti" because it always rained when she was with us. If we were going for a week...and she came down for a few days...it was always gorgeous before and after she left.
Ok, yep, I agree, you're cursed. Man, oh, man, boy are you. Whew.
Those are some crazy, freaky things, but I still think I'd be up for the challenge!
My sister would agree with you...and she would say..."that's what campers are for" (no tent camping for her:o)
~simply~
I love camping. Love it even more with my camper, but I have to say, I love your cabing the MOST! :) Loved the gila monster story. I have never seen one of those. I didn't even know they were poisonous. I probably would have been an idiot and tried to catch it for my kids to look at! That would have made for a sad camping story.
Why do I feel the need to pick my feet up off the floor after reading about all the critters that have joined your camping trips? I don't guess I've ever tried camping, but I know it would not be my thing. I think you've got a good thing going seeking outdoor adventure during the day and retreating to the comfort of your cabin at night!
Ok, so no camping. Instead we can hang out a drink your peanut hot chocolate. That looks so yummy.
I tried camping ONCE, and my husband and I ended up leaving after a day. I am not a good camper. Cabins and restrooms, yes. Tents and going in the woods. NO!!!
I have no camping stories. I've gone once in my life. Hated it and swore I'd never go again. Ever. Am I a bad Mom for that??? Does camping in the basement count??
I like camping - but in our RV! Your cabin looks awesome! Smart move!!!!
My worst camping experience was being carried away by mosquitoes while camping on South Manitou Island in northern Lake Michigan, where I suffered the "death of 1000 itchy bites"
Well, except I didn't die, but man I wish I had. I didn't mind mosquitoes much before that trip, but after it .... I go out of my way to kill mosquitoes anymore.
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